E MAILS ON JACKIE - THE CRF MAILING LIST

These are the last few emails I posted to the CRF Mailing List (see LINKS for more information) and some of the responses I got....Deirdre is a former wife.

October 26, 1997

As we posted, Jackie started severe vomiting fits. On Tuesday it was 5 times, Friday it turned into vomiting every 4 hours or so. We tried all the medications, nothing worked. She stopped eating, and her depression was at the lowest I had ever seen. I also think she started to go into mild convulsions at times. On Saturday, we took her for an ultrasound and the results were that her left kidney had "shriveled" to nothing and her right kidney had "shriveled" to just 10% of its original size. We were told that there was no cat dialysis available, only a kidney transplant (if we could, we would give her our kidney but we ruled out a transplant as she could never handle being at a hospital for that long) and that even though her BUN and CR numbers may have been relatively low...the vomiting was due to the fact that she was in the end stages of renal failure. She is at the vet right now on IV. We couldn't make the decision right there on Saturday to put her to sleep. Our plan is to take her home Monday afternoon, spend the night with her, give her milk and all her other favorite foods (and hope she doesn't puke it up) and then on Tuesday, at home, we are going to give her tranquilziers from the vet, then a shot of sedation only from the vet again...and then when she is asleep, take her to the vet for the final shots. She will be buried nearby at Deirdre's parents' house in the back yard, next to two other family cats who had passed away. We are devastated. Diagnosed in August with CRF, we treated her immediately with SUB Q and diet and propulcid. But on October 1, she took a sudden turn for the worse (we knew she was gone then) and nothing seemed to work. Since Jackie was adopted from a local animal shelter, after she is finally at peace and buried Tuesday morning, we are going to the animal shelter and adopt a new kitten - in part to fill that wide void and in part because we think Jackie would want us to give another homeless cat the same love we gave her. Our thanks to everyone who helped us in this past week or so. But it looks like our journey has finally come to an end. Jon & Dierdre.

And some responses:

Dear Jon and Deirdre, You are such loving people. Jackie must have known that you would provide her with this loving care when she chose you as her humans. Your plans are perfectly loving. She will love you forever. Please take good care of yourselves as well. Warm hugs, Pat

Jon and Dierdre, I cried as I read your message about Jackie. I'd been wondering about her vet visit, and am so very sorry that the news wasn't better. I know how hard this is. You've given Jackie lots of love, and will lovingly say your goodbyes and help her leave this world, and I'm sure she feels your love surrounding her. My thoughts will be with you during this difficult time. Take good care... Gen

Jon & Dierdre, I am so sorry to learn Jackie is not doing well. You are going down a road that too many of us have already traveled. You are doing something that is in her best interests, not what will necessarily be easiest for you. No kitty can ask for more. Take care of yourselves.-Linda

This is an emotional roller coaster. When we called the vet to pick Jackie up today for her last day with us - we were told that she was making a complete turn around, was eating up a storm (even eating the k/d), didn't throw up or anything. We can't put her to sleep when she is up like this. (even the vet agreed - although he stated that with the advanced stage of renal failure that she is in, once she is off the IV, she will soon deteriorate again). We are taking her home tomorrow until Thursday. We will be giving her sporadic IV at home (the vet is putting in a new line and Deirdre is trained to do the IV). Then, because we are going away on Friday and Saturday, she will go back to the vet and on 24 hour IV until next Monday. At that point we will probably take her off the IV (unless we see that the sporadic IV at home isn't too painful for her). To be quite honest, we don't know what is right or wrong. We were all prepared for saying our goodbye on Tuesday. We put together momentos to be buried with her, made a little coffin, all arrangements, etc. We even printed out everyone's email to Jackie and was going to bury them with her too (we still will when the time comes) - we were as ready as we thought we were. And now I don't know if we're elated for the extra delay or what. Jon & Deirdre

And some responses:

Jon, Deidre, Please be assured that whatever you decide, whenever you do decide it, you will do it for the love you have of Jackie and that you do not want to put her through any extra suffering. Our little babies have gone through so much, it's incredible that they have had the strenght to go this far all without being able to verbally tell us what is wrong. And yet, I am sure that Jackie has told you in her own way how she is feeling. Take strength in your love for each other. Our thoughts will be with you this week. Kerry-Lynn, Jasmine and Flame

Dear Jon & Deirdre, OK now I'm on your roller coaster ride too. I am happy that Jackie is doing better. Please cherish this time with her and make every night like the one you were planning for her tonight. Yeah Jackie! Sylvie & Mimi

Dear Jon & Dierdre. I just had to email you as soon as I read about Jackie's turnaround. When my Clyde was diagnosed, we were advised by our vet to put him to sleep. We were told that he would never be the same...that his playing days were over, that he would never enjoy any quality of life....that he would probably only live another month at best, that he would suffer terribly...We made the arrangements to put him down...but then, at the last minute we changed our minds and said..."Let's just bring him home and see how he does" When I went to visit him at the vet...I was shocked! He was up and about, eating, playing with a toy, yowling for food...etc. This was the cat whose playing days were over??? I have never been more thankful that we changed our minds about putting Clyde down. It is 6 months later now and he is doing better than ever. He brings us so much joy and laughter every day...we are frightened when we think that he was less than 1 hour from death at our own hands. I know his time with us is limited, but as long as he is doing so well and acting like such a silly fool, we will not even think of the possiblity of euthanizing him. I really really hope that your situation turns out like ours did. We were all prepared for Clyde's death also...picked out a nice grave site for him next to our Cocker Spaniel, Joey and everything....but God had another plan. I will be thinking about you and Jackie. I hope you enjoy your time with her when she comes home. Make the most of it...that's what we are doing with our Clyde. Headbutts Brenda, Bonnie and Clyde

Of course, we cry as we type this. We brought her home from the vet and we were all set to do in home IV and "buy" more time. And then at 2am, she started vomiting again - enormous amounts of water with a little food. We're feeding her milk and her favorite stuff. When the vet opens, we're going there to get a sedative shot to bring home. We'll inject it at home into her IV opening and then bring her back to the vet for the last shots. Our love and best wishes to all friends, human and cat. Jon, Deirdre (and Jackie)

And some responses:

Jon, Diedre and Jackie: I'm crying too as I write this; I'm remembering my own final trip w/Smokey just a couple of weeks ago. Jon and Diedre, you need to remember how blessed Jackie has been to have two such wonderful parents who loved her so much and did everything possible to make her life and her final journey as comfortable as possible. She was as blessed w/you two as you have been having her be a loving part of your life. And Jackie, rest assured that there will be lots of loving friends to meet you at the Bridge and make you comfortable. They will help you in the transition and probably have lots of stories to share w/you about the family and friends they left behind. My prayers are with you all. Robbie

Dear Jon, Deirdre, and Jackie, I'll be thinking of you all throughout the day. Jackie will be joining the pantheon of much-loved friends who are no longer here for us in the fur, but remain alive and cherished in our hearts. Sending you all peace and comfort as you help her complete her journey, and as you go on. I'll be remembering Jackie tonight, with Molly. Prudence for Molly

Jon and Deirdre, I'm so sorry. Having been there, I know how much it hurts. What wonderful, compassionate friends you've been to Jackie-you've known when to hold on and help her, and you know when to let go too. Soon she will be free and happy, without the body that pained her. But I know it hurts a lot for you guys. Hugs to you both during this time of great loss. We will light a candle tonight in honor of Jackie. Janice - Mom to 7 cat kids and 2 kid kids In memory of Tofu

It's been a day of tears for us and I guess we will forever question whether we jumped the gun. The only thing that went unplanned was the amount of tears and pain; although we are happy that she no longer suffers with vomiting spells, depression, dehydration, stuffing pills down her throat, IV, SUBQ, k/d..you know the whole story. I was up with her all night. We fed her everything she shouldn't have and loved, let her sit on the window sill for the morning sun and rest. Took some last pictures, said our tearful (actually wailing) goodbyes, sedated her with a valium shot..she went to take a sip of milk..then fell asleep. It was a short ride to the vet. We were with her and put together her final resting place. Jackie is now resting on her favorite carpeted shelf, enclosed in a green pillowcase she used to love to rest on, and with her in the pillow case are all the lovely posts everyone sent, her toys, pictures of us, a copy of the Rainbow Bridge - she is in our hearts forever and always. We love and miss her so much. After we buried Jackie at Deirdre's parents, we adopted Bart and Lisa. They look and act like they could be Jackie's kids. We love them already but feel a little bit guilty, as I guess we always will. Jon & Deirdre

And some responses:

Jon & Dierdre, Heartfelt sympathy for you in your loss. Knowing when to let go cannot be easy and some days I think I will know when, others I wonder if I will be able to make that decision at the right time and what is the right time is such an elusive thing. Jackie is now resting peacefully and I'm sure will be reunited with you some day. Gentle head butts from Dexter and his mom, Mary

Jon and Deidre, I'm so sorry to hear about Jackie. I know how hard this time is for you. It's natural to feel a bit "guilty" and resentful of the new additions to the family but this quickly fades. They will never take Jackie's place but will certainly help you through the "life goes on" phase of grieving and pretty soon you'll wonder how you ever managed without them. In sympathy, Susan (& Sophie)

Dear Jon and Deirdre, I'm so sorry about Jackie. It makes you wonder why there has to be so much pain in this world, hopefully there is a better world for our kitties too. You were very brave to let her go. Love, Kathie

We stayed on the CRF Mailing List after Jackie died but two years later, on October 28, 1999, we decided to unsubscribe from the list.

October 28, 1999

Today is the second anniversary of the passing of our cat Jackie from CRF....who we still miss very much. Our memorial web site to her is at http://members.xoom.com/JackieTheCat/. We've stayed on the list because we felt like it was still a link to her but we guess it will be time to leave soon. We write this just to let all out there who are going through this with their cats that we all move on - we lose a little bit of our hearts when our cat passes to the bridge but we also gain some back in time. Jon & Deirdre

And some responses:

Nice web site for Jackie. Somehow these anniversary posts always make me sad. Thanks for the message above. Kary, Spike, Whitney, Bypass & Bif

Dear Jon & Deirdre. Wow - it HAS been 2 years. I lost Spoo about this time in 1997 too :(( If you want to see her site it's at http://www.west-point.org/users/usma1981/38329/spooky.htm I still miss her.... Bon

Jackie's photo is beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Jackie will always be with you in thought and memories. Cindi and Ditto

Sorry! I sent you the wrong message...what I wanted to say tp you was that I looked at your web site for Jackie and it's wonderful! What a beloved cat she was. You really have some cute pictures with your dear kitty. I wish that I had taken more photos of our baby Persia before she passed away, so we could do a tribute to her. Our thoughts are with you both on this sad day...Morgan and Zola

Hi Jon and Deirdre, Thank you for sharing her annivesary with us. I'm sure she stopped in her play today to smile down on the parents who loved her so and hold her memory dear. Peace, Heather

I know how you feel. I still can't bring myself to leave the list. Laurie

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