Bitter Fruit

"Now I'm not a fan, but maybe knee socks make you horny."

"The deal is, we think you took Jody on a little magical mystery tour."

"Your friendly neighborhood rapist?"

"It's just this kid--I see her lying on the slab, I can't help thinking_ it could be one of my-- "

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, that's your story?"

(teasing Lennie about an obvious observation): "Hey, that's pretty good."

Rebels

(with a gun to a suspect's head): "Go ahead, I'm buying."

(to same suspect in the interrogation room): "I don't need my gun - I gotcha in my clubhouse now."

(to Van Buren, referring to Lennie): "He doesn't like me, does he?"

Perp (who's about to be arrested for the second time): "Haven't we already danced this dance?"
Rey: "This one's going to be a long, slow one."

(Typing on computer): "Open the door, butt breath, you're under arrest."

Savages

"The only color I'm thinking about is blue."

"Bad time to kill a cop_ now the state gets to fry his ass."

"My air, my rules."

"Three kids and a shield, Marcy_ I've been busy."

"Now my partner's a patient man. Me? I get pissed off real easy, especially when I'm lied to. The more you lie, the more impatient I get."

(about Van Buren): "She still chapped?"

"We're getting hot."

"Guess what, buddy? It's just you and me. You happen to croak I can bury this so deep in self-defense the mayor will be pinning all kinds of medals on me."

"You listen to me, you piece of crap. That body in the morgue could be me. So when I see you sitting there with that smirk on your face, I don't feel like waiting for that state to put that needle in your arm."

"Let me offer him a cup of tea and some crumpets and tell him how sorry I am for wrinkling his shirt."

Anita: "This just came in--a warrant for Quinlan's financial records."
Rey: "Great, we'll nail him for not declaring his maid."

Jeopardy

"I'm sure he types fast with one hand."

"Take a look at the interest rate. Five percent fixed. I had to get on my knees for seven percent adjustable."

Hot Pursuit

Lennie: "The hour after sunrise_ cops and roosters."
Rey: "And the parents of small children."

Paranoia

"We're going to need a mop in here!"

"Personally, I find out you did this - I'd be perfectly happy to bring you into a back room and castrate you myself."

Humiliation

"You got a .22 _ you don't need a crowbar."

"Lennie, we've got a warrant to search, not eat."

"You know, man, every minute of mine you waste is another count on the indictment."

"Well, you lie once you're credibility in kinda shot to hell."

Angel

"I did, however, get a smack in the head from my dad. I always got a little smack in the head when I was out of line.

"Mass hysteria time."

"I remember one time when I was a kid - I pulled everything out of the refrigerator and I dumped it on the floor.'

""Well, we were just brought up different, that's all. Besides, I know my dad loved me and I turned out okay, didn't I?"

"All I know is my girls aren't getting married 'til they graduate from college."

"My wife's the one with all the patience in my family."

(showing off a picture of daughter Olivia): "Take a look. Second grade spelling champ."

"Spare the rod, spoil the child - that's what the bible says."

"The part I hated the most_ confession."

(about going to Church) "Believe me, it was torture - my buddies were all playing ball."

(in church takes a deep breath) "I like it when it's quiet like this. Really helps you think better."

"You know what bothers me - poor Rachel - she should have a Christian burial."

(in a whisper): "Tell me."

Blood Libel

"Hey, be down with this. When Hastings talks about the mud people, who do you think that is? That's you, Eddie. That's you and me. We're the mud people. After they're done with the Jews, the Blacks, the Asians, the Arabs, who's next? Sooner or later the mailman comes to your gate... hermano."

Remand

Corpus Delicti

"What am I, on some kind of trainee program? Fine! You want me to question the horse's friends and neighbors, find out if maybe he was having some problems in his love life?"

Rey (comparing weapons at the firing range): "Oh, that's beautiful, Lennie. A real antique."
Lennie: "Oh, yeah? When that semi-auto of yours jams up, this antique'll still be firing."
Rey: "Sure. 'Till it runs out of bullets - all six of them."

Insurance investigator: "People who kill horses for insurance money used to use barbiturates. Then we developed a test for that. They switched to insulin. We've got a test for that."
Rey: "What now? Letter bombs?"

Trophy

"Let's try it without all the cracks, alright?"

Rey: "I'll tell you what - you swear on the Bible you never touched those boys and we'll walk right out of here."
Simon: "The Bible is not for playing games."
Rey: "This is no game. This is serious. This is a crime."
Simon: "But I didn't do it."
Rey (quickly, badgering): "And I'll believe you - just swear to God. Just put your hand right there. Go ahead, swear to God. Go ahead, put your hand down on that - swear to God."

Charm City (HLOTS crossover, Part One)

(about Pembleton): "That son-of-a-bitch."

(about Pembleton & Bayliss) "Can you believe those bastards?"

"Hey, we don't need this crap."

(to Pembleton): "So_ all's well, right?"

(to Pembleton): "You should quit (smoking)."

(ordering his favorite drink) "Whatever you've got on tap."

For God and Country (HLOTS crossover, Part Two)

(in a juvenile detention center): "These places depress the hell out of me."

"I've got three kids of my own and you have no idea how tough it is for a mother or father to worry about their child. It's really, really hard."

"Give the crusade a rest, Pembleton."

"Information is power."

(The cops are doing a `relationship' comparison):
Rey: "Married 6 years, I've got three kids and at night when I have dirty dreams they're about my wife."
Kay: "Oh, make me puke!"
Rey: "What?"
Kay:" Oh c'mon, you don't come to a show-your-warts party and have clean skin. It's rude."
Rey laughs.

Frank Pembleton: "You got children?"
Rey: "Yeah, three girls. Living proof that angels do exist."
Frank: "All three natural births?"
Rey: "Uh_ one was c-section. The other two were vaginal."
Frank: "Your wife breastfeed all three?"
Rey (laughing): "Sounds like your wife's expecting, Pembleton."
Frank: "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, she's due in May. It's our first."
Rey: "Oh, that's great, man. Don't stop at one."
Frank: "Well, it's not really up to me. I mean, it's not my body putting on an extra forty pounds or my hips dislocating during the birth. Not to mention the episiotomy."
Rey: "You're glad you ate the apple, huh?"

Lennie: "Next time I think I'll marry a cop. At least I'll know what not to talk about."
Rey: "Really! No more having to rehash the gory details of a murder scene at the end of a day."

Custody

Encore

Dobson: "If you run into the killer, tell him I recommend the soft shell crabs."
Curtis: "Are those in season?"

"Gee, you mean Giabone hired him without an MBA in Amusements Management?"

"I hate to lay down in front of the bandwagon..."

Savior

"This guy pulled more strings than Jim Henson."

Manning: "Don't I get a lawyer or something?"
Curtis: "I'll bring in the yellow pages. They got pictures."

Deceit

"What about dead lawyers? How do they affect the biosphere?"

"Hey, c'mon, Tony. The guy hurt you. We've all been there."

(sheepishly, about his previous boss) "She was coming on to me."

Atonement

"Missing Persons is too backed up to investigate a missing person?" BBBB

Van Buren: "You're planning a convent for you girls?"
Rey: "I'm planning to raise them right."
Lennie: "I got news for you - all your advice is optional after the day they buy their first bra."
Rey: " Yeah? Then I'll lock 'em in their room."

Briscoe: "Picture this: Detective Rey Curtis on his afternoon break in a Jacuzzi with a hooker."
Curtis: "Picture me lying dead in an alley, with my wife standing over me."

Bystander: "Can I put my clothes on?"
Rey: "Yeah... please."

Slave

(impatiently): "Yeah, I got that - fast forward, please."

"You know what scares me? That somebody like that could go to school with my daughter."

"There's one kid who doesn't want to grow up to be a cop."

"As a cop, I should have stepped in. But as a parent, that kid was selling crack. That rates a big hug and a trip to Disneyland."

"I'm not one of those parents who has a problem taking a strong stand against drugs. I never took drugs and I don't feel like a hypocrite telling my kids not to."

Van Buren: "Your conduct was unacceptable."
Rey: "Why? Because I let a father discipline his kid?"

Girlfriends

Lennie: "You read about the college where they have a rule that a guy has to get permission for every stage of a make out session? Can I touch you here? Thank you. Umm, now can I put my hand there?'
Rey: "Isn't that how you do it Lennie--beg?"

Van Buren: "What about you?"
Curtis: "I wouldn�t date him."BBBB

Campus police: "If there's anything else our department can do_"
Rey: "You can start by standing over there."
CP: There's been two rapes on campus the last six weeks."
Rey: "Maybe your department can do something about that."

Lennie: "Hey, she's twenty-one years old. What did she need sleeping pills for?"
Rey: "Yeah, well, things aren't all sweet and relaxed like when you were a kid."

Rey: "Nice clothes. This is the same designer Madonna uses."
Lennie: "What are you, moonlighting at Vogue?"
Rey: "Hey, I live with four women."

Suspect: "Look, when did this happen? Thursday night? I was with my wife at my in-laws. If you want to kill me, too, ask them."
Rey: "You can count on it."

Pro Se

Briscoe: "Besides battling the forces of evil, what other trouble has he been in?"
Van Buren: "Only one arrest, for stalking a woman 16 months ago. He pleaded out on harassment two, 6 months probation and a $500 fine."
Curtis: "I guess if he'd killed her, it would have been $1000."

Homesick

Aftershock

Profaci: "What's up with him?"
Curtis: "He just lost the lotto. He takes it very personally."

Curtis: "Come on, we�re going for a walk."
Manny: "Easy, dude!"
Curtis: "That�s Detective Dude."
Manny: "Yeah, well, nice threads for a cop. Oh I get it, you�re on the under-the-table plan."
Curtis: (Slamming him into the wall) "Gonna shut your face or what?"
Manny: "Heh heh, sounds like I hit a sore spot, what is it, kickbacks from dealers? Hookers? Uh? What?" (slam) "Hey man that hurts!"
Curtis: "I told you to shut up!"
Manny: "Hey, it�s not my problem you get extra-curricular activities! So Officer Krupcke, what�s it gonna cost to get my butt outta here?"
Curtis: "You gonna keep spouting off like that? I tell you to shut up, you shut up or I�m gonna rip that tongue outta your throat! You gonna shut up? Shut up!!"

Curtis: "Well, you know, I wanted to be the Boss, but I wasn't from Jersey and I couldn't carry a tune."
Coed: "Still cute."
Curtis: (pause) "And married."

Coed: "What happened, bear market go to hell today?"
Curtis: "Something like that."

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