Mistress Katie - Older Entries

May 6, 2004;
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
'Isn't something missing?'

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
'Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?'

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

April 24, 2004; Poem I started to write while I was upset tonight crying:

How do I know if you're lying or being true
How do I know how your feeling
It's all happening again
Just when I thought I was healing
Who's lying, who's not
Or am I lying to myself
My tiny torn up heart won't let me see
And all I wanted was to be
With you

I don't want to believe the bad feelings I have inside
I thought maybe you'd be different
Why all of the excuses
I'm now just as before in the same predicament
Feeling hurt, feeling lost
I don't want to cry anymore
Curled up in a comforting little ball
But maybe I should just let it all
Slide

You are the only one I want to see
I want to know from you
You said it's up to me to believe
I want to hear from you what is true
Your voice, your heart
I need to know how you feel
I will trust your words with ease
All I ask is that you please
Don't hurt me

April 23, 2004; Only another..... 4 and a half hours to go until I'm FREEEEE to go home from work. ;p heh Man I can't wait, it has been a long day so far. ;/ I hope the rest of today/this evening goes by faster(and less people calling in;p). I dunno where I'm gonna treat myself to eat tonight for supper. :) I treat myself to usually subway every friday. Just as a gift to myself for getting through the week. ;p Maybe I'll get some wendy's or something.. well I dunno i'll decide once I'm finally out of here for the weekend. :P Well I should go punch back in. yay... ;p I'll update later maybe, if I remember. ;p

April 21, 2004; Go Toronto! :)

April 18, 2004; It's been a really long weekend.. not a relaxing weekend either. Friday night I went and drank at a friends house for a lil' while because I really needed it. Well I was only supposed to be there until around 10:30pm but I got stuck at his house because his toilet over flowed(with all the drunk people there.;p) and I couldn't get into the kitchen to get my shoes. So I was there until about 12:00am and I finally was able to walk home. Then saturday I was emotionally upset all day and then I got sick verrry late that night(and this afternoon)...
My mom thinks it could be stress because one I didn't drink that much on friday night(only 5 sips of my Smirnoff Vanilla) plus I would have gotten sick friday if that was the case, and two my doctors appointment I had on thursday(mom figures it just kinda hit me last night)... and three I'm back on the phone again for a while... plus there's other stuff that I don't want to get into right now.... so I guess it's just all the stress.
I really don't want to go to work tomorrow if I'm going to be feeling like this. Anyways I'm going to go lay down or something... I might rant later or something..

April 11, 2004; HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!! :)

April 1, 2004; Okay so I'm kinda scared... I'm currently downloading a tune by.. none other then the hoe-y chick herself, Britney Spears. For some reason I found this tune kinda catchy and I don't know why. I'm usually listening to ya know heavy stuff like Disturbed. My all time favorite band is and always will be Metallica. :) I'm still trying to learn how to play "Nothing Else Matters" but I'm slowly getting it. :) YAY! Go me! :) heh
Now I'll admit it yes I'm jealous of Britney, she's pretty, she's fit, guys like her. Why wouldn't I be jealous? But the point is I don't listen to stuff like this... so something is going on. :P I dunno what it is yet but I'm gonna have to look into it.
So yeah my week back on the phone is going just as expected so far... scared to heck and shakin' like a leaf in Autumn unwillingly getting ready to fall to the cold hard ground. ;p I swear if my doctor takes a look at me and says "I'm taking you off your pills because blah blah blah too stressed blah blah."(my nice almost no pain during 'wednesday week' pills ;p). I'm going to slap him... and tell him there is no way my pills did it, it's the damn fucking phone.... I absolutely hate it..
If I have to work on the phone for the rest of my life.. Forget it. I canNot handle that and I'll have to quit because it's alot of stress on me.. I mean people don't understand how stressed out I am on the phone. All I hear is 'oh but you're so good on the phone' and 'it'll get better as time goes on.' Well guess what I Don't feel so good on the phone... half the time my stomach hurts like you wouldn't believe and I can't eat anything because I'm so nervous... and it's been way over 6 months now. Bah it's crazy...
But I absolutley positively LOVE my Oracle work. It is Awesome!! :) But so far I don't think I've been two straight weeks happily doing my work and being off the phone. There's just not enough work for me to do. :(
While on the phone so far I've come accross a couple billing errors I would have had to fix in Oracle.. and I thought hey.. more work for me in Oracle if I leave it.. but then I fixed them because couldn't leave them there, darn conscious...
hey....*has a brain storm* maybe.. just maybe if my doctor sees that I'm so stressed out my body has taken the after effects he'll write me a note to get them to keep me off the phone!:) I wish... I'm such a dreamer.;p I need hugs:(

March 22, 2004; FINALLY! :) Off the phone again, man that was crazy I swear my stress levels went up a few points just over the week I was on the phone again... ;p Hopefully my doctor won't notice when I go see him sometime soon.. yay i hate going to the doctor. They just push meds on you when you don't need them ;p anyways i don't want to get into that. :P
IT'S SPRING!! :) Although you couldn't tell.. it was snowing today and was pretty cold when i went home after work. But still! :) Almost warmer times! :) I can't wait to go out side and just lay out in the sun, soooo nice and waaarm. :)
I still haven't really done anything with this site, any suggestions?:P

March 7, 2004; Sunday already... ;p I'm really not looking forward to going back to the phone again. :P I've been off and on the phone all last week. Mostly off though YAY! :) I've been in another department and I looove it! :) I still am in the department but the work hasn't come yet and no work = back to the phone.. I dunno what I'm gonna do tomorrow on the phone because my throat is so sore. ;/ I've had a sore throat since I woke up on saturday. Hopefully I'll get to go to the store and get alot of soup tomorrow after work heh :) Well anyways I don't really have anything else to update. :P Wish me luck tomorrow! :) Luv yas!:)

February 26, 2004; I decided to not use my camera. ;P I never turn it on anyways so... :P I'll leave the links there but I'm only keeping them there for when msn stops working. :p ttfn

February 22, 2004; I decided to add my webcam on here, yeah I'm scared too.. :p I don't like not knowing who's watching me though. :P It always says anonymous. So that sucks. :P For all I know it could be some stalker or something. ;p So my webcam might not be up for long. It's just me sitting there anyways not like it's all exciting or anything. ;p Well that's it for now. :P Oh yeah if ya wanna view the cam it's in the 'Polls and... stuff;p' link.

February 19, 2004; I'm snowed in. ;p I'll have to put some pictures on here of my car out in the snow. It's pretty much covered all the way now. My dad tried to shovel out some of it but by the time he got one part done and started the next part it was full of snow again, so he gave up. :P I didn't want to miss work I knew they'd be short staffed for sure.. :( But everyone is supposed to stay off the roads and I can't even move my car so i can't really help it. I tried to help by working from home but I've got dialup and by the time the page loaded everyone had finished working on them ;/ Then the main computer died so i didn't have internet. :( We had to set up the network all over again and set up the modem to another computer. So it's working fine now *crosses fingers* but I don't think I'll be going into work tomorrow. I'll do my best to work from home but dialup kinda doesn't help me out much to be able to do my best ;/
I hope everyone's okay out there, I'm really worried with all this snow and wind... :(

February 15, 2004; Yesturday was February 14th and as we all know(or most of us anyways:P heh) is Valentines Day. Now for everyone who is single out there knows that it's a day dreaded every year.(well for most single people;p) Everyone makes it so important that you HAVE to be with someone and you have to celebrate that day with them. Honestly I used to think that way on the many Valentine Day's I spent alone. But ya know when you think about it why do we make such a big deal over one day? I mean why can't we spend everyday thinking the same way we do on Valentines day? :) That's what I'm going to do from now on! :) Spending everyday with love for life and others.
We can't really give flowers and chocolate out to our loved ones everyday(as much as I looove chocolate heh:P) but ya know just have the same way of thinking everyday as you do on this famous day. :) Ya know... I love flowers but for me I'd rather have flowers that will last a long time and not just die after a week. Maybe something like fake flowers that will last forever or flowers I can plant and watch them grow and bloom just like love does. :) (Yeah I'm a hopeless romantic... :P) And black roses... those are soooooo pretty!! :) They're so dark red they look almost black. :) I'm gonna try growing them, maybe this summer! :)
And another thing... you ever notice how chicks are always excited over how big the engagement ring is? What's up with that? Just because the diamond is huge doesn't mean he loves you a lot more then if the diamond was smaller. Hell I'd prefer a smaller diamond. :P I'd be afraid to lose the darn thing. ;p For me the actual wedding band holds more love then the engagement ring. On the wedding band you can enscribe how much you love your wife/husband. You can have something romantic written on it that no one else sees just you and your wife/husband knows.
Yeah I dunno what got into me today. ;p Anyways! For something completely different! "...I wanna be a super hero! I wanna fly so high! I wanna be a super hero, live forever and I'm never gonna die." It's my new favorite song for the moment. ;p
Oh yeah and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!! :)

February 1, 2004; Well I start a new shift tomorrow, 10-7pm. :) I'm a lil' worried. I was just getting used to my desk and everyone. I really liked being in 12-9pm but I just wanted to get home earlier and maybe be able to see my friends every once in a while. Plus with 12-9pm it was get up, go to work, come home, eat then pretty much go to bed(or stay up later then 12 because I needed to relax before I went to bed). ;p So hopefully now I'll have a chance to relax and calm down before I go to bed. :) Well I should get to bed it's getting a lil' late and I need to get up early tomorrow. Wish me lots of luck and love tomorrow. :)

December 31, 2003; HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :)

December 29, 2003; BK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heh sorry My sister brought me home Burger King!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... It was sooooo good hehe :)THANKS Melissa! :)
Update on my computer; it has the hard drive and graphics card in it now. It's running XP too. So now I'll I have to do is hook up my monitor when my sister doesn't need to use it. :) So this weekend sometime I'll be able to use my computer upstairs and blast my tunes... well I'll be able to listen to them without headphones anyways. ;p Until next time! :) TTFN! :)

December 27, 2003; Holy moly!! :) I'm getting a whole new tower! :) So I'm gonna have USB! YAY! :) I'll be able to use my own webcam on my own computer! :) I'll update later my dad's gone to go get my computer! :) *dances around!* :)

December 25, 2003; MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! :) I hope you all had a great Christmas spent with loved ones! :)

December 14, 2003; The weekend's over already, did a little bit of decorating for Christmas, went shopping, bought some scratch tickets, in hopes that I'd win and be able to pay off my loan in one day. And possibly if I had enough money start my own clothing store. :) Because there isn't enough clothing that fits everyone. I mean I was trying to help my mom pick out a dress for the Christmas party but everything that would fit her looked like old people clothes... or really ugly. :P Most stores these days are for tall skinny people. Not to put down tall skinny people but I mean give us a break! Please?:P I don't like to have to cut off a couple inches of my pants, especially when they have a really neat design on the bottom of the pants. :P I found an awesome store in NJ that had clothes for me! I didn't even have to hem them! :) Maybe if I win the lottery I'll own my own clothing store and EVERYONE will be able to wear them. :) But we all know how the chances are at winning anything over $2. :P Not that I'm not happy with winning that much because hey it's something! :)
Well I've got work tomorrow so I better get to bed. Night night everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend. :) Hopefully you'll have a great week too! :) (*Biiig hugs for someone* :) You know who you are!)