(talking to an inmate about his lawyer): "Who do you think you are ...Claus Von Bulow? I don't know what Alan Dirt-For-Brains here told you, but you don't stand a chance."
(after telling a bald-faced lie): "I'm a cop. I don't lie".
(after meeting Jamie Ross for the first time): "Lot to be said for pretty faces, Lennie".
"How about it, kiddo, you want to ride around in a police car?"
"Okay, we've tried the turkey and the ham - we've had two cannoli apiece. Can we go?"
Lennie: "Rey, if anything moves in there, I'm backing you up."
Rey: "There's room for two in here, Lennie."
"Once when I was young, I boosted a car with some friends. Drove it around till we ran out of gas. Never got caught, but I had stomach cramps for a month. Catholic guilt."
"We're just wondering how come you didn't notice the elevator you took to the lobby had a naked dead girl lying on the floor."
Rey: "The body wasn't right (to be a model)"
Lennie: "It wasn't?"
Rey: "Nah, it was too short, hips were too wide."
Lennie: "That's pretty thorough work you did at the crime scene, Rey."
Rey: "It's just my job, Lennie."
(Cops find out a phone number in a male victim's "little black book" is to a convent):
Lennie: "St. Anne's Convent. Some girl gave him a bum steer. Well... happens to the best of us."
Rey: "Never happened to me."
A racist white girl talking about a black man: "My girlfriend wouldn't be caught dead with a guy like that."
Rey: "Like what... a tall guy?"
(Looking around a dead guy's apartment)
Lennie: "There's two empty wine glasses in the sink."
Rey: "There's two empty condom wrappers over there-- a near perfect Sunday afternoon."
Curtis: "You know my wife went to college here when she was still living with her parents. You see that statue over there? That's where we used to meet when we first started dating."
Briscoe: "Why, the computer room was booked?"
Curtis: "Nah, we'd go make out in the stacks (big grin)."
"Turn the page, he's wearing a Superman costume."
"I can't talk right now. I have to go to business school."BBBB
Lennie: ""Oh, Rey. Did you know that the ancient Greeks sometimes made coins of silver mixed with gold?"
Rey: Golly gee, Richard." (In a sing-song voice) "You're under arrest for the murder of Stephen Campbell.... "BBBB
(to a flirting dancer): "I'm more of a cumbia man."
(orders his favorite drink): "Whatever you got on tap."
Corboy: "A lot of the cops I dealt with were slimier than the perps. That's why I got out of the DA's office."
Curtis: "And became a personal injury lawyer?"
(Rey and Lennie fighting over a police corruption case:)
Rey: "It's not personal, Lennie!"
Lennie: "And what�re you gonna do, you gonna go to IAB."
Rey: "If Flynn's a wrong cop, you bet. You got a problem with that?"
Lennie: "You'll be buying yourself a lot of grief."
Rey: "I hope that's not a threat."
"What? You have better company picnics?"
OCCB guy: "The victim was a janitor? You mean as in a clean-up guy for the mob?"
Rey (slight chuckle): "No, as in a janitor."
(The cops looking through a list of people who ordered a hitman's 'how-to' book):
Lennie: "If you see one of my exes in there, let me know. Oh look, somebody in Quantico ordered six copies."
Rey: "Great, my tax dollars at work."
Briscoe: (in a sing-song voice) "My dad's a corporate lawyer, your witness is confused, I have a fine alibi_"
Curtis: (same sing-song voice) "_and an excuse for everything_"
"I'm gonna stuff your head into that little hole over there until you start telling us the truth."
Briscoe: "Who wants him, FBI, mafia, Fidel?"
Curtis: "Worse...ex-wife."
Briscoe: "Ah, garlic, Rey. The secret of fine cuisine."
Curtis: "Really? I thought it was cornflower."
"This is kind of like the Easter egg hunt at the Curtis household."
(A gray haired witness flirts with Lennie.)
Rey (smirking): "She likes you."
"Mmm, Mmm, what do they say, Lennie_ thank God they're stupid?"
(about being one of the common people): "Lucky us."
"Didn't you learn anything from Mr. Rogers? A policeman is your best friend."
"Yo yo, K-O."
"I bet she had a friend named Thelma."
(when a witness claims that FBI agents wear nicer suits): "I doubt that."
"What do they say_ it's lonely at the top?"
"You know when my babies were little, I used to walk around with them to put 'em to sleep."
Lennie: "You know, the CIA once tried to kill Castro with a poison cigar."
Rey: "Oh, I know, I know. In fact, they also found out he liked to scuba dive - they were gonna try an exploding seashell." (laugh)
(to a cheating husband): "Your wife's home cooking not good enough these days? You know,
maybe we oughtta break the news to her. In fact I think I got your home
number right here... I bet your girlfriend could teach your wife some
hot new dishes."
Curtis: "She left me, Lennie. She took the kids and split. She wants me out of the house."
Briscoe: "Why? What happened?"
Curtis: "I broke my vows. This girl, in the park - just a one-time thing_"
Briscoe: "How'd Deborah find out?"
Curtis: "I told her."
Briscoe: "Your second mistake."
Curtis: "You know, my old man used to chase women all the time and I swore I'd never be like him but_ "
"Hey, shut up."
"Goes to show - no good deed goes unpunished."
"Screw your ad hominem."
Jamie: "Who would you go to if you needed a hit man?"
Rey: "I'd find an old cop--preferably one with a lot of alimony."BBBB
Lennie: "Would you look at those girls, Rey? Thirty degrees, freezing rain, but they haven't taken a break since we got here."
Rey: "The politicians who complain about the vanishing work ethic should meet these women."
Fleeing suspect (after Rey catches him and slams him against a wall): "What'd I do?"
Rey: "You pissed me off, that's what."
"When we're done talking to her, you can stick her nose in the great lawn."
Darcy: "I know I was a little uncomfortable."
Curtis: "With college students?"
"If that kid didn't already have one, I'd give him a scholarship."
"You moved up from $20 a dance to $17 million pretty fast."
Kin Triandos: "Peter was old. He had medical problems."
Curtis: "Yeah, a cord wrapped around this neck."
"I think it's time we have another talk with Mrs. Triandos, if we can pry her away from her aroma therapist."
(to a guy accused of stealing): "In front of your son? That's gotta cut. Hey, I can understand. You got mad. That's what a man would do."
Hilary Colson: "I took him to look at carpet samples."
Curtis: "Well, you left a lipstick sample on him."
"What are they... cheerleaders?
Rey (sounding like a concerned father): "You wanna pop 'em in front of their kids?"
(Rey & Lennie are both working on the same phone line):
Lennie: "Hey, only one of us needs to push a button, alright?
Rey: "Okay fine, you do it. You don't have to wait to hear all the options."
Lennie: "Aw, cheer up, Rey. It could be worse."
Rey: "Yeah, the torso could have had a hip replacement."
"What do you want us to do -- send him a telegram and ask him to send some blood by return mail?"
Lundquist: "We can work out some kind of consulting fee?"
Curtis: "Not eating with Lennie is payment enough."
"Ninety percent of all police work is banal."
"I'm glad I haven't lost my touch."
"We should have brought party hats."
"Is he_ ? Are you trying to be a wiseass?"
"We like to know where everybody was_ we're kind of anal that way."
"What's shakin'."
(explaining why a celebrity's plane took off late): "Maybe the cappuccino machine got busted."
Lisa Lundquist: "Don't you want to sleep with me."
Rey: "Yes, I do. But�"
Lisa: "It's just sex. It doesn't have to go anywhere."
Curtis: "I wish it were that easy. I do. Thanks for your offer. (pause,
clarifies) Your job offer."
Lundquist: "So, Rey do you ever think about changing jobs?"
Rey: "Every Monday morning."
Deborah: "Time to go home, girls."
Olivia: "Can't Daddy come home too?"
Curtis: "Not tonight sweetheart. (to Deborah) You don't believe me."
Deborah: "I do believe you, Rey, that's the problem. I believed
everything you said for nine years."
Curtis: "Then why don't you believe me now?"
Deborah: "I don't like feeling like this, everything is open to question."
Curtis: "Not you and me. Not the girls. That's real, you _know_ that's
real."
Lisa: "I called Jack McCoy and told him that I want to testify."
Curtis: "About what? All the times we almost had sex?"
McCoy: "These memos are good. Heidi Ellison definitely put the kaibosh
on Newman."
Curtis: "So it was all worthwhile. I'll tell my kids in twenty years."
"I'm going to do whatever it takes. I gotta get back with her and the kids."
"C'mon, Raymond, we're all fellas here. We know how it is - you're popping wood and she's giving you the red light."
Rey: "So is Lewis Darnell invited to the wedding?'
Employer: "He's here six weeks, not a big social mixer but he's polite - he's helpful."
Rey: "So he can be an usher."
"You know what happens to a cop killer? They strap you down and put a needle in your arm. It doesn't feel like a pulled muscle."
Van Buren: "Keep it under control."
Briscoe: "Fine. Mitchell Titus is dead."
Ross: "We can't just assume that."
Curtis: "Why not? We assume the sun's gonna come up tomorrow morning, right? Same odds."<>BR>
Briscoe: "He's a robber, and a murderer, and a liar."
Ross: "Detective Briscoe wants to make sure you understand his position."
Curtis: "And mine."
"He wants us to put our asses on the line just to pull his out of the fire."
"For a prosecutor...in my experience, sometimes they're not too bright."
Jack: "At least you got to dodge the question by calling me an idiot."
Rey: "Yeah, that helped."
"Yeah, that's how we solve homicides, too - the nearest Puerto Rican did it."
Rey: "And I gotta say_ you strike me as a very perceptive person."
Witness: "It's a good thing you're good-looking, honey, if that's the best line you can come up with."
Lenny: "Sadly, it is."
Rey: "So help me out because I'm pathetic."
Gannett: "I don't get it. What's wrong with the suburbs?"
Curtis: "That's what I always say."
"No, stupid is lying to us now."
"Don't make me come back there and get you."
"Sounds like Dougie still had issues with his momma."
"What? She told you to lie to us in a s�ance?"
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