A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." (MEN JUST AREN'T EQUIPPED FOR THESE SORT OF CONTESTS)

QUICK WIT How do you tell the difference between a female cat and a male cat? You ask it a question and if HE answers, it's a male but, if SHE answers, it's a female.

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you shosho. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked. The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would jump off the top of the house if you came to visit us again."

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. To the other guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went over to the bum and offered him 10,000 bob for his dirty clothes. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum. Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of him, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"

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