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nsw:
ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED
IN KINDERGARTEN
(The scene opens up inside an empty kindergarten classroom. The camera pans around the room and then pauses on Scott "The Boy" Hellings. He is wearing a black UBERstar shirt and a pair of jeans. He sits down on the corner of the teacher's desk and begins to speak.)
HELLINGS-
"There are some things in life you need a little help with. For instance, if you're going to be
doing some ladder work you should probably have someone on the ground, holding onto that ladder to
ensure that it won't move. If you're moving something heavy, like say a piano, well you should definitely
have at least one other person-if not several-to help you out. But wrestling? Maybe for some people like David Black, maybe he
needs a helping hand. I guess he can't do things on his own and there is no shame in that. But me? I don't need help. I don't need anyone.
A tag team partner only drags me down, holds me back. Because the fact remains that while I'm in that ring, I'm unstoppable. I'll go in there and beat anyone
that dares to step into the squared circle with me. After all, I am The Boy and that means I am The Best! But having a partner changes all that. What if Kostoff gets a blind tag?
What if he gets in the ring and screws everything up for me? It's not right! I don't lose! Losing is for those people who have not yet met our little friend Reality.
See all your life you are told
that you can accomplish anything you set out to do."
(The Boy picks up a copy of "The Little Engine That Could")
HELLINGS-
"In grade school you read about 'The Little Engine That Could'. That little engine, he succeeded because he believed in himself.
Well you know what else they tell you in grade school? They tell you that if you put a tooth under your pillow some creepy woman will sneak in at night and slip you some money. Trust me, if you wake up at night and find a strange woman
in your bedroom she ain't there for your teeth. I should know, just look at this perfect, chiseled physique. No, it's all a lovely little fantasy and I'm sure it's quite nice to look at life through those rose-coloured glasses. But when you finally come down, when you finally hit that wall
known as reality it can be quite a shock. Well when you step into the ring with me the first time it's like you getting your very first reality check. One minute you think you're the best in the business, but then before you know it
you're looking up at the lights, counting to three. That little engine succeeded because he didn't have an obstacle like me on the tracks. Karl Young is probably sitting at home right now thinking he will
have a highly successful debut match this week at Overdrive. But I've been trying to warn Karl the he has to realize that I am The Dream Crusher! When you face me, you don't walk away feeling better about yourself. No, there's no
sponsorship deals for those who are second-best at what they do and the only reason Mr. Young will be going to Disneyland after our match is so he get a job running Splash Mountain. Because once I'm done with you you're gonna need a new day job buddy.
At least...that's in normal situations."
(The Boy sits down at the desk and puts his feet up.)
HELLINGS-
"See the suits in NSW are having bit of a vision problem these days. All they can see is people like Neil Climer or Erin Jacobs and they think that is what a champion looks like.
But they forgot they have me, the United States Champion RIGHT HERE. But instead of letting me showcase my abilities, instead of giving me that spotlight I so rightly deserve...they shafted me and stuck me with a partner in a
meaningless tag team match. See normally David Black and Karl Young would not be a concern for me. I'd go out there and beat them. Why? Because I want to, because I CAN! But now I have to rely on some guy named Kostoff. I have no choice in the matter either.
I used to be standing on the tracks as the obstacle for that little engine, but now Mr. Kostoff has come by and switched the tracks on me. I've literally been railroaded here. And can I count on him? Do I know if he can put away David Black and Karl Young? The fact remains is that
there are lot of unanswered questions here. Well I don't care for uncertainty because I'm just not used to it. You see when I go out there it is a foregone conclusion that I will be walking out of there
as the winner. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!"
(As he says this The Boy points to the globe at the edge of the desk for emphasis, before continuing on with his rant.)
HELLINGS-
"And what is even more unsettling is that I am stuck between Kostoff and David Black, two men who have their own agendas. See Kostoff and Black will be facing each other
at Genocide. And last week David Black was a little annoyed because Kostoff decided to get in his face. Well you know what David Black? I'm tired of you. I don't care who you are, where
you come from, who your first trainer was, or why you and John Murphy are such good buddies. I don't care about your little neighbourhood bar, I don't care that you're upset with Kostoff, I don't
care about your match at Genocide, I don't care if you're on a boat, I don't care if you have a goat! You are not worth my time and I shouldn't be stuck in the middle of your little
squabble. Karl Young and I are like two kids standing around watching a fight on the playground, yelling, "fight, fight!" That's not right, I am a champion dammit! No, screw that. I'm not just a champion, I was the FIRST champion this company ever had! And I deserve to be treated so much better than this. I am the MIP-the MOST Important Person
around here I demand that I get treated like it! And what's worse than playing is babysitter is that they saddle me with a rookie too! A rookie! Haven't I proven to all of you that I
deserve something so much better than a freakin' rookie? Let me remind you all that I am the marquee player, the franchise saviour and the number one monkey maker! When the suits of NSW needed someone to be in the main event of their first show ever who got the call? Was it David Black? Jason Collins? I'll spoil it for you-his name was Scott Hellings! Now I'll overlook this unfortunate mistake, providing at Genocide I am given a match that someone of my caliber deserves. But if I deem my pay per view opponent unworthy? Then there will be problems. And as for this week, I just want to go on record as saying I do not appreciate this situation. And really, neither should my opponents. Allow me to demonstrate."
(The Boy walks over to the classroom aquarium).
HELLINGS-
"Our pathetic excuse for a General Manager has forced Karl Young into a rather unenviable position. Ignore Kostoff and Black for a moment-it should be easy enough-but Karl Young has to get into that ring with me. If he's lucky, IF he's lucky, David Black won't tag him in and he won't have to fight me. But it's pretty likely that Mr. Young has learned all about cooperation and the importance of sharing, so Karl will have to run into me at some point during the match. And I'm gonna take him out because that is just what I do. It's a fairly daunting, insurmountable task that has been placed before the youngster. He is just a rookie and he has to face off against me, the North American Legend! So what we have here is a case of sink or swim. So if the big guy upstairs is looking down and decides to smile upon Karl for reasons only God knows why, he will be able to make a name for himself by actually beating me. Now I don't know about you, but I highly doubt we're going to see divine intervention in such a worthless match so, as expected, Karl Young is going to lose."
(The Boy picks up a rock and drops it into the aquarium. Naturally, it sinks right to the bottom).
HELLINGS-
"You're going to sink Karl. Better call the Coast Guard ahead of time. You too will be just another nameless victim who faded into obscurity after he lost to The Boy. And this is the situation you have been placed in. It's unfair. Nope, it's not right. And what about David Black and Kostoff? These two obviously want a piece of each other, they obviously have issues that need to be sorted out as soon as possible. But instead? They're given a tag team match. What is that? It's a tease! But I suppose you can chalk it up to life being unfair. If it weren't then everyone would have the same skill level. But we all know that isn't true because I am the one and only UBERstar! So what can I do about it? Well I'll just go into Overdrive and I'll obliterate anyone who gets in my way. Kostoff? Kostoff better not let his little spat with David Black get in the way. Because if it does, if he lets his temper cloud his judgment and cost me the match, then I promise you that David Black will be the least of his problems. But all my fans, all The Boy Scouts out there need not worry; even if Kostoff gets carried away, I'm good enough for both of us to diffuse the situation. And victory, as always, will be mine. Oh, and as for Karl Young? Son I am going to teach (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'the ABCs of respect' because I am going to show you who the most dominant athelete in No Surrender Wrestling is. Do not get your hopes up because you'll only be disappointed. You may have been dealt a bad hand when they forced you to face me in your debut, but you were going to have to learn you were my subordinate eventually. I'm just saving you time. So you can say 'I think I can, I think I can' over and over all you want, but it won't make a difference. We all know the truth. We all know the pecking order around here and Karl you're the kid sitting alone in the corner and I'm the teacher's pet. You can't win and you won't win and that is how the story of that Little Engine should have ended."
(The Boy turns to leave, but stops just before the door and turns around to the camera one last time.)
HELLINGS-
"At Overdrive 1+1 might equal 2, but one team will clearly by superior to the other. Why? One team will have me and that alone should be enough to guarantee victory. But look at the bright side Karl: maybe I'll knock out one of your teeth and when you wake up you'll find a nice shiny new quarter to help you get back on your feet. See you boys at Overdrive."
(The Boy walks out of the classroom as the scene fades to black.)
  
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