(Please note
� All holidays falling on a weekday require the Assmonkeyologist to
refrain from going to work. It would be seen as an insult to the spirit
of Assmonkeyology If a holiday falls on a weekend, it is appropriate
to celebrate it on either the preceding Friday or proceeding Monday)
January - January 3rd shall be known as Fish had Feet Day. It shall be celebrated by exploring the evolutionary process, mocking the Christians, et al and with the drinking of the sacred beer.
February - February 14th shall be known as Familiar�s Day. It shall be celebrated by honoring those we still have and those who have moved on. It shall be celebrated with lively tales of The Two, Smokey J, Kris1 and 2 and all other�s near and dear to us. It shall also be celebrated with the drinking of the sacred beer.
March - The entire month of March is celebrated as the �Month of Assmonkeyology� It shall be celebrated when you see fit, with song, dance, feasts, festivals and the drinking of the sacred beer.
March 20th - Shall be known as the Day of the Smiting and celebrated with story, song and the drinking of the sacred beer.
April - April 26th shall be known as Krakah Day. It shall be celebrated by using profane language, complaining about your job and drinking excessively of the sacred beer.
May- The first Monday in May shall be celebrated as Camping Day and shall be remembered for the initial camping trip which first launched the Assmonkeys. It shall be celebrated with bon fires and the drinking of the sacred beer.
June - The first Friday of June shall be known as Manatee Day. It shall be celebrated by throwing sticks at manatees, and if you incorporate canoeing, boating or camping, then by running into them with your boat. If you are unable to harm or kill a manatee due to local laws, you can either get a Seminole to do it for you or simply entertain others with lively tales of how you would like to harm the manatee; this is also accompanied by the drinking of the sacred beer.
June - The first day of summer shall be celebrated as the Summer Solstice and celebrated with bon fires and the drinking of the sacred beer
July - July 8th shall be known as Bob Day. It shall be celebrated by lying in bed, snuggling with The Two (this part is optional), telling people to �Go Fuck Themselves� and the drinking of the sacred beer.
July - July 23rd shall be known as Bayer Day. It is a day to reflect on those who have left us and celebrate those still with us. It shall be celebrated with parties, festivals and the drinking of the sacred beer.
August - August 16th shall be known as Pagan Day. It shall be a day to remember and relish our freedom of speech, religion, etc. It shall be celebrated by saying what we want, doing what we want, mocking other religions, feasts and bon fires and the drinking of the sacred beer.
September - The First day of Hockey Season shall be known as Puck Off Day. It shall be celebrated by watching hockey, or attending a hockey game, complete with feasts and smack talk about your favorite team and the drinking of the sacred beer.
October - We celebrate Halloween and as such, we do not need our own holiday in October. Halloween shall, however be celebrated with feasts, bonfires, trick or treating, decorations and the drinking of the sacred beer.
November - The Last Monday of the month shall be known as Ex�s Day. It shall be a day to celebrate the fact that wives are now exes. It shall be celebrated by performing death rituals for your specific ex and with the drinking of the sacred beer.
November - November 14th shall be known as Death Metal Day. It shall be celebrated by listening to Death Metal, sitting around bon fires, eating sugar free foods and the drinking of the sacred beer.
November - November 22nd shall be Casshole Day. It shall be celebrated by talking excessively about work, sharing tubs with those that you love (optional) and the drinking of the sacred beer.
December - December 14th shall be known as Wahoo Day. It shall be celebrated with story and song, pretending that you have no faults and the drinking of the sacred beer.