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commentaries:
LAYAWAY PLAN
Hey everyone! What the hell is this? Why it's a brand spanking new commentary, courtesy of yours truly! It's been a while since I wrote a new one, but I thought I would try me hand at yet another. So...this was my first roleplay for No Surrender Wrestling, dating back to the summer of 2005. Of course, this is an introductory roleplay, so it will never be as good as your average stuff once you're established, but I think it did an effective job of establishing the character. Anyway, let's take a trip down memory lane.
(The scene opens up inside the NSW offices. The camera pans across the room to reveal
several NSW employees, looking offscreen at something they appear to
find bothersome. Some muttering and shuffling papers can be heard.
The camera continues to pan until it stops at NSW wrestler Scott "The Boy"
Hellings sitting at someone's desk. Hellings is wearing his custom, red
Canadian Legend hockey jersey and a pair of jeans and he is carrying a label maker. A security guard
approaches The Boy.)
GUARD-
"Excuse me. You wanna tell me what you're doing here sir?"
HELLINGS-
"Hey pal, I know I'm not from here but I swear I have a work visa okay?
I just don't have it on me right now because I wasn't expecting Rent-a-Cop of the Year to hassle me. But I do have one. Trust me, everything's in order.
Would I lie to you?"
So, already we've established I'm not American. Alright, let's see where we go from there. The rent-a-cop line is cheezy, but that's what most people I know refer to crappy mall or building security guards as. The sad thing is it's pretty much true that security guards usually have an inflated sense of purpose, don't they? I once had all sorts of problems with security guards at our local air show. I wasn't even by the planes or anything, I was just looking for a parking spot, yet they were convinced I was evil incarnate. Screw you security guards.
GUARD-
"No. I was referring to what are you doing in this office? What the hell are you doing with everyone's desks? We've received a lot of complaints."
HELLINGS-
"Complaints? Complaints? These people know nothing! If they knew who I was they woudln't be complaining at all, they would be bugging me
for my autograph. But apparently these people don't recognize true greatness, an icon, when one walks into the room."
The great thing about The Boy is that I like to act as though EVERYONE should know who he is, but yet no one ever does. Back in RWW, it was even a running gag that those people who did sort of recognize him mistook him for Stupac. It works great for the character to have that check and balance against The Boy's inflated ego, but it also allows me to make fun of many of my fellow efedders. As I noted in the Sycho Sid commentary, Sid's roleplays always involved random people recognizing him. I'm sorry, but I'm a huge wrestling fan and I can't even say I would recognize every single wrestler out there. The sad reality is that wrestling isn't THAT popular. I can honestly that my own mother, who is definitely well-aware of my wrestling obsession, wouldn't recognize The Rock if she saw him on the street. It's just not realistic, but yet so many people do it. At least it makes sense that The Boy assumes that everyone knows him. Anyway, that's my little rant.
GUARD-
"You are causing a disturbance. Now explain yourself."
HELLINGS-
"Look pal, I shouldn't have to explain myself to you or anyone. I am your superior-intellectually and physically! Especially physically! Look at me, look at this chiseled
physique of mine, huh? It's like I was chiseled out of stone by a god or something!"
(The Boy pauses and looks over at an attractive, young female employee.)
HELLINGS-
"But I bet you already noticed that, didn't you? I've been watching you, you've been undressing me with your eyes ever since
I got here."
I've never understood that whole "undressing someone with their eyes" thing. Honestly, I have no idea what that is supposed to look like. And it's not even a case of no one ever giving me that look, it's just that I can honestly say I don't think I've ever seen anyone look at another person quite like that. The whole phrase is stupid to me.
WOMAN-
"Actually I was wondering what you were doing at my desk."
(The Boy pauses and picks up a picture frame on the desk and looks at it for a moment)
HELLINGS-
"This is your desk? So this is your boyfriend huh? Well take it from me, you can do better.
Allow me to introduce myself-I'm better."
I LOVE that line! I'm not sure if that's a line I came up with, or if I subconsciously stole from someone else without realizing it, but it's awesome. Regardless, that's a great pickup line.
WOMAN-
"You wish!"
HELLINGS-
"No darling, YOU wish! You can't do better than me! It's like I always say-I am The Boy and that
means I am The Best!"
WOMAN-
"I would prefer to be with a real man thanks."
HELLINGS-
"Hey! They may call me The Boy, but there is no doubt that I am The Man!"
That's some solid back-and-forth dialogue there. Honestly though, you can totally feel the sexual tension (no pun intended) mounting, right?
(The Boy and the woman begin to argue, until the security guard intervenes)
GUARD-
"Hey you two! Could we get a move on here?"
WOMAN-
"Just get that creep out of my desk!"
GUARD-
"Leave the ladie's desk alone sir."
HELLINGS-
"I'm not done yet. You see I just signed a contract with No Surrender Wrestling. The bigwigs
couldn't resist signing me, they threw all sorts of money at me. And it's easy to see why. Aside from
my raw sexual energy, my natural, unsurpased talent, I also have quite a following. All my fans, all
The Boy Scouts out there, they are always frothing at the mouth for some more of me. So it has become an exact science like the
theory of relativity or the laws of thermodynamics, you put The Boy on a show and the Nielsen ratings go through the roof! The Nielsens love me! I'm their favourite son! So it's only natural
an upstart new promotion would want me on their roster! But while that may be good news for NSW, it's bad news for my competition around the locker room. You see, I'm not like any other so-called (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'superstars' out there. Oh no, I am The Canadian Legend and, more importantly, I am the one and only UBERstar!
So it's really only a matter of time before I steamroll my way through the locker room and ascend to my rightful place atop the food chain."
Hey, look at that! We got to the point of this roleplay! That was fairly quick, or at least it is by my old standards anyway. This is, I believe, the first use of The Nielsen's Favourite Son. I LOVE that nickname! I came up with it at a time when I wasn't even efedding actually and I was just dying to use it. It just works so well for the character.
GUARD-
"So what are you doing here?"
HELLINGS-
"See once I arrive on the scene, I dominate. I dominate to the point where I practically own the damn company and every single person working for it! So I'm here with this lable maker,
putting my name on each and every item in this office, to save me some time later on. Think of it as putting the office on layaway. Because, face it, it's only a matter of time before I run the freakin' show around here! I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!"
Yes, it's a cheezy idea for a roleplay, but it serves its purpose really.
GUARD-
"You think you can just beat anyone who gets in your way? You don't even know how tough the competition will be yet."
HELLINGS-
"It doesn't matter. You know who I am? I'm The Boy. I'm the marquee player, the franchise saviour and the number one money maker! If I say I'm coming in here and I'm taking over, I'm going to dominate NSW then it's a given. You know why?"
GUARD-
"I really don't think I care."
HELLINGS-
"I take over because I want to, because I CAN!"
Holy catchphrases Batman. As you will no doubt notice by going through the NSW stuff, I use A LOT of nicknames and catchphrases in my material. Even a bit more than I currently do. The reasoning I think is because I hadn't been in a fed for a while and I had had so many great ideas comes to me during my hiatus that I was so excited to do as much as I could as fast as I could. It kinda hampered the NSW stuff in a way though, but I couldn't resist. I at least like the fact that The Boy's character is very, very marketable, which was one of my initial goals when I started doing this. I figured that if you're marketable you'll be somewhat successful and I feel that is true. Think of many t-shirts The Boy could have these days. It's almost mind-boggling. But that's why I do it and why I love it so much.
GUARD-
"Okay, it's time you left."
HELLINGS-
"You can kick me out if you want, but once I have all the power, all the stroke around here, I'll think back to this moment
and I'll make damn sure you get what's coming to you. You don't throw me out, I leave when I want to. I think I deserve some respect."
GUARD-
"Why? You haven't done anything yet."
Again, another little jab at my fellow efedders. Basically, I hate people who come in and act like they are the greatest champion ever and that they're so much better than everyone else. The Boy does that, but it's a character thing, it's not about some hotshot hitting the boards and whining and begging for a title shot on Day One. And, as you can see here, I always keep The Boy grounded, by having someone (if not The Boy himself) point out the truth. There is always, no matter if The Boy is alone or not, a sense of two competing voices in my roleplays. In this case, the secondary voice is played by the guard and the woman, who keep The Boy grounded and point out the obvious truth: that he hasn't done anything yet. I've always been good at seeing the opposite side of an argument and that helps me anticipate what my opponents might say.
HELLINGS-
"It's a foregone conclusion anyway. Have you seen the competition that's been signed on so far? Bill Dynamite? Do you think for one second that I am afraid of
a guy with a name like Dynamite? You so know that cannot be his actual birth name. It's ridiculous. Someone should really look into that sometime. The man's obviously a fraud, he's hiding something. Me? I hide nothing. I come out and say what I mean. But in this case, actions speak louder than words, so..."
I don't know why, but I loved picking on Bill Dynamite. Eventually, me and Conner became friends, but before that the name Bill Dynamite just stuck in my head as someone I needed to insult, much the same way that Stupac did initially. That whole "can't be his birth name" thing is a line I use a lot in life. I just to like to insult people for giving themselves ridiculously stupid names (i.e. Snoop Dogg).
(The Boy takes his labelmaker and puts a label that says, "Property of The Boy" on the desk.)
GUARD-
"Don't do that again or I will be forced to hurt you. Besides, I highly doubt it's his real name, it's just a stage name of sorts. I guess maybe he likes to call himself that because he can be explosive."
HELLINGS-
"Yeah well so can diarrhea, but do you really think that's championship material?"
I don't usually like to resort to bathroom humour, but it worked I guess.
GUARD-
"You really do believe you are the best, don't you?"
That seems like a dumb question.
HELLINGS-
"Well I'd hardly go around labelling things if I didn't, now would I? Point is, it doesn't matter if your name is Dave Smith, Bill Dynamite or Dwayne Carlton, the fact is that none of those guys have 1/27 my ability, my charisma, my looks or my fame and fortune."
For some reason I love the notion of my great "ability, charisma, looks, fame and fortune." I've kinda used a similar line before, but I really think it's effective.
GUARD-
"You ain't got nothing yet."
HELLINGS-
"A slight technicality. But don't for one second think that you can second-guess my ability. I'll be the first to admit I talk a great game, but believe me I can back it up. Heck, I should come with a freakin' money back guarantee I'm so good and so dependable. So consider this a warning to you or anyone else in NSW-don't overlook The Boy or it will be the first, and last, mistake you ever make."
I really should set up some sort of money back guarantee on The Boy Scouts section of the site, in honour of that line.
GUARD-
"Yeah well I don't want to hear anymore. You're gonna have to leave."
HELLINGS-
"A bit touchy, aren't we? Switch to decaf. You're just jealous of me. I can't say I blame you-if I were you, I'd want to be me too!"
GUARD-
"Yeah whatever, take it outside and let these people get back to work."
(The Boy stands up and glares at the guard for a moment. He then turns to the woman from before. He smiles and then takes a "Property of The Boy" label and places it on her chest. She looks horrified and smacks him hard across the face before running off. The Boy keeps on smiling as he turns to the guard and shrugs his shoulders.)
I wish I could get away with something like that in real life.
HELLINGS-
"What can I say? The devil made me do it...although I woulda done it anyway."
That was supposed to be an attempt at making a new catchphrase, but I decided that I was already on catchphrase overkill. Plus, it was harder to set up for some reason. It was just basically meant to be a way for me to justify the use of the devil in my images, which I only do because of my name being HELLings. I even thought of doing some sort of gimmick where The Boy had the devil tattooed on his shoulder and "took advice" from it the way that cartoons always have people talking to their angel on one shoulder and their devil on the other. Ah well, this was good enough for now.
GUARD-
"Get the hell out of here before I call the cops!"
HELLINGS-
"Yeah sure thing, I gotta go work out so I'll be used to the extra weight around my waist once I win all the gold around here."
What would that be, like reference #3,247 to having to get used to me having gold around my waist? Pretty close anyway. Still, I love it.
(The Boy walks off, sticking a few more of his labels to various items in the office, before the scene finally fades to black.)
And there you have it. I like that one, I really do. In terms of introductory roleplays, it's not the best, but they are never that good anyway. This predates the creation of the Single Camera Monologue style, so that is why the guard was there. The Boy is always at his best when playing off someone else, but I think the new style is a lot of fun too. Oh well, I've talked about that enough as is on this site. Anyway, this was a fun roleplay which set the tone for my tenure in NSW, which in and of itself was a blast. Too bad it had to end so soon. Anyway, until next time...
  
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