 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Planet Gazzypops! - Why Badgers Are The Way Forward |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| On this, the second page of our great badger voyage, you will learn of the different types of badger before being shown how their varied character traits bind our civilization together. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
To the left is a badger. Now this is no ordinary badger: this is what badgeologists call an "Alfa Badger". He is fast, hot-blooded, great with the ladies, but has a tendency to break down. This particular one had been caught emerging from a badger orgy (badgeorgy) in which he had fertilized numerous lady badgers with his superior woodland sperm. At this point, he was visibly tired and actually started hurling obscenitites at our cameraman until Keith, the lighting engineer, shot him with an air rifle. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| At the opposite end of the spectrum to the Alfa Badger is the Gay Badger (see picture below right). This strain of the species was the first homosexual animal anywhere in the world (as noted by Herodotus in his Terpsichore Badgereus in which he details the gay life of dancing badgers at the time of the Ionians). It is rumoured that early homosexual men learned crude bumming techniques from watching Gay Badgers rutting. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Of course, not all badgers are Alfa or Gay. Some just pass their time playing sports. In fact, badgers were the first animal anywhere in the world to develop the concept of competition. Now I'm not a competitive soul in any way, ask anyone who knows me (there aren't many), but I can relate to this great legacy that badgers have legacified on us. After all, where would Michael Jordan be without badgers (below left)? Probably stealing car stereos in Detroit. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| But badgers aren't just ball-game experts : they are also automotive genii. Indeed, James Joyce celebrates the Badger Racing Motors (BRM) in his seminal short story work, Dubliners (see below). Undeniably, badgers blazed many a sporting trail. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| After The Race - James Joyce "The cars came scudding in towards Dublin, running evenly like pellets in the groove of the Naas Road.... Now and again the clumps of people raised a cheer of the gratefully oppressed. Their sympathy, however, was for the black and white cars - the cars of their friends, the badgers...." |
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||