Why Badgers Are The Way Forward
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| Planet Gazzypops! - Why Badgers Are The Way Forward |
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| My God, we're on the third page already. You really must like badgers. Which is good, because their influence controls the rotation of the Earth, the movement of the tides, and the fate of ramblers lost in the woods late at night. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Let's get all transcendental now. Badgers are gods (should this have a capital 'g'?). If you don't believe me - or scoff at the notion - just look below right to see a genuine photo of a mass gathering of badger worshippers. Most of these people are lower class, poor people who don't have anything better to do with their insignificant lives, but even so it would be easy to define the value of badgers as religious idols even in this secular day and age. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| But if badgers are our gods, why do they live such inauspicious lives in woodland holes, I hear you ask (at least I think that's what you said). The answer is simple: they are adventurers who enjoy the mossy musk of the woodland in their nostrils when they emerge from their purpose-built badger tents of a morning. The way they construct these tents is ingenius too, stretching a dyed stoat over a bloody great hole until a resilient canvas is created. They are then utterly protected from the elements. | |
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| A famous story (among badgers) emerges from this canvas creation. Apparently, at the beginning of time, God asked the badger for one wish as the leader of all animals. The badger replied "giveth to me tentage for I needeth protection from the elementh" (he had a lisp). It's not a funny story, or one that goes anywhere, but it's true as far as we can tell. Still, the badger-God relationship is well-founded through the Force. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Yes, when George Lucas started on the script for Star Wars, his focus was the superhuman powers of the badger population; the controlling of an energy that surrounds us and binds us together. By mastering this Force, badgers could fight weasals and other woodland vermin with cudgels and guns, also demonstrated in the otherwise fanciful Kenneth Grahame novel, Wind in the Willows. Sadly, Grahame undersold his description of badger power by cutting the lightsabre battle on the banks of the Thames near Abingdon from his final draft. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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