| Humie's Laughables!!! |
| Blondes Continued - Page 3!!! |
| Why did the blonde quit her restroom attendant job? She couldn't figure out how to refill the blow dryer. There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, ''Greenside up.'' The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, ''I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.'' The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ''Greenside up!'' The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, ''I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.'' The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, ''Greenside up.'' The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, ''Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?'' The contractor replies, ''You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street.'' One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. ''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!'' Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect. ''Easy,'' she replied. ''He only has one eye.'' The chief was stunned. ''He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!'' He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him. ''He only has one ear,'' was her answer. ''What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!'' He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, ''How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.'' After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, ''He's wearing contact lenses.'' This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, ''How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!'' ''Well,'' she said, ''he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?'' A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart. While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room. He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats? She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, ''FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!'' A blonde and a red head jumped off a cliff. Who hit the bottom first? The red head; the blonde had to stop and ask for directions A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, ''What for? Are you going to set it on fire!'' A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' ''Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!'' A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?'' A blonde wanted to personalize license plate, but she couldn't afford it, so she changed her name to H62D4P. Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4 |