ika-labingtatlo




	Abyss HOME Ako Words in Motion Vampires Winds Cemetery Monsters ang manika green Gallery Links Niji's Alter Ego Niji's Lust Friendster Credits Project Zen Hybrid Genesis Aethereality.net Guests '); try { x = screen.width; y = screen.height; cboxwin.moveTo(Math.max((x/2)-250, 0), Math.max((y/3)-250)); } catch (e) {}; } Guest Book
			Winds My family. Nature itelf. Long introspections, varied emotions. Law of Conservation of Matter It started with a crash. I guess everything somehow starts out this way, that, as mortals with brains that can only grasp so much, we're just not aware of the complexities of nature and physics and everything that we know that influence the lives of men around this blue sphere we call Earth. Things colliding with varying degrees of force, it is in the heart of everything. It is in the heart of both creation and destruction. (Though it is said that matter cannot be created or destroyed; only transformed from one form into another, or so states the Law of Conservation of Matter, yet one can only be skeptical about these "Laws". So in this piece, with your permission, I move to suspend this Law and thus I continue with my almost incoherent rambling.) Everything in this world is borne out of things bumping and smashing into each other. Immense quantities of energy are produced by the swirling, chaotic dance of atomic particles crashing into one another. Lives are ended when bullets and shrapnel run into vital organs. The universe is one big bumper car ride and more often than not, these collisions leave marks that would last us for the rest of our forsaken lives. (I'm not really bitter, just being borderline psychotic, neurotic, and manic-depressive but not bitter. No, Good heavens, NO.) This epiphany happened when your existence first crashed into my reality. You are a bowling ball bringing disorder to the orderly group of ten pins that is my life. You suddenly appeared without warning, very much like Germany's blitzkrieg invasion of Europe, and there's no way in hell that your commanding presence could go unnoticed. And like a Frenchman caught with his drawers around his ankles, a muffled "Sacre bleu!" was all I can utter in the face of such inevitability. Pretty much like introducing a bullfrog to an alien ecosystem, everything was thrown off balance. Every routine, every habit, schedule, every time table I've planned you turned conveniently to crap. Instead of being alarmed, I was drawn even more so to that magnificent source of distraction, destruction and pain. My days were soon filled with the constant bickering (You always looked so cute whenever you're annoyed so I tried to piss you off as best as I can), the smug swagger you'd do after I've given up and surrendered to your whims, the shrill, ear-piercing shriek as you sang, and the way you playfully smack the back of my neck for no apparent reason. Curiously though, these are the high points of my day. Despite the harrowing carnage that you've wrought, I started to rebuild around you. I made you the agora of my new metropolis, very much akin to how a tree's bark grows over a deeply-driven nail. Oblivious to the painful fact that deeply-driven nails can be forcefully removed, leaving the bark disfigured, and dying. As sudden as your arrival was your departure, effectively transforming everything in my world into one beautiful, putrid, decrepit, twisted and twitching mass of emotional trauma. Such was your power over me. Someone who didn't take bull from anybody, you turned into a sniveling little boy. Someone who defied authority, you made into an obedient machine. Yet something tells me that I wouldn't want it any other way. Now I believe, neurotic as it may seem, our time together was really brief, almost a split of a split second in a cosmic time scale of the universe. As instant as the moment of contact a bullet shares with a wall before ricocheting away. (Though some walls are lucky enough that some bullets get stuck). Our encounter was so brief and quick and instant that it shouldn't really matter. To further dwell on it is just a waste of time, oxygen and brain cells. Why the title then? Why all the talk about crashes, collisions and impacts? You are a 460mm shell fired off the massive guns of the legendary WWII battleship Yamato. I am a wall of the first little pig's flimsy straw house. And while you have decimated and obliterated me completely, I wasn't able to manage even the slightest dent on you. I grieve on the Death of Your Soul Oh lord...dear dear Lord, i understand it now. I guess the right time has come for you to show me the painful truths..i really can't evade time i guess. You told me that when i am ready i will know the reasons..and now..i understand it perfectly. Like the lucid waters of the ocean...the deep amber pools of his eyes..has gone away. Faded, into the cold dark night. The man i have built my world with, the gravity of intense emotions, a sanctuary behind all conflicting dimensions. I hear everything, the lies, the truths. The words..and significantly the soul behind it. It's no longer the soul that i have yearned for..The same shell, yes. But a different soul. A totally different one. The music that our hearts and souls have once intertwined, no longer plays the same tune..I can barely hear the sound of heartbeat. i can barely hear the sound of his breathing... he was dying then and i knew it deep inside..I just didn't want to see it. I was so busy taking care of his heart, i didnt notice that mine was already dying..and his heart followed my decaying soul to the depths of hades. Until i woke up..and another soul has taken his place..a stranger who loved another. The man who was destined for me..followed the death of my heart. He is no longer there... no longer here. He is now but an empty shell..a different person. And I, blinded, wounded, trying to fight the battle i thought was for him not noticing the depths of my own scars. If he was here...he would've saved me. He would protect me..even from himself. But he didn't..and then i knew. Its not him. My love, i know you are out there somewhere... maybe you are the soul that haunts my dreams. The one who comforts me at night when the weariness sets in and i close my eyes, and my sorrow is my lullaby. You would have not wanted me to be miserable and broken. No longer can i stay this way then..for i know you are there, watching. Crying for this misery, feeling the cold of my loneliness... then i know now. that i am not alone..for i see you. watching me.. in the dark. waiting for the right time until my wounds have healed. I did not die alone. You died with me...and still you carry me in your arms when i am lifeless and limp. Our love will surely surpass this.. at the right time..i shall see you again. our souls will be one.. I know you'll find a way..find another shell..it doesn't matter who's human body it is. As long as your soul will be intertwined with me. Perhaps not in this life. I have created a soul within a soul...and you have created a heart in me. Goodnight love, Until the right time comes... carry me in your arms again, for it is cold..and i am so alone.. comfort me with the beat of your heart, with that anonymous face but a well known gaze. We will be together soon..when i am ready..you will find me and i will wait for you. If not in this life then forever. Copyrights & Credits Ikalabingtatlo © Simmone Valentine Image from Project Zen Brushes © Hybrid Genesis Designed by Aethereality.net

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