island, all he finds are a dog and the fattest sow he's ever seen. Well after a week the man starts to get exceptionally horny. After another week even the sow starts looking good enough to do. Finally after a third week he grabs the pig and gets behind it and is just about to stick himself inside the sow when the dog grabs him and drags him away from it. He waits �til night and sneaks up to the sow and out of no where the dog comes and fights him off.
A week and many attempts later he is sitting out on the beach when he sees a raft floating a little ways off. As the raft gets closer he sees there is a beautiful woman lying unconscious on it. Diving into the water he brings the woman ashore and revives her. Thanking him for saving her life she tells him that she will do anything he wants. Not believing his luck he makes sure and says "anything at all?" "Anything" she says, "absolutely anything"! To which he replies "will you take my dog for a walk"?
�Who was this with�? The priest asks. �I�m sorry� the boy says, �I can not tell you that, please forgive me�.
�Was it Mary Stuart�? the priest asks. �I�m sorry� the boy says, �I can not tell you that, please forgive me�
. �Was it Lisa Smith�? the priest asks. �I can not tell you that, please forgive me� the boy replies.
�O-Kay�, the priest says, �Go home and say 7 Hail Mary�s, 4 Our Fathers, and your sins will be forgiven�.
The boy leaves the confessional and walks up to his friend who asks him, �What did you get�? To which he says, �I got 7 Hail Mary�s, 4 Our Fathers, and two good leads�!
1- Its been a rough day. I got up this morning... put on a shirt and a button popped off. I picked up my brief case and the handle popped off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
2- When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
3- When I was born... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... but he pulled through.
4- My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
5- I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
6- I went to the doctor because I had swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
Her Side of the Story:
He was in an odd mood Sunday night. We planned to meet at a bar for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it.
The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.
His Side of the Story:
The Bears lost. Got laid though.