Picture 6 If your turkey is still feeling reluctant about being roasted pick him up, look him in the eye, err.. neck cavity and let him know there's no way out. Time Index: 01.12
Picture 7 As it has no doubt been at least a dozen seconds since you last did it, now is a good time to wash your hands again. This would be pretty much ok if you had the lifetime of a housefly meeting an electrified cattle prodder, but if you don't it may make you seem slightly unusual. Time Index: 01.20
Picture 8 Your turkey may be feeling left out at this point and feeling unloved given how much time you have spent at the sink. Remind him he is still loved by combining him with your favourite activity. This is also a good moment to wash off any grime or dirt from the turkey. Time Index: 01.29
Picture 9 If things are going well at this point flash your dazzling smile. Be careful not to do this around some men, they may get the wrong idea. Always test the waters first by knowing them beforehand and only then engaging your smile. If you are cooking your turkey on a trainful of strangers smiling is strictly forbidden in the UK.  Time Index: 01.47
Picture 10 Using the latest in flexible digital display technology (cunningly disguised as the packet) consult the spreadsheet being shown to find out how long to cook your turkey for. A useful rule of thumb is the more massive the turkey the longer it will take to cook. As in a telecom's system it is always good to add on a safety margin of extra time for health and safety reasons. Plus there might be something good on TV. Time Index: 01.58

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