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nsw:
THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM AND THERE IS
NO USE FOR YOU
(The scene opens up at some sort of family picnic. In the background everyone can bee seen, divided into
two to compete in a friendly three-legged race. The race starts as the family members hop off
towards the finish line. The camera then pans to the right a bit and reveals Scott "The Boy" Hellings
in the foreground, sitting at the picnic table eating a watermelon. He pauses and looks
at the camera before speaking.)
HELLINGS-
"Ah yes, the three-legged race. It is a competition that requires two people to work as a cohesive unit
in order to attain victory. But if you can't work together, you'll both fall flat on your faces and
fail. This week at Overdrive I will be in a similar situation. I have been placed in a tag team match with
Kostoff against Karl Young and David Black. Now I haven't been in a tag team match in
years, but I have competed in my fair share throughout my career. And if there is one thing I know, it's that it won't matter
if I'm in a tag match or if I'm in a singles match, a battle royal, a triple threat...the point is I always come out on top.
Because as we all know, I am The Boy and that means I am The Best! So although I know very little about Kostoff, it won't make
a difference how good he is. Heck, I'm good enough for both of us! This won't be like a three-legged race at all because, believe me,
I can take out Young and Black all by myself. I was good at tag matches before so I know I'll be even better now. I'm like a fine wine, only
getting better with age. So I don't even care if Kostoff shows up. He could get held up in traffic for all I care, because David Black and Karl Young
are simply not in my league. And who knows? Maybe Kostoff and I will go on to become quite the memorable tandem."
(The Boy pauses and takes another bite out of his watermelon before continuing.)
HELLINGS-
"Maybe Kostoff and I will become a legendary team like Batman and Robin, The Dynamic Duo! We'll be so good as
a team that we will destroy any competition that gets in our way. Heck, maybe we'll go after DMG and grab those tag
titles of his. Oh and by the way, Derrick, you might have an easier time finding a partner if you weren't so...let's call it high-strung.
Seriously, you should really think about loosening up a bit. Switch to decaf man, really. Because even if Kostoff has 1/27 my talent level, we will
be unstoppable. I can tell you one thing, we won't end up like a Bonnie and Clyde. Two bank robbers who were highly successful, but were struck
down in their prime. That's not going to happen to Kostoff and myself because the only way I am going down, whether it be in a tag match or in my singles career defending my prestigious United States Title, is if
I DECIDE to lay down. And there is no danger of that. I would never do that to all my fans, all The Boy Scouts out there.
In fact, if anything, our partnership will be more like Simon and Garfunkel; as a duo we shall be successful, but one will be so clearly superior to the other that he is forced to go out on
his own, leaving his former partner in the dust. How many people still listen to Paul Simon albums? And how many people like Art Garfunkle's music? Exactly. The simple fact remains is that no matter
how good Kostoff is, I am the more successful of the two. Period. Not only am I wearing the gold, everyone knows that I am the Canadian-sorry-the North American Legend! I'm not saying Kostoff is a bad partner I'm just
saying he isn't as good as me. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!"
(The Boy takes one more bite of his watermelon and then throws it away.)
HELLINGS-
"But what about David Black and Karl Young? What kind of team will you two make, huh? Personally I think the two of you are going to be more like a
Martin and Lewis or Abbott and Costello sort of team. Because your performance at Overdrive will be so bad, it will be hilarious. It will be comical, albeit unintentionally so, but
amusing nonetheless. In fact, you might want to run towards your nearest phone right so the two of you can just call this one in. There's no point in trying!
Where will it get you? All it will do is embarrass and humiliate you on national television. Perhaps you enjoy being
subpar, but I am so accustomed to being the best at what I do, I could not handle it, knowing I was beaten so badly.
But if you insist on facing Kostoff and I, that's fine. It doesn't bother me at all because I'm used to shattering careers by now. It's what I do.
That's why I have the advantage here; I'm so good I don't need a partner. But you two are going to be forced to rely on each other for support.
And do you know if you can trust each other? Do you know that Karl will be there to watch your back David? Do you know if the two of you are on the same
page? Now, admittedly, I know next to nothing about you David Black. I assume if he were important enough for me to remember him
I would have beaten him already. Because as we all know I have beaten the best and I am here to best all the rest. And I know even less about Karl Young. But I do know that Karl is a rookie. This is his first match in
No Surrender Wrestling. Now Karl Young...wait. I just thought of something. Is it Karl with a 'K' and Young with a 'Y' or is it Carl with a 'C' and
Jung with a 'J?' It couldn't be Carl Jung, could it? I'm not set to wrestle the father of Analytical Psychology, am I?
That might prove to actually be a challenge, since he should be able to get into my head and anticipate my every move. I'd still beat him, but it might take
an extra minute longer than usual. Nah, it couldn't be Carl Jung because he would be too old."
(The Boy pauses and does some quick math in his head, using his fingers to help him count.)
HELLINGS-
"Yeah Carl Jung would be really old. Well then Karl with a 'K,' allow me to explain something to you that perhaps you were unaware of.
Your phonetic namesake was a huge contributor to the study of the human psyche. He was particularly
influential in dream analysis. We all have dreams, don't we Karl? What are you dreams? I'm guessing you are probably
dreaming of winning your first-ever match in NSW, aren't you? Well I'm sorry to break it to you, but that isn't going to happen.
You see, in case you haven't heard, my name is Scott Hellings. And I am a Dream Crusher. Thousands of others have faced off against me, hoping to
make a name for themselves and where did it get them? Look at the last guy I faced in NSW Karl, the guy isn't wrestling
anymore! I told all the fans I would end his career and I did just that. Are you scared yet? Are you beginning to rethink
this whole wrestling pursuit of yours? That's normal, it's healthy even. You're just going to have to learn that I am the top dog
around here. It might take some time, but you'll figure it out soon enough. And you should know that there is no coming to consciousness without pain. That's a quote from
Carl Jung. It's fitting, isn't it? The fact remains no matter how you spell it Karl with a 'K,' it will be a victory with a 'V' for myself and Kostoff. But I'll tell you what Karl, I'm feeling generous today. So if you and David Black somehow manage to beat Kostoff and I at Overdrive this weekend, I'll give
you a title shot. Karl Young versus Scott Hellings for the United States Title. Honest. Would I lie to you? Probably, but that's not the point.
You can hold me to it Karl because I am THAT confident that I will beat you. You are a nobody Karl and you always will be. And after this weekend your record will stand at 0-1.
(The Boy picks up a hamburger and takes a few bites out of it before continuing.)
HELLINGS-
"You have a lot to gain from this match Karl. Not only is it your first match in NSW, but you could get a title shot out of it too. That's a pretty good deal.
But me? What do I get? Nothing. This match is only delaying the inevitable-me winning the World Title. I should be in that World Title tournament, but instead I'm in a tag match against a rookie.
It's a disgrace. Not only am I not getting what I deserve, but it is insulting I have to fight a rookie on top of everything else! Imagine-me, against a rookie! And if I were you Karl I would be upset too. You have a huge mountain to climb on your very first night on the job. They might as well just introduce you as The Sacrificial Lamb because that is exactly what you are. You know something? Jason Collins was right; this place is being unfair. Erin Jacbos walks in here and gets whatever match he wants? Neil Climer is handed a title? Say what you will about me, but
at least I earned my title. The suits in the NSW offices are trying to treat everyone as equals when that is simply not the case. I'm not like all the other
(making quotation marks with his fingers) 'superstars' around here, I am the one and only UBERstar! Sure, they did the smart thing by giving me a US Title shot in
the main event of their first Overdrive, but they had to. I'm The Nielsen's Favourite Son and they knew they needed my star power to gather a fan base. But now? Now
they're running around just handing out titles. That's not right. The whole thing reeks of communism and I for one don't like it. The fact
remains that I should be given nothing but championship opportunities, but instead I'm faced with a nothing match against
nobodies for opponents. Heck, for all I know my tag team partner could be just as inadequate as they are! Mark my words, I will
prove to our inept General Manager that I deserve to be the number one guy around here. And it all starts this week at Overdrive."
(In the background, the family can be seen starting a tug of war contest. The Boy turns around and notices this, before looking back at the camera, grinning.)
HELLINGS-
"A tug of war contest is a great chance for people to work together. So are tag matches. But I don't like working with others because I don't care
to deal with my subordinates. And if there is one thing I have learned it is that no one deserves to be on my team. I just simply don't need any help. How can I prove that?
Because, not only do I have to plan for my tag match, I also carry the burden of being the United States Champion. As long as I am wearing this belt I am an ambassador for this company. It is a huge responsibility.
And not only that, but now I also have my invitational. Any superstar out of Mexico is allowed to walk into Overdrive and challenge me
for the right to be known as The North American Legend. It could happen at a moment's notice. And I'll pull double duty if I have to. Heck, I'll wrestle my Mexican counterpart right after I finish off my tag match. Does that sound like someone who thinks they need assistance? You know a workhorse like myself deserves to be treated better. I am committed to this company, even if this company
is committed to giving away titles to those who are so clearly unworthy of them. So no matter what kind of team Kostoff and I will make at Overdrive doesn't really matter, because no matter
what I am going to win. You can bet on it."
(The Boy continues to chew on his hamburger when a woman walks over to him)
WOMAN-
"Who the hell are you and why are you eating all of our food?"
HELLINGS-
"I'd love to answer that, I really would. But I have places to be, because I am the M.I.P!"
(The Boy gets up and walks away, leaving an empty picnic table for the woman who looks both confused and upset as the scene fades to black)
  
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