I don't recall if there is any love left in me for him. So much clutter has accumulated between us that I can only see the parasite that he has become in my life. Breaking free of this..... I wish I could. There was a moment that I could remember more, but that was only after I told him that I wasn't sure about moving to New York. Still now, my best friend, every time I touch him is an apology. Could someone stop this for me please? I am doing a crap job at managing this one.
Neither am I doing well with the other. How can I be such a hypocrite and allow myself to imagine what it would be like to stay with him? How much of my fascination for him is part and parcel of my distaste for my current situation. If all of this were gone, and it was just he and I, would I feel the same?
No pretty pictures this month. I graduate next month and that day cannot some slower. I hate NY.
