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A child asks his mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with, 'Once upon a time?' " His mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while they begin with 'I'll be working late at the office tonight.'" |
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Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw their client's wife in bed with another man. "Just as I suspected," said the first. "Let's go in after him." "Great idea," the other replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?" |
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The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this..��You're a Siamese twin. Your brother, attached at the shoulder is gay and you're not. But you only have the one ass. Feel better? |
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Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Lets see who has the largest penis," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Now not to be outdone, the Hillbilly kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and girth. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow that thing is huge!" they exclaim.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Hillbilly kid's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ... and during recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest penis." "What kind of game is that?" says the mother. "Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our cranks, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is that true, Mom?" The Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-three." |
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here."
The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, �I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde'.� He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal." |
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How does a �Puerto Rican� girl know when her mother is on the rag? Her brother�s dick tastes bad. |
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A man gets in bed with his new girlfriend to have sex the first time. Getting on top of her he tries to put it in but its too tight. �Just a second� she says and promptly goes into the bathroom. A minute later she comes out and slides under the covers. He slides it in and everything goes fine.
The next night they have sex again but again it is too tight. She goes in to the bathroom and afterwards everything is good again.
The third night in a row they are under the covers and he finds she is too tight again. So she starts getting up to go into the bathroom and he say�s �are you going to have to lubricate every time before we have sex?� to which she replies. �Oh, I don�t lubricate it, I just pull back the scab.� |
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A 16 year old girl makes big plans where her friends are really depending on her. She goes to her dad to borrow the car. �Dad� she say�s �I really, really need the car bad tonight. All of my friends are depending on me.� Her father suddenly pulls down his pants and say�s �Well if you want to use the car, you will have to give me a blow job first.� Eyes wide with shock she says �Dad, you�re my father!� He just looks at her and say �well it�s the only way you can have the car. Do you want it or not?� She thinks about it and how her friends are waiting. Finally she drops to her knees and starts to give him one when she jumps up and says �oh my God dad, it tastes like shit� �oh that�s right!� he says �your brother has the car.� |
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PAGE-5 JOKES PAGE-7 |
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