I hate when I go back and read some of my old columns and no longer understand some of the inside jokes.
Last week I visited Candace Cameron's (of Full House fame) website and took a quiz called "Are you a good person?" It made me realize that I have broken nine of the ten commandments. Kind of seems like a lot.
Ever since Dave pointed out the Murphy's Deli "Muff-a-licious" billboard at 59 and Kirby, I giggle like a junior high school boy every time I drive past it.
Don't you hate those situations where you know who someone is, but you don't know them well enough to strike up a conversation, so you pretend like you don't know them at all everytime you see them? Law school and med school both seem to be crawling with this kind of situation. My strangest
11-11-04 - Lingerie Ball Recap
10-31-04 - NBA West Preview
10-27-04 - NBA East Preview
10-5-04 - The Fantabulous Houston Astros
10-4-04 - Catching Up
7-6-04 - Some Thoughts
7-5-04 - My Triumphant Return
Archives
1) It's Good to Be in Love- Frou Frou
2) Everything in it's Right Place- Radiohead
3) I Wanna Be Your Dog - The Stooges
4) Your Birthday Present - The Good Life
5) It's A Hit - Rilo Kiley
6) Banquet - Bloc Party
7) Take On Me - Ah Ha
8) If Your Mother Only Knew - Rahzel
9) What Became of the Likely Lads - The Libertines
10) Twilight - Elliot Smith
If you haven't figured it out by now, never listen to me when I try to guarantee something here. I promise to write three columns a week...hasn't really happenned. I promise to not hook up with Rice undergrads...whoops. I promise to stop drinking to excess...well, let me tell you about a night out at the Marquis a couple of weeks back. The Astros had just taken a 3-2 lead in the NLCS and I had won money at poker, so it seemed like a good night to go out. It was Tuesday, so the Marquis seemed like the only reasonable option. Alex, Blake, Amir, and I went at about midnight with the idea of having one tea. Chien had other ideas. I finish one tea and he puts a second tea in front of me. Since I'm not driving, I figure there is no harm in a second tea. I failed to consider that the problem with two teas is that I become much more susceptible to peer pressure to drink a third tea. And after three teas, it doesn't seem to be much more effort to drink the remainder of everyone else's teas at the table. Since I drank all of this in such a short period of time, I was still in pretty good shape when we arrived at TC. According to my "friends", I was still making jokes while we waited to order our food, but over the next thirty minutes they got to watch the third/fourth teas make their way through my body. Highlights: 1) After ordering, I grabbed a chair, walked up to a group of middle-aged nurses, straddled it and asked, "How you ladies doin'?", 2) Was taken back to our table and had such problems eating that I had food dribbling down my face, 3) Was passed out enough that Chien got a couple of gay black men to come rub the top of my head, 4) Was aware enough that Amir was messing with me that I kept repeating, "Fuck.....you, Amir", and 5) Was a drunk savant. I couldn't chew food, speak coherently, or keep my eyes open, but when asked who was starting for the Astros the following day, I perked up, opened my eyes, and answered "Pete Munro".
I was going to write about Curt Schilling being a media whore after the Red Sox won the World Series, but I took too long to write this column so that piece is no longer too timely.
Neither is my "Go Vote!" motivational message.
Nor is my announcement that the Coco-Loco is having a competition to find "Houston's Freakiest Girl" on Saturday. November 13th. I really think I need to write more.
Though not as fun as the Siegfried and Roy drive-by story, I was still interested to learn that John Franco may have mob connections. If nothing else, that explains how he is still employed in the majors at age 44 even though he hasn't gotten anyone out since 1999.
Our house has been the venue for some spectacular guy talk conversations over the last few months, but none has stayed with me/scared me more than one we had about our eventual fatherhood. After poker one night, we were watching an MTV show when Chien remarked, "If that was my daughter, I'd totally want to sleep with her". Ignoring the train of thought that led to that statement and the fact that Chien regularly interacts with and coaches high school age girls, this managed to spark some sort of debate about whether it was possible for any of us to be attracted to our daughters. Although there were shades of grey, about half of the people in the room were aguing in favor of it. Yes, girls, guys really are this bad when you aren't around.
Another conversation I enjoyed occurred while we drove to a Halloween party. Some how the topic turned to masturbation. A very rough transcript:
MMM: When Jeff masturbates, he thinks about me.
Glenn: That's likely.
MMM: No, really!!!!!
Glenn: Have you seen how much porn he has on his computer?
MMM: Well, that was there before me.
Glenn: Guys never think about their current girlfriend when they masturbate. They think about porn stars, actresses, and former hook-ups. There is no chance that he is thinking about you.
Jeff (under his breath):Shut up, Glenn.
MMM: But I'm different. He told me so.
Glenn: Well, what do you think he is going to tell you?!?! I'm just letting you behind the curtain.
(Uncomfortable silence interrupted only by Jeff saying "Oww!" in the back seat.)
Rice's homecoming was two weekends ago. The Saturday of that weekend was one of my favorites in the last couple months. I hung out with some of my best friends for most of the day, I saw The Incredibles (good movie), ate at Star Pizza and Amy's Ice Cream, and hung out at Sarah's drinking wine that night. That weekend definitely reminded me of some of my weaknesses. With that in mind, here is Glenn's Jen Drinking Scale:
If I have had:
0-2 drinks - I am attracted to Jennifer and enjoy her company, but realize that we shouldn't go down that road again.
3-5 drinks - I am attracted to Jennifer, enjoy her company,and realize that we shouldn't go down that road again, but I start to question the definition of "that road".
6-9 drinks - I am attracted to Jennifer, enjoy her company,and realize that we shouldn't go down that road again, but don't give a damn.
10-12 drinks - I am attracted to Jennifer and enjoy her company, but realize little more than my name and the fact that I am going to try to hook up with her.
More than 12 drinks - I follow her around like a slobbering puppy (really, really unattractive).
Fortunately for all involved parties, I was only in the 3-5 drink territory Homecoming Weekend. But I really need to work on that self-control .
