The Famous Lincoln/Kennedy Email Perhaps you've seen this before. Too bad, see it again.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names comprise fifteen letters.

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before their trial

Here's the kicker....

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Miscellaneous Useless Information!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

Polar bears are left handed.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animals having the most taste buds.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length, which is like a human jumping the length of a football field.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump (thankfully.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Starfishes haven`t got brains (which, I believe, makes my ex-boyfriend a starfish.)

Real Quotes from Marion Barry Whether this guy is still mayor of Washington, D.C. I don't know but he said these things while he was in office! Believe it or not, none of this is misquoted, although I think if you lived in DC while he was mayor you'd have no trouble at all believing it.

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

"Bitch set me up."

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"

"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are."

"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice."

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"

"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"

"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."

Some Deadly Phrases These are really on people's tombstones.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.

In a London, England cemetery:

Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications
of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

I was somebody.
Who is no business
Of yours.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.

In a Georgia cemetery:

"I told you I was sick!"

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing
that made her go.

Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay.

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:

In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania:

Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Manufacturer's Warnings These are the real things too. This whole page is factual, I don't know why I keep typing this.

TESCO'S TIRIMASU DESSERT - Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING - Product will be hot after heating.

PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON - Do not iron clothes on body.

BOOTS CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE - Do not drive car or operate machinery.

NYTOL (A SLEEP AID) - Warning: may cause drowsiness.

A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE - Warning keep out of children.

A STRING OF CHRISTMAS LIGHTS - For indoor or outdoor use only.

A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR - Not to be used for the other use.

SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS - Warning: contains nuts.

AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS - Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

A SWEDISH CHAINSAW - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

SEARS HAIR DRYER:Do not use while sleeping.

BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap.

SWANSON FROZEN DINNERS:Serving suggestion: Defrost.

HOTEL PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: Fits one head.

Real Quotes from Al Gore or Why I Vote Republican

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

"Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." -- obviously talking about Clinton

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." I'm serious, he said that!

My personal favorite, Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road?
������������Did he cross it with a toad? ������������Yes! The chicken crossed the road, ������������but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Reagan: What chicken?

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken Coop 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book--and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton: By your definition, I did not cross the road with any chicken, for to be chicken would mean to not cross, so you see, because a chicken did cross, it was not a chicken and that means that I have nothing to hide whatsoever. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

Yoda: Surrounds us, does the Force. It is between you...me...even between the chicken and the road.