October 15, 2004

Ok so where do I even begin? First off, let me just say that this is a very important day!!! I would like to thank Ronald Reagan (God Bless his soul) for making a special day for those of us who have lost a child.
There are no words to describe the pain that a mother feels when a child passes away! I heard a wonderful saying that just really hit home...."When a childs parent dies, they are called an "Orphan", when a spouse dies, they are called "Widowers", but when a child dies, there are no words to describe the parents of such loss!" This is so true!
It has been a year now since I lost my precious little TJ. Everyone asks me "How are you doing?" "Are you better?"....well the answers are, "I am coping, and no I am not better!". I don't know if I will ever be better. It certainly does not feel that way right now!
On TJ's first birthday (September 15, 2004) we (my husband, my 3 kids, my mom and I) went to the cemetary. Everyone had a balloon in their hands! I bought a mylar balloon that had the cutest little bear, with a train on it...and it says Happy 1st Birthday! That one I tied around his vase of flowers. The other balloons were released to him after we sang Happy Birthday! My mom brought a candle and we lit it. It truly was a special day. Even though it hurt, I knew what a celebration he, himself, was having in Heaven.
The following week, which was the 22nd, was a much harder day for me. On that day, it had marked the 1 year anniversary of his death. I didn't stop by the cemetary, it was just to hard. I ended up going grocery shopping! Luckily, I didn't eat all of the food I bought :).
My older boys have been out of school for the last 2 weeks for their "Fall Break". SO I have been really busy with them!!!!
Speaking of which, I better end here, and go get some lunch ready for them! I hope to start updating my journal more often!!! It really does help!

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