On Monday morning about 1:30 a.m. I had gotten up and fed him a bottle. Nothing unordinary. He was fine, or so I thought. I laid him back down after he ate and he was awake. I gave him and kiss, told him I loved him, and told him we had a busy day ahead of us to go back to sleep and wake me in a couple of hours.
I say we had a big day because after I got my older 2 boys off to school, TJ had a newborn check up at 8:45 a.m. After his appointment, I had to go to my OB to get my staples out.
I laid back down, not thinking about anything going wrong. Life was good.
At 6:00 a.m., my alarm went off and instantly I KNEW something was wrong! Why didn't he wake me up before now? He should have woke me up around 3:30 or 4:00 a.m.! I JUMPED up out of the bed (not thinking anything about the staples in my stomach!)
When I looked over at the crib and see him blue, well more of a pale color, I
picked him up and started screaming. Thank God my husband was here because he took him from me and started CPR. I called 911 and don't even know what all I said. All I know is they asked for a neighbors phone number so I gave them my mother n laws. I don't know why I didn't give my sister n laws number because she is a nurse. I guess I did good to remember my mother n laws number at that time. As soon as my mother n law got here I fell to the kitchen floor. I don't remember very much after that. I guess I felt as though she was here and I could have my break down.
What seemed like eternity the ambulance finally got here! I do remember my mother n law, sister n law, my husband, and I all got on our knees out in the yard and prayed. I prayed so hard but now, wonder if I prayed hard enough or loud enough. Did God not hear me? Did He not think I had enough faith?
The paramedics wouldn't let either my husband or I ride with them. When we finally did arrive at the hospital, they put us in the little room where they have prayer service. I knew they were going to give us bad news and they did. The doctor came in and told us he had terrible news. I started screaming, but that is all I remember. Oh I do remember them asking me if I wanted to see him...Of course I wanted to see him but I was so scared to see what he looked like. They told me he had a tube in his mouth and an IV in his leg and that they couldn't remove them.
When they brought him to me, I remember he was so small and helpless. He was so cold, even through the blanket. And remember how I said they didn't put a cap on him when he was born? Well they put one on him when he passed. Why? Why try to keep the heat in his body then? I just don't understand it.
My pediatrician came in and told us that it was Crib Death or what is now called SIDS. Oh man! I had did so much reading about SIDS with all my babies but never thought it would happen to us! UGH! Especially because he WAS my 4TH baby!
My husband went to the funeral home (bless his heart) and took care of all of the arrangements while I went to get my staples out.I do remember how extra special my OB/GYN's office was! They had me stay outside until it was my time to go back, then they came out and got me. So that I wouldn't have to sit in the waiting room. I am forever grateful to them. All of them were great, and i couldn't have asked for a better doctor!!
My best friend went to be with him until I could get there. And she went and bought the most beautiful Christening gown for his last outfit! It was so beautiful ( Thank you Julie ).
On Wednesday September 24, we laid my baby boy to rest. I know there was a big turn out of people but it is all a blur. (If you were there, and are reading this now.....Thank you for being there! I may not remember if YOU were there but I could feel it!) That was the 2nd hardest day of my life!!!!
