Three men are sitting naked in the sauna.  Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
     A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
     The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a Fax," he explains.
    It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.
     He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.
     "Tell me about the day you died?" he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this", said the man "I'm naked, I'm hiding inside a refrigerator...."
    Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
     The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doing?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he has been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
     When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he would like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know that you drink Budweiser." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
      A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.
      The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!"
    The CIA is considering three women to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first woman comes in and sits down.
"Do you love your husband?" "Yes I do, Sir."   "Do you love your country?" "Yes I do, Sir."    "What do you love more, your husband or your country?" "My country, Sir!"     "Okay...your husband is in that other room. Now take this gun and go into the next room and shoot him."
     The woman goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. She comes back, all sweaty. She puts down the gun and leaves... she couldn't do it.
     The second woman comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks her the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives her a gun, and tells her to go kill her husband. The woman puts the gun down and says, "I can't do it..."
      The third woman comes in, same scenario. The interviewer gives her a gun, and tells her to go shoot her husband. The woman goes into the room, and - BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The woman comes out of the room and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at her and says "What the hell happened in there?!?!"    "Well, the gun you gave me was filled with blanks - so I had to beat him with a chair!"
    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home my little mother of six?"
     His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back,  "Anytime you're ready, father of four!"
PAGE-2           JOKES          PAGE-4
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1