Why Badgers Are The Way Forward
Here's why.
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| Planet Gazzypops! - Why Badgers Are The Way Forward |
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| Many times have I been asked my position on the importance of badgers and it is only now - after many years of research and experimentaion - that I feel I can share my thoughts with you. Now I don't want to minimalize the need for other wild animals (and please, God, no more letters from the Muntjacs Have Feelings Too League) but I can categorically state on record that, were it not for badgers, the very fabric of space and time would unravel into a sort of mess. Here's why. |
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| When Archimedes yelled "Eureka!" way back in Ancient Greece or wherever it was, he is credited with discovering water displacement. However, closer analysis of what he said reveals that his was not the discovery.... "Eureka" is a complicated word when translated into modern English; it can mean one thing to one person, and another thing to another. For me, "Eureka" clearly translates as "Fucking hell, a badger's just dropped into my bath... but, wait! The water level's risen! I've fluked a fantastic scientific discovery, if only I knew what it was." After the badger had explained it to him (for the badger had deliberately fallen into the bath in a successful attempt to demonstrate displacement to Archimedes whilst the so-called scientist fiddled with the soap), he was beaten with a broom and chased into the historical wilderness leaving the cheating cunt Archimedes to take all the credit. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Only many years later, on the discovery of one of his scrolls in a field in Sicily (half buried in moss at the foot of a sexual incline), could this story be verified and told. Indeed, rumour has it that archaelogists themselves were alerted to the whereabouts of the scroll by a badger, who had phoned the Archimedes Institue of Water Displacement with an anonymous tip-off. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Even now the authenticity of the scroll is questioned by dusty academics disconnected from the real world. Fortunately, Planet Gazzypops! can now exclusively reveal the scroll in full (see right). This truly historical document finally lays to rest the myth that Archimedes developed his theory of water displacement without the help of a badger. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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