nsw: DAVID LEE, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Here we go with another amazing commentary. It seems like only yesterday I was writing this one up. This is, personally speaking, one of my favourites, especially from the NSW era. This is just after the creation of the Red and White Ribbon Campaign. This is sort of a wacky roleplay, but that's what I think makes it great. Anyway, the whole point is that I am so convinced that The Boy is going to end David Lee's career by beating him so badly that he will disappear and his career will end. Of course, it ended up being true. I remember spending far too much time on that title too, as I kept misspelling "ye." For some reason I thought it should be spelled "yee," but that just didn't seem right. Don't worry kids, I did go to school as an English major. Honest. Anyway, enough jibba jabba, let's rock.

(The scene opens inside a funeral parlor. A closed casket is sitting off to the right-hand side of the screen. At the front stands a pulpit. Some somber organ music can be heard playing softly in the background. Suddenly, Scott "The Boy" Hellings, wearing a black suit, enters the shot. His trademark red and white ribbon, part of his campaign to help those cope with suffering a loss against himself, is prominently displayed on his lapel. There are several people seen in the foreground, all wearing black. The Boy feigns genuine sadness and emotion, before taking a deep breath and beginning to speak...)

HELLINGS-
"Oh it's just not fair! Why couldn't it have been me? Why Lord, why? Well...actually I know why. You can't get rid of me, I'm the Nielsen's favourite son! And besides, if I was gone, who would be left for No Surrender Wrestling's fans, not to mention all of my fans, all of The Boy Scouts out there! These people need me as a role model because they need SOMEONE to show them what a champion looks like. And now it's all but a foregone conclusion that I will be the United States Champion after Overdrive. But still, during this time of immense joy, there must also be sadness. We must remember the forgotten, or at least the soon-to-be-forgotten. We must remember the man known as David Lee.

Sure, I know he's not actually dead, but soon enough his career sure will be. It will crash and burn, it will cease to exist and that is what we are here to remember. And while I am aware that Overdrive has not actually taken place, let's face facts - I am the odds-on favourite to win at Overdrive. And I just simply won't have time to do this sort of thing after I win, since EVERYONE will want a piece of the new United States Champ. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! So let us precede with the service then, so that the mourning for the fallen Lee can be truly begin."

Of course, it was much easier to talk a big game when David Lee wasn't roleplaying against me. Now side from the obvious recurring theme of The Boy celebrating a win before the match takes place, there is another bit in the first paragraph that has also been used over and over: the idea that after I become champion The Boy will be in high demand. I still use that gimmick and I love it, even if it isn't really realistic. I mean, come on, how many people are honestly that excited about a random wrestler winning a title? Still, it works for the character and that's all that's important.

(The Boy looks over to the casket and then appears to actually tear up, until it's revealed that he's actually got something in his eye.)

HELLINGS-
"Damn eyelash! Oh well, (The Boy looks down to the eyelash on his finger) I suppose I'd should make a wish!"

I have no idea where that eyelash-wish thing came from, but it seems stupid to me.

(The Boy blows away the eyelash and then looks back over to the casket)

HELLINGS-
"Looks like it already came true!"

That seems so horrible, yet it makes me laugh.

(The Boy laughs for a bit, as everyone in the room looks horrified. He acts serious again as he continues.)

I just sat here wondering where The Boy got these people to show up for this service. Do they actually know David Lee? And why are they so upset? They know he isn't really dead, right? In fact, his career isn't even dead yet, so why get all upset? Ah well, it adds to the effect.

HELLINGS-
"Gee, tough room. Who died? Moving on then. Lee was...not a smart man. If he was, he would have made the smart choice and walked away from our match at Overdrive. What was he thinking? I told him I was the one and only UBERstar, that I was the marquee player, the franchise saviour and the number one money maker, but he didn't care! He was too headstrong, too determined to face me. He actually, for some reason, believed he could beat me! And that blind optimism, while horribly wrong, is at least a somewhat endearing character flaw.

I love that line about his optimism being a character flaw. It reminds me of Hamlet, who is a tragically flawed character. True story: I once wrote an entire essay on tragic character flaws without really having a grasp as to what it was I was trying to talk about and walked away with an "A." Go me. Anyway, it's a good line. I just like the idea that David Lee is, in theory, an okay guy, but his one major downfall is that he can't resists competing in matches he knows he can't win. It's so...The Boy.

But it wasn't just me. No, no, no, no. That's the whole point I was trying to make. It would be bad enough, just facing me in the squared circle. But he also had to consider the fact that we were scheduled to compete in an extremely dangerous match, the ladder match!

He failed to anticipate the potential impact a match of that magnitude could have on his career. I mean, at best, if he just mistakenly walked underneath the ladder, why that would least give him a string of bad luck. But now? Now bad luck cannot harm him, because he, or at least his career, is dead.

I think that would be a great gimmick—that someone thinks they're jinxed because they accidentally walked under the ladder during a ladder match. Had David Lee stuck around, it could have been a great gimmick for him. Oh well.

You know, some people go on and become famous for losing to me, since there is no shame losing to me because I am The Boy and that does mean I am The Best. Others? Well they are less fortunate and get beaten so badly that they just fade into obscurity. Now I tried to help Lee, to prepare him for such an eventuality. So help me I really did try. I even got him a doctor's note so that he could be excused from the match, but did that work? No! I even paid, out of my own deep, deep pockets, for special programming. Programming designed to help educate him on what it might mean to face off against me. My words fell on deaf ears though. Oh, why did this have to happen? If only I had done more! Maybe he'd still be around for me to beat again and again and again and again! And several times more after that."

The Boy is upset David Lee will go away because he doesn't want to miss out on the opportunity to beat him over and over. Great stuff. That "if only I had done more" line is ripped out of "Schindler's List," which seems a tad bit out of context here, huh?

(The Boy pauses and stares off into the distance, longingly)

HELLINGS-
"Sorry, I was just imagining what win #3247 over David Lee might have looked like. But friends, we cannot dwell on what might have been. Instead we must remember that some people are just, well, stupid. And some people don't have what it takes to make it in this industry. And who knows? Maybe Lee could have gone on to become something, but I beat him so badly that his career never had a chance to rebound. I mean, even though it was me, a superior being that he faced, it was still a pretty embarrassing loss. And the destruction! No one can expect to take that much of a beating and still have any sort of career in the ring after that. But have no fear folks, David Lee's loss truly is your gain. You see, Lee vanishing from television just means that The Boy can have even more TV time, since there's one less monkey to try and take attention off of me, where it so rightfully belongs. I mean, look at me! Never mind my obvious, overwhelming talent, but just look at this chiseled physique!"

Only The Boy could move from mourning someone to turning it into a chance to talk himself up. I wish I could actually get away with that sort of thing in real life. You know I'm actually quite shocked at how good this roleplay is, considering this was the fourth and final roleplay I wrote for this one match. That is still a record for the most roleplays I've ever done for one match. If I'm not mistaken, I'm the only person in NSW to ever hit that particular limit too (I believe shortly hereafter it was shortened to three, which more people were able to hit). It definitely seems like overkill considering the fact that David Lee still had yet to roleplay. I think in this one though it was just a matter of having some creative ideas and wanting to use them. Again, I hadn't been in a fed in a while and I had developed so many great ideas during my hiatus and I was just so anxious to get them out there. Besides, as I've noted before, I really wanted to prove that I was capable of winning a title again. It had been several years since my last title run in RWW and that was the only fed I had ever won a belt in, despite having some title shots elsewhere. Normally, I don't care about titles, but I wanted to prove to myself that I still had it.

(The Boy steps away from the pulpit and turns around, takes off his suit jacket and flexes and poses a bit, before stepping back behind the pulpit and continuing.)

HELLINGS-
"You can't take the spotlight away from that! And you know what? I've got even more good news! Although we must remember that although we are here today because of a tragedy, this unfortunate incident has also given us something new, something more glorious than we could have ever imagined in our wildest dreams. That's right, out of the ashes has risen something so glorious, we'll all soon forget all about...uh, what's his name there. That's right, now that I have become the United States Champion I am no longer just The Canadian Legend. I am now officially The North American Legend! Now all the great Americans out there can call me their own, can feel proud to know that I am representing them with the class and dignity they all seem to lack. Why not? Americans need role models too, especially with all the juiced-up freaks littering their so-called national pastime. Yes, America needs a hero and his name starts with a Scott and ends with a Hellings! I can be the champion you, and indeed all of No Surrender Wrestling, so desperately needs. Perhaps that was part of (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'the greater plan' of having Lee face off against me at Overdrive. Perhaps the suits in the NSW offices knew what they were doing after all.

My days in NSW, which, as you can see, is where I started referring to "The Suits" of a particular federation. I don't know why, but I just love that term. It also works great because it could mean anyone in power and control in a fed, which in some cases could mean several people. Also, I'd rather have The Boy not refer to them by name, as it is so appropriate for teh character to not even think they are important enough for him to remember. I've also done the whole "best buddies with the owner" with Rob in RWW to death, so it's nice to take a different direction. I've often wanted to call The Boy "The Lone Wolf," because he's on his own and doesn't care about anyone, but that was taken away from me in EWA when Freehorn started calling himself The Wolf. That was actually also originally meant to be a nickname for Matt Bolt, but that never got off the ground so it doesn't matter now, does it? Looking back on it, I'm glad I never got to use it because I've actually seen a few people in efedding do something very similar and I always want to keep some level of originality in the character and everything I do.

It was a suicide mission for David Lee, that's for sure, but it had a higher purpose in mind. In fact, it was so appropriate that our match be made a ladder match. It is such a brilliant metaphor to see me climbing the ladder to success, as I will no doubt be doing oh so very soon here in NSW. And there's Lee, looking up from the canvas, left behind once again. It is only a matter of time before I am at the top of the ladder not only at Overdrive, but in all of No Surrender Wrestling. I will be at the top of the food chain, I will be unstoppable. David Lee getting placed in my way was an unfortunate, but unavoidable problem. But I suppose that every cloud truly does have a silver lining in there somewhere. Now that David Lee doesn't have to worry about all of his wrestling obligations, I suppose he can do other things with his time. He could read, say, read a book...for once. Or perhaps do volunteer work that hasn't been enforced by a court of law. Yes, now David Lee will have more time to sit back and smell the roses, or perhaps watch those clouds and all of their pretty little silver linings float on by. (In a bad impression of David Lee) Oh look, (pointing off to the distance, as if pointing towards a cloud) that cloud over there looks like a superior wrestler. If I'm not mistaken, that's The Boy! And over there? (The Boy points in the other direction). That cloud looks like the United States Title! Or at least I think it does. Too bad I'll never actually get to see what it looks like because my name is David Lee and that means I am the WORST!"

That little bit about looking at the clouds and the bastardization of my own catchphrase makes me laugh. It really does. It reminds me of Charlie Brown and the Peanuts Gang looking at clouds, only with a nice twisted, Boy take on it. It seems fairly similar to that bit I did about the RWW Retirement Home and I remember keeping that in mind when I wrote it. So I guess now I'm ripping off myself. Hey, at least I only rip off the best, right?

(The Boy laughs to himself, before continuing on, deadly serious.)

HELLINGS-
"David Lee, the self-proclaimed Ghetto Saviour. Well you know what Lee? Go back to the ghetto or whoever will actually take a loser like you, because we don't want you here, cluttering up NSW. At Overdrive, I will prove that you are so out of your league that it will make David vs. Goliath look like a fair fight! The clock is ticking until the celebrations can begin and I can officially take my rightful place as the United States Champion. There's not much time left Lee, so if you are beginning to rethink your battleplan, now is the time to act. You could still walk away and we won't think any less of you. I still have that note (The Boy motions to his breast pocket) if you want it, but you gotta speak up soon.

Cause if not? Then this funeral I'm holding for your pathetic excuse for a career will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know you had dreams of becoming a household name in the wrestling industry, of really making it big. Well I'm sorry to tell you, in case you haven't figured it out by now, I am Scott Hellings and I am The Dream Crusher!

That's a great nickname, but I've sort of dropped it since this run because I just had too many nicknames and catchphrases to use. That one is very near and dear to my heart though because my friends actually tell me I'm a dream crusher. I can't help it - I'm a pessimist.

It's hard to be so damn good, but someone has to do it! You will not beat me, you cannot beat me and there is no way that you will ever be United States Champion as long as I have anything to say about it! Quit while you still can, or regret it for the rest of your sad, miserable life! Now if you'll excuse me, I have places to be because I'm a champion dammit! When you're as good as me, everyone treats you like a VIP. And you? You'll only ever be just David Lee, so deal with that!"

I remember working on that VIP line for far, far too long. I wanted to come up with some sort of other catchphrase (not that I needed it), but it just wasn't coming to me or working out. Still, I managed to make it rhyme, so that counts for something, right?

(The Boy stares intently at the camera for a moment, before taking off his ribbon and placing it on the casket. The camera zooms in on the ribbon, before fading to black.)

Well that's it for this one. This is a pretty good roleplay, and I would actually say it's one of my best. David Lee was such a great opponent for me and yet I never read one of his roleplays. Strange set of circumstances. I think one thing I like about this roleplay is that The Boy starts off more light-hearted and even a bit goofy, before becoming more and more serious. There is also some great lines here. Who would have ever thought funerals could be a source of great inspiration? Anyway, thanks for reading.

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