A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
     The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.
      " They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."  Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
      The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."  He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
     "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God�
      A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for a loan officer.  She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.  The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.  So the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank.  Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.  A bank employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
     Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5000 and the interest, which is $15.41.  The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.  While you were away, we checked you out, and we found out that you are a multimillionaire.  What puzzles us, is why would you bother to borrow $5000?"  The blonde replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15?"
    "Last week, Human Resources said they were going to garnish my wages.  Call me dense, but I fail to see how a sprig of parsley in my paycheck will make it anymore attractive!"
    A couple of hunters in the rural south are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
     The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
     There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
     Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.  As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.  They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.  As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us?  Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" 
The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrrr-gerrrrrr, Kiiiinnnng".
    A dark-haired man, a bald man and a blonde man were doing construction work on a scaffold on the 20th floor of a building.  They were eating lunch and the dark-haired man said, "Corned beef and Cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building!" The bald man opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again!  If I get burritos one more time in my lunch, I'm going to jump off too!"  The blonde man opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again!  If I get bologna one more time in my lunch I am going to jump off this building, too!"
     The next day, the dark-haired man opened his lunch, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped off the building to his death.  The bald-man opened his lunch and saw a burrito and jumped to his death as well.  The blonde man opened his lunch, saw a bologna sandwich and followed the other two men to his death.
     At the funeral, the dark-haired man's wife wept.  She said, "If I'd known how really tired of corned beef and cabbage he was, I would've never given it to him again!"  The bald man's wife wept and she said, "I could've made him soup or something.  I didn't realize he hated burritos so much!"  Everyone turned and stared at the blonde man's wife, who said, "Hey!  Don't look at me, he mad his own lunch!"
PAGE-4        JOKES        PAGE-6
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1