Scroll of Amusement
There we go. ::I brush my hands off and return my sword to its hooks on the wall over a window:: Those monstrosities can be quite polite after you threaten to cut their glowing red eyes out. That one seemed to have mistaken me for someone else... pity, I guess with all that redness they can't see very well.
What is this, you say? This is the page where the best answers from the Bored Ones Quiz go. Don't worry if you see questions you didn't get to answer, that means I retired them because I wasn't getting enough answers I liked. Unlike the stupid tests one takes in school, the best answer is by no means always correct, because things that are incorrect are often far more amusing. This is the point of the scroll. I intend to use it as a weapon against some of my more crazed opponents in fights, with the intention of making them die laughing... or at least laugh until they're out of breath so I can get something more explosive to use against them. If you haven't taken the test, be creative, and you might contribute to my power as well! Believe me, it's a good thing, because when I take over the world, anyone who has helped me do it will be very happy. Oh yes, and sorry I haven't updated this in ages, I've been busy and such.
Is there any advantage a cubical planet has over a round one?
"Yes. If a cubical planet falls out of orbit it'll land on the bottom, squishing only 1/6 of the evenly distributed (we're assuming) population, while if a sphereical planet falls out of orbit, it'll hit bottom and roll, squishing everyone." - Erin, Queen of Marshmallows
"If it ever crashes into a larger planet (unlikely but possible) you'll get a really funky crater." - Celeste
"You can paint dots on it and play craps." - mep
"Well, considering the nature of gravity to be spherical, I hypothosise that one could find a way to jump off the edge of 2 sides and fly across one of the faces. But of course if one were to miscalculate their jump they might hit the atmosphere or the ground and consequently be vaporized or jelloized." - Greg (or at least, we think that's his name...)
"You always know which hemisphere you're on..." - Sue L.S. Walker
"We can paint the countries different colors and make a big Rubiks cube" - Cito Nanchereze (and many other people have said this too... he was just first)
"We can push the unwanted off the edge." - Glakrien
"It's easier to mount a rocket onto the side, so as to maneuver it across the galaxy" - Grand Imperial Overlord, Koligon the Conqueror (must remember to mention this to my future military leader)
"8 places to skewer people on" - Trivian, Keevian, Melthalos, Trevel, Aladras and many others
"Maps; the damn Mercator Projection won't make Greenland look as big as Africa" - Marcus Wicksegerne
"Doesn't bounce" - Jenn
"All the dust would settle in the corners intead of my house." - Stacia
"Tidal waves are less dangerous." - Lord Cecil
"Corners- to drive math teachers and students insane, or just plainly the fact that it's much easier to calculate the volume of a cube than a spere." - Rosemarie.
Who is the universe's most braindead villan?
"Is that assuming that Tinky-Winky the Teletubby has a brain?" - Celeste
"Oh, Horseteeth of course!" - Elora (Horseteeth is an ex-boyfriend of mine)
"Petey the Kindly Space Viking... What? Never heard of him? See the question..." - Greg
"Sebulba" - Xander (I am not writing what he put in the name thingie because it is long)(and as much as I like Sebulba, this is a point...)
"The "I'm sorry madam I called the wrong number" guy (only Runie knows what I'm talking about)" - Josephene
"Me...although I'm more of a braindead villian in training..." - Sue L.S. Walker
"Tuxedo mask (out of Sailor Moon) He doesn't even know who he is and his best defense is poking people in the eye with a walking stick." - Fat Kat
"That guy Inspector Gadget fights, The Claw." - Cito Nanchereze
"Zorak - because he is the arch enemy of Spaceghost, yet he works with him on his talkshow!" - Angela
"That penguin dude from Batman" - Laura
"The Sun" - Steve (YES! This I agree with)
"The guy that takes your money in toll booths" - jackie
"Goofy" - Jess
"After Helmut Kohl, it would be Hanson" - Marcus Wicksegerne
"My ex, Ross" - Hairy (I don't have room for a lot of exes, but a few are ok)
"Darth Maul" - No Name (true, true)
"My boss." - Sarah 2
"Bill Clinton" - Stacia (also true)
"George Bush" - Lord Cecil (and to think I nearly voted for him! environment basher. GRRRRRRR! at least Clinton was just a jerk.)
"Any wrestler in the rubbish my brother watches." - Rosemarie.
"Barney" - Starseeker (I've been waiting for that!)
What fate should Hanson be condemned to?
"Exiled to Siberia, along with Brittney Spears." - Erin, Queen of Marshmallows
"Listening to their own music and gargling broken glass for eternity." - Celeste
"Tarred and feathered." - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables
"They should be killed, resurected, and then killed another way...millions of times." - the Lizard King
"The fate I know they will live out, to burn out as child stars and grow up to be pathetic junkies that have a medical condition that forces them to listen to Vanilla Ice 24 hours a day." - Greg
"Locked in a tiny box, then compressed, then throw into the sea and burried in the sand where noone could hear them (all this in a far distant planet that is)" Xander
"Making them listen to their own songs while being slowly digested for a thousand years by the Sarlac." - Josphene
"Forced to watch teletubbies for the rest of their natural life...and perhaps even longer..." - Sue L.S. Walker
"Sentenced to death by leathel injection of Crisco" - Skills McGee
"Purification by fire" - Grand Imperial Overlord, Koligon the Conqueror (much as I'd hate to insult the fire by giving it such fuel as that)
"Live celebrity death match against the Spice Girls" - Glakrien
"Gum in their hair" - Sarah
"Pull off their skin with tweezers and pour bleach all over thier skinless bodies" - Hairy
"Locked in a room with the Olsen twins" - Jenn
"They should get stuck in their bubble gum forever!" - Sarah 3
"Shot and hung by guitar strings." - Taco Bell Dog
"They should get there voice box ripped out and burned in front of them just before they dye by profusely bleeding from the neck and getting burnt at the stake." - Matthew
"Death in bitch-slap battle with Ricky Martin" - Lord Cecil
"Roasted slowly over a hot fire than cut into trillions of little pieces then sown back together in the wrong order." - Rosemarie. (ouch)
"watching all of Barney's videos" - Starseeker
What would you do if a Gungan (the kind of creature Jar Jar from "The Phantom Menace" is) grabbed onto you while you were running in front of a large moving vehicle?
"Peel it off, plaster it to the grille of said vehicle, and run like hell back to Theed..." - Celeste (I'm always pleased to find another Star Warrior)
"I would fall. Then after regaining my breath, belt out the chourus to "Roxanne" - Greg
"Throw a scone at it." - Xander
"Kiss him passionatly!" - Keri Randall
"Stop running and lie under the center of the vehicle so I didn't get smooshed but that ugly thing did" - Mistress Anna Lea
"Thank him for saving my pathetic life. Duh!" - Jennifer (nice of her, don't you think?!?)
"Scream 'You'" - Sara (well, why not?)
"Eat it." - Jenn (hmmmmmmm)
"I'd say 'Wow! I guess my mom was right about drugs after all!' and then proceed to be squashed by the truck." - Laura
"Stop - remove Gungan - Use as human shield" - Treefingers (would that be Gungan shield, or are we refering to the shielding of the human?)
Are you a Capulet or a Montegue?
"Im a rebel *Hail the Alliance*" - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables
"No." - the Lizard King
"Capulet (I look good in a tuutuu)" - mep
"I refuse comment on the grounds that my client is not prepaired to answer this question at this time. Thank you. Next?" - Greg
"What is that, a cheese? I'm lactose intolerant." - I Forget Now
"Capulet... they throw the better parties." - Jennifer
"Both." - Xander (Yes, other people have said this, but he said it first)
"Im a Genetically enginnered Hybrid, or a Capague." - Trivian, Keevian, Melthalos, Trevel, Aladras and many others.
"Sorry, human...." - Pammy
"Neither i'm a carrick." - Rosemarie. (well, that's new)
It's midnight. Do you know where your towel is?
"Wrapped around me as I sip my Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. Damogran's pretty cold at night, you know." - Celeste (Another galactic hitchiker!)
"Yes, lying in a pool of blood next to Horseteeth's cold body." - Elora
"As a matter of fact, I don't..." - the Lizard King
"No, she's been out since, like, two nights ago. It's realy starting to get to me, if you see her (she's green and towel like in complexion) could you let me know? Thanks" - Greg
"Probably flirting with its hanger." - Xander
"Hopefully on the rack unless magical chipmunks or something steal it." - Fat Kat
"Bah! Who needs a towel?" - I Forget Now
"Why, choking Horseteeth in the closet, of course." - Mistress Anna Lea
"Out on a date with my toothbrush (I hooked them up)" - Laura
"Soaking up the spilled pickle brine next to my bed" - Marcus Wicksegerne
"Wherever the mold is" - Hairy
"My kitty is sleeping on it." - Jenn (awww!)
"On my bedroom ceiling!!" - Rosemarie. (oooh, how'd you do that?)
Have you seen any large creatures crushing things in New York or any other big city?
"One time I swore I saw a giant albino fish monster attack San Diego, but it might have been something I ate." - Greg
"What kind of stupid question is this? Of course I have....Who hasn't?" - Jennifer
"No....But my cat has been crushing all my papers on my bed...." - Sue L.S. Walker (placed here because I've met the said cat)
"Seen!? Ha! I've created creatures that cou--- erg. I've said too much... I must be off now..." - Grand Imperial Overlord, Koligon the Conqueror
"Our HR head? He's about 400#, does that count?" - Stacia
I say "subterranean vultures" you say:
"Tomato" - Elora
"Hydroelectric Peacocks" - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables
"Politicians..." - Celeste
"Delicious" - the Lizard King
"Bag it. Tag it. Sell it to the butcher at the store. Oh: Bag it, tag it, sell it to the butcher at the store." - Greg
"Grrrruffff?" - Josphene
"My family!!!" - Sue L.S. Walker
"Freaky Canadian ex-boyfriends named Tim" - Mistress Anna Lea (so true!)
"Algebra homework" - Skills McGee (Now I kinda miss that stuff...)
"ORBITING ORANGUTAN" - Glakrien
"Check please" - Steve
"ugly birds underground" - Dina (precicely)
"coooooool!!" - Cathy
"Wtf?" - Lord Cecil
"You can borrow Fluffy any time you want." - Rosemarie.
"Inner city vampires" - Treefingers
The chia pet's name is:
"Henry VIII" - Erin, Queen of Marshmallows
"Chewbacca" - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables
"Britney Spears. It's growing artificially, isn't it?" - Celeste
"Oh, ahhh, aw man?! I swear it like, right on the tip of my tounge! C'mon man, you knew it last night, you were just thinking about it... Ah, geeze, I give up: Pass." - Greg
"Rednax" - Xander (that'd be cool, I'll keep that in mind)
"The Gorgon (hey it looks like her)" - Josphene
"Petrie!" - Keri Randall (my favorite dinosaur!)
"Nauman" - Mistress Anna Lea (except it has more hair than he does...)
"Zartan the Ever-Living" - Grand Imperial Overlord, Koligon the Conqueror
"Shaquiefa" - Laura
"Phia" - Juliet (we think)
"Grammit" - Sarah 3
"Bush" - Cathy
"Chacha?" - Lord Cecil
"Al" - Rosemarie. (and it can learn to play trombone, and join the Kiltie band, and to the nifty dance when we play "You Can Call Me Al" 'cause they'll be able to... only I might confuse it with my magic tombstone of the same name)
The world will one day be destroyed by:
"Marshmallows will take it over, and it will not be destroyed." - Erin, Queen of Marshmallows
"Taxi drivers." - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables
"The Great Flying Pink Goat." - Celeste
"Evil incarnate vampires like the ones on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and those evil rabbits from Bio)" - Josphene
"Trained Monkeys!" - Mistress Zelda (these are also known as cheerleaders)
"Subterranean vultures" - Shawn (somebody likes my vultures!!!)
"Robocopicles" - Trivian, Keevian, Melthalos, Trevel, Aladras and many others.
"A giant cotton ball." - ME (not me)
"Fire" - Sarah (well, why not?)
"Jim Carrey" - Juliet
"Flying jelly beans" - Sarah 2 (must have had a bad experience)
"Cheese de-formations" - Taco Bell Dog
"Great, flobbering CHEESE monsters from outer space" - Lord Cecil (YEAH! 299 points for use of the word "flobbering"!)
"Cosmic space coathangers from the 3rd Dimension." - Treefingers
"Me." - the Lizard King (so which of these is this person?)
What's that ticking noise?
"Oh, that's just the bomb I put in the basement of the World Trade Center." - Angela (lots of people have warned me about bombs, but Angela was the first one kind enough to tell me where she put it!)
"Oh, that's the annoying clock they put in the wall of my padded room" - Mistress Zelda
"And why is it getting slower? Oh...no...my......pasem-a-k-e-r............" - Steve
"Blast it! My heads not doing that again is it????" - Josephene (funny, mine does that too sometimes)
"Edgar Allen Poe tapping at my door." - Your Mamma
"The clock telling you that your boiled egg is cooking." - Angelfreak
"The clock on George Castanza's desk." - Taco Bell Dog
"The timebomb in the chem labs at scool." - Rosemarie. (that will be so pretty!)
What color would you advise this moose to dye her hair? (retired question)
"Blue. Neon blue." - Lisa Dragon (put here because that'd be nifty)
"I have a moose. I call him Moose. Joey calls him Marshmallowy Moose. I love my Moose. His hair is nice chocolate brown, and I don't want it any other way." - Erin, Queen of Marshmallows
What's your favorite sewer monster?
"Alligators, in Florida" - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables (added here just because it's true)
"Wererats" - the Lizard King (I dunno if they're my favorite, but they do tend to turn up at annoying times in sewers...them and Draconians, but Draconians are everywhere.)
"Him. Yea, second from the left. Could you have him read the card, I'm pretty sure that's him." - Greg
"SWAMP THING!" - Cito Nanchereze
"Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles!" - Keri Randall (insert theme music here)(no, they're not monsters, but they are my favorite cartoon)(yes, I know, other people said this too, but Keri was first)(enough with the parentheses, onward!)
"Alex" - Grand Imperial Overlord, Koligon the Conqueror
"The guy who ate the penguin dude from Batman" - Laura
"Oh, don't make me choose, I love them all to dearly to hurt their feelings" - Steve
"Globbo the mightyful monstah from outer space" - Lord Cecil
"A sewer dragon!" - Starseeker (indeed!)
What's the name of your home planet?
"I'm just a figment of your imagination..." - Celeste
"I'm not at liberty to say." - Erin, Queen of Marshmallows
"Kashyyyk, Wookiee world!" - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables (another Star Warrior answer! ::Rune does a happy dance::)
"Pegasus-Cygnus Prime... um... I mean, Earth! Duh, where else?!" - Greg
"Tatooine.. You will never find a more wretched hide of scum and villainy." - Sue L.S. Walker
"Gamorr" - Grand Imperial Overlord, Koligon the Conqueror (Eeeew)
"The Land of the Chia Pets. Where the chia pets are always in bloom." - Trivian, Keevian, Melthalos, Trevel, Aladras and many others. (yay for chia pets!)
"Venus. (women are from Venus men are from Mars.)" - Rosemarie.
What about Bob?
"Mmm. Mmmm. Mmmmmm." - Celeste
"I like his shirt." - Jawschwa Eduardo Hables
"Bob is my leader." - the Lizard King
"I dunno, what about Bob? Wait, which Bob?" - Greg
"He's probably from the mob." - Xander
"He died just like the monkey that fell out of the tree." - Josephene (if it isn't funny to you, then you missed the joke)
"Bob is in the shower talking to the bottle of shampoo that contains the leader of the little green men who live in people's ears..." - Sue L.S. Walker
"Screw Bob, what about ME!" - Cito Nanchereze
"He likes apples." - Mistress Anna Lea
"Is he some freak coming after us?" - Fat Kat
"He is Sponge Bob Square Pants, and he lives in a pineapple under the sea!!!" - Gina (yes, people have said it before and will no doubt say it again, but Gina put it very nicely)
"Bob is one of those way too "happy" people, who get way too close to you when you speak to them. If you ever wondered who picked up your garbage this morning, it was Bob." - Skills McGee
"He wears thongs when he's drunk and doesn't remember it the next morning... We have pictures to prove it" - Cathy
Questions? Comments? Extemporaneous statements?
"I love dragons!!!!!!" - Lisa Dragon (anything complimentary to dragons is goooood)
"Good Grief, Rune, where and how did you come up with this?" - Elora (I'm sure you're thinking this as well)(but she missed when...the when was amusing)
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
MMM
@,@
V^V
hi" - Xander
"One day I hope to be just like that man who spent $100,000 on Star Wars stuff...Oh yea people who read this go sign my Guestbook. ".. sufferin' sarlaccs, JediMan!..." From a Sith Acadmey thing" - Sue L.S. Walker
"Ok, something is really wrong here..." - Keri Randall (yes, yes, something is...)
"BEWARE of the evil aliens, they are coming for us all." - April
"What the heck does extemporaneous mean?" - Laura (extemporaneous \Ex*tem`po*ra"ne*ous\, a. [See Extempore.] Composed, performed, or uttered on the spur of the moment, or without previous study; unpremeditated; off-hand; extempore; extemporary; as, an extemporaneous address or production. -- Ex*tem`po*ra"ne*ous*ly, adv. -- Ex*tem`po*ra"ne*ous*ness,n.)
"Were you dropped as a child? Those questions matched my Algebra 2 test exactly. Well, I'm not certain about that because I didn't really look at the test. I mean, even if I try I fail, so whats the point?" - Steve (no, I fell all by myself and wacked my head on the corner of a coffee table... and I have much the same view of algebra!)
"My mind is numb." - jackie (mine too)
"What were you on when you devised this extremely strange test???" - Jess (just caffine)
"boss thinks I am hard at work" - Marcus Wicksegerne (hey, you're thinking, it's still productive... sorta)
"Pickles are pretty tangy..." - Laura (and nasty too)
"Isn't this the test to see if you can make it on "Who Wants To Be a Millionare"???????? This must be what you call a Geofasinating site." - Taco Bell Dog (well, I certainly think it is)
"I have a belly button...Do you?" - Cathy (Nope, froze it off on one of those band trips to northern places)
"GOO!" - Matthew (no no, you've had just about enough creamed carrots for now, young man.)
"All your quizes are belong to us" - Lord Cecil (What you say?!? Ah, I enjoyed reading your answers, mortal.)
"Do you think god is a female? Me and my mate have been deliberating on this point and have come to believe that this is so. Do you agree?" Rosemarie. (sorry, no, I've been brainwashed by my Christian parents and can't get the idea of a single vindictive male god out of my head...)
"What did moths do before electric light?" - Treefinger (enjoyed more ambitious, longer lives?)
"My name is StarSeeker, the Royal HalfBlood, or what humans call, a mixed breed! To describe myself in a brief way would be, I am a gold dragoness with black tiger stripes. I have more than that, but I said brief description. I really like your lair! Better than mine (even though it's not done yet)! O.o Well, gotta go! Still exploring the twists and tunnels in your lair!
From the dragon who flies high in the blue skies,
StarSeeker
Top 5 People With the Most Good Answers
1) Greg
2) Celeste and Rosemarie
3) Sue L.S. Walker and Lord Cecil
4) Erin Queen of Marshmallows, Grand Imperial Overlord, Koligon the Conqueror, and Starseeker
5) Xander
Congratulations, all, you're quite amusing!
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