| Rumble 2004 Return to Rounds 1-2 Return to Rounds 3-5 Return to Rounds 6-8 Finales Brian Wrote: Brian: Looks like Ender didn't find any ammo, but he did find another blaster. I think that might be Jango Fett's blasters. Did they get dropped in here? Anyway, he lines up another shot at Rand. Mike Myers: NOOOOOO!!! Madden: Oh, it looks like Ender didn't find his shot in time for Shrek. Rand just caught a hold of him and shredded him with some of that weaving magic. I took basket weaving in college too, but she sure didn't teach me any of that stuff. Look! There's bits of Ogre here, green goo over there, and . . . (he begins to doodle on the board again). Jamie: We're never going to keep that clean with him around! Brian: Ender decides that bit of distraction was what he needed for a good shot. He fires on Rand, and . . . Robert Jordan: Yeaa! He weaves air and turns the blaster bolt into Neo's chest. 'The One' goes down! Rowling: Yes, but only for a moment. Fawkes rains some more tears on Neo, and he stands back up. Jordan: Rand decides he's had enough of the crying bird and balefires him. Then he . . . NOOOOOOO!!!! Brian: The moment's distraction was all Neo needed. He plunges his hand into Rand's chest and pulls his still beating heart from his rib cage. <<**BLAAAAAM**>> Indiana Jones: I've seen that move before, and it's never good. Brian: It looks like Jones had a 'Temple of Doom' flashback and decided to take a shot of his own. He took Neo down while his attention was on Rand. He turns to Ender and they fire at each other. They both leap for cover. Stan Lee: Enough of that, let's see what's happening with the real champion here. Tolkien & Lucas: There are no 'real' champions left. All of my characters are gone. (They look at each other in surprise) Lee: Whatever, Pyro is holding his own against Loki and Sailor Moon. Brian: Yes, literally 'holding' his own. It seems Loki has tired of playing with Pyro and has bound him with his own hands. Lee: That's not fair! Brian: Anyway, with Pyro somewhat out of the way, Loki is concentrating on Sailor Moon. However, her 'Moon' powers have some sort of canceling effect on his magic, and yet she can't seem to hit him with anything either. Not sure how this might end. Unless one of them get's a lucky shot or . . . Mark: Or an unlucky shot. Like that one. It looks like one of Indiana Jones' bullets went astray. It just punched a hole through Loki's head. Not Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! I love the smell of brain fluid in the morning! Brian: Where did you come up with this guy anyway? Mark: You don't want to know. Stan Lee: Well, Loki's death seems to have freed Pyro, now we'll see some serious destruction! He sends a blast of fire at Sailor Moon. NOOOOOOO!!!! Brian: It looks like Moon fired a blast of her own at the same time. She falls to the ground wreathed in flame, but Pyro's been disintegrated. Orson Scott Card: Well, now it's down to Ender and Jones. Indiana fires at Ender again, but the shot misses. As the echo of the ricochet dies away, another sound is heard. 'Click' It looks like Jones has come up empty. Ender grins in triumph. He fires again and hits Jones in the leg. He walks over to the wounded archeologist, levels the blaster and fires. NOOOOOOOO!!!! Carol: Yes, it seems that Sailor Moon was singed but not killed by the mutant fire. Just as Ender fired, she obliterated him. Mr. Statistics: And we have another female winner! Yes, our winner of Rumble 2005(06) is Sailor Moon! The anime theme song starts to play and Tuxedo Mask delivers flowers to the victor as Sailor Scouts jump for joy. RJ Wrote: Bruce Wayne (take your pick of which one--I am imagining Val Kilmer): Well I must say that I feel that no competition is complete without the appearance of the Dark Knight--the greatest fighter of all time! I might just have to pull Wayne Industries support of this so called Fantastic... All: YOUR SUPPORT? RJ: That's it...your off to TIME OUT until your first battle of the Tournament. Good-bye. (He leaves amid the shouts of cat calls--or would it be bat calls--and cheers.) Jamie: Well at least we can get on with this. Since all the warp doors have been sealed for this finale, the competitors are here to either die or win. Ender has finally found some bits of broken glass, twisted metal, and nuts and bolts that could work as ammo--he begins modifying his rifle to allow for the new bullets. RJ: Meanwhile Fawkes has comtinued to circle overhead...Pyro has spotted him and sent a flame his way. JK Rowling: Of course a flame no matter how lage would not hurt a phoenix. Elmer: That is swo twrue. But the fwire has tempowrarily weduced the bwird to ashes. RJ: Well Fawkes may be down but he is not out yet. It appeard though that the flame thrown by Pyro has alerted all the others to his presence--especially Rand. He leaves The One and rushes off to fight fire with fire. Jamie: Oh I have a bad feeling about this. 6 other Star Wars characters: Hey! That's my line! Jamie: Whatever. That leaves Shrek and Neo to fight Indiana. I don't think that will end nicely either. RJ: Anyway, Rand and Pyro are now throwing fire at each other. But Ender has finished altering his weapon--he returns to his sniper spot . . . aims . . . and takes out both. It is now down to 7. R2D2: Responds with a series of beeps and whistles. C3PO: That is correct. Your calculations are flawed for Master Solo has recently perished. RJ: Oh no. Not this again. Mistaken Identity Syndrome (or MIS) is a huge problem in these events. It is not Han Solo who has just died, but Indiana Jones. Jamie: Yes. Shrek's strength and Neo's fighting ability have proved to much even for the heroics of Dr. Jones. We are now down to only 6. I have a feeling that it will soon be 5 though. RJ: Why is that Sweetie? Jamie: Well, in their attack on each other, Loki and Sailor have weakened the structural integrity of Ender's sniper lookout. Scotty: President Brian, I don't think she'll hold together any longer. Brian: Well, the Rumble is in motion and no outsider can interfere. Ender falls to his death amid a pile of twisted metal--the finale is down to only Shrek, Neo, Loki, Sailor, and Fawkes. RJ: With Indiana out of their way, Shrek and Neo turn their attention to Loki and Sailor Moon. Shrek: Here's what we need to do. I'll go after the freaky guy, you take out the girl. Neo: No. I don't take orders from you. Shrek: Well with Ender dead, I should be leader of us now. Neo: Why? Shrek: Cause I'm bigger than you! Neo: That may be true, but you do not have my knowledge. Jamie: And with that he lifts up the huge ogre and throws him toward the magical battle. RJ: He lands right in between some sort of "light" spell from Sailor and a "bubble" spell from the Norse god. It doesn't have a pleasing effect--Shrek pops like a huge green zit! Audience: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! RJ: Sorry, I'm just tellin' the facts. Perhaps you could elaborate on why that occurred Mr. Einstein. Albert: Vell, die spell of light vom Zailor make Shrek's cell valls very veak. Die bubble spell simply popped him vom inside out. Audience: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH! Jamie: Thanks sir. Well we are now down to 4! Who will win? Stay tuned for these important messages. Mark: Uh, what messages? We don't go to commercials here. Jamie: I thought I'd give Brian the opportunity to remind everyone to send in matches for the Tournament. Brian: I won't need to now. Thanks. Jamie: No problem. RJ: Can we get on with it? (Jamie and Brian nod.) OK, with Shrek gone, Neo does turn his attention to Sailor--realizing that anything that Loki does to him will eventually wear off. He first punches out the Norse mischief and sets him aside. Then he picks up the moon princess reaches inside of her chest and stops her heart! (Well if he can save Trinity in that way, why not kill another in the same manner.) But just for good measure he throws her into a pile of cars and sets them aflame. That is really messy. Many girls start to cry. Jamie: Well, I am not sure on this but that may be a new record for length in a rumble--Sailor Moon was introduced a long time ago. RJ: Sweetie, we really should move on. With only 3 remaining contestants and one of them, Fawkes, still an infant bird, all attention is directed to Neo and Loki. Jamie: Neo knows that Loki is not immortal so all he needs s to do is avoid his spells, cause a distraction and go in for the kill. RJ: And the revived Fawkes provides that distraction--although he is very young, his squawking causes Loki to look up and Neo flies at the Norse god with Matrix speed and rips the giant in two. Man that was another messy death, oh well, no mo Lo' Audience groans. RJ: Hey, am I not allowed one bad pun? Anyway, it is down to just two now: Fawkes and Neo. Jamie: After Neo cleans himself of Norse blood, he calls to his friend. Fawkes lands on Neo's outstretched arm. Neo: Well we have done well, haven't we? Well, friend, soon it will be over. RJ: And now it is!!! Fawkes was unaware of Neo reaching around himself is now dead. Neo grabbed the phoenix from behind and broke Fawkes' neck! Neo (setting the bird down, gently): It is time that The One won. Jamie: And the victor walks away. Winner: Neo, The Chosen One from the Matrix Mark Wrote: Mark: a quiet beeping alarm sounds from the watch on Ender's wrist. He nods. All rumble participants are now in play. He whistles to Fawkes. As the Phoenix flies over to him, he pulls a spherical object from his belt. Lucas (poking his head back in): Ah! He must have pocketed that when he was on Hoth. Oh! Poor Hoth! (Lucas ducks back out, crying) Ender: Fawkes, bring this to Neo. He might find it useful. J.K. Rowling: The bird squaks once, and grabs the metal ball. Before he lets go, Ender flips a switch on the ball, and a little pulsing light goes on�why that sneaky little brat! Card: Well, Ender knows there can only be one winner. And that is what he does best: win. Not Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! So, now Fawkes is carrying a little surprise for Neo and Rand, without even knowing it himself. What a clever young man! Ho, Ho, Ho! Mark: The bird comes closer, and squaks something to Neo. Rand looks up and scowls. Whatever that bird is doing, he's sure it's not going to help him. He channels, and a white hot bolt of light strikes Fawkes in the chest. The phoenix is balefired, becoming nothing but motes of dust. Rowling: Darn. Well, I suppose that was the only way to stop a phoenix. Not Santa: But now, the thermal detonator tumbles out of the bird's grasp and lands between Rand and Neo. The clever little contraption is timed to go off a second after being thrown. Rand and Neo don't even notice it until-- KABOOOOM!!! Not Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! That detonator must have been turned up pretty high! Neo and Rand have been reduced to twin mounds of charcoal, suitable for stocking stuffing. How in keeping with the holiday season! Mark: Ender sighs as the fireball erupts over the place where Neo and Rand were moments ago. He hates to kill--especially, to waste the lives of his troops. But sometimes-- Stan Lee: Enough schmaltz! The fire whips unnaturally over to a remote corner of the Junkyard! RJ: Great Caesar's Ghost! Pyro has grabbed the fire and manipulated it over to him. Now, the flames build in fury and volume, and he sends them barreling at full strength onto the top of the pile where he spotted Ender! Brian: Ender tries to dive away, but the fire captures him and fries the flesh right off his bones. Jabba (translated from huttese): This mutant is my kind of scum. Fearless, inventive, and powerful. Now he sends the fire barreling across the junkyard, wreaking havoc with the remaining participants. Cindy: Indiana Jones dives behind a truck, and Sailor Moon whines like an annoying anime character and hides. Shrek picks up a...a..what's it called? Mark: Windshield? Cindy: Right. And he holds the windshield in front of him as a shield. Loki, however... Loki: Hoo, Hoo! Too much fire is bad for the stomach, little boy! Cindy: Suddenly, the fire vanishes away, and becomes a rain of soap bubbles. Pyro blinks in astonishment. He opens up the tank of fuel on his back, but it just sprays out more bubbles. Sailor Moon: Hey! Just like Sailor Mercury! Loki: Yes, that's much better. Urk! Lucas (poking his head back in): Indiana Jones snaps his whip around Loki's throat, and starts choking him. Henry Jones Sr: That's my boy! Maybe he recognized Loki's face from all those archaeology books he keeps studying. I'm sure there was a mythic representation of... Lucas (coming all the way back in): Hey, wait a minute! I named Indiana Jones! He was named after my dog! There's still one of mine alive! Stan Lee: Not for long, O flanneled fatman. Loki waves his fingers, and suddenly the whip changes into a huge snake, with the business end in Indiana's hands. Indiana Jones: Gah! Why did it have to be snakes? Mark: Indiana Jones is battling the 10-foot python that used to be his whip, and Pyro is temporarily powerless, but now Shrek charges at Loki, before he can recover very much. Shrek: You turned me into a pig, you great ninny! Donkey: Alright! My man Shrek is kicking butt! He crashes into Loki, and now he is pummeling him left and right. Stan Lee: Loki must be too distracted to--oh, no, there he goes. Mark: Looks like Shrek is a pig again. Sailor Moon: Moon...healing...activation! Mark: Now he's an ogre again. Sailor Moon: Go get him, ugly man! Shrek: Happy to oblige, lady. Yoda: Attacks Loki he does, and making the giant bleed is the ogre. Waves his fingers he does, but no effect does it have. Suppose do I that temporary immunity does the Sailor girl's power bestow. Stan Lee: While Loki's powers are only temporary, as evidenced by the re-emergence of Pyro's flame powers! With a battlecry, Pyro lets loose his fire at Loki and Shrek. The two combatants shriek in pain. Sailor Moon: Hey! That wasn't nice! Moon...Tiara... Stan Lee: Pyro extends his fire attack into Sailor Moon as well, and the girl bursts into fire! Jerry "The King" Lawler: Maybe it will burn off that skimpy outfit! Hoo, hoo! Mark: You disgust us all, King. Go to time out until you can clean up your mind. Tazz: That'll take a while. (King goes away) Not Santa: Ho, Ho! A barbecue is more in keeping with the Fourth of July, but I always enjoy a good picnic! How I love the smell of napalm in the morning! RJ: But suddenly the fire vanishes as quickly as it appeared, and is replaced by mounds of soap suds, in the middle of which stands a massive red giant with a sneer on his face Pyro: Wha--? Loki: I'm a fire giant, you great fool. And thank you so much for disposing of my enemies. Mark: Foregoing his fun little tricks, this time Loki goes right for the kill. He seizes Pyro by the shoulder and punches his face with all the power of the Fire Giants of Asgard. His face is crushed into a bloody pulp. Loki stands and turns, and he and Indiana Jones size each other up. Loki: Just you and me now, human. Lucas: Indy whips out his gun, but before he can fire, it changes into bouquet of flowers. Loki takes two steps forward and slugs Jones hard in the face. His hat goes flying away in the breeze. Tazz: But Indiana is still on his feet! He turns and fires right back, catching Loki on the chin. The Norse god reels back, and this time Jones dodges altogether, and tries to duck behind a car. Loki: Don't leave yet! We're just getting acquainted. Mark: Indiana Jones suddenly finds the ground is too slippery to run on. Loki whistles, and Jones' body flies back into his arms. Loki gives him a harsh uppercut, and then waves his hands, and a huge shoulder cannon appears on the ground. Not Santa: He must have been a very good boy to get such neat presents from Santa! Tolkien (having followed Lucas back in): The massive Jotun shoves the archaeologist into the cannon, puts it to his shoulder, and fires it. Indiana flies through the air, and smacks into the iron wall of the car smashing machine. And now Loki turns to us, and holds his arms up, in a clear sign of his claiming victory. The winner of the rumble, Loki, Norse... Brian: He hasn't won yet. Tolkien: Eh? Brian: He hasn't won. Indiana Jones is dazed, but he's very much alive. Stan Lee: Oh, now Loki's mad! He stalks over to Jones and pulls him off the ground with one hand. Indiana, reacting out of instinct, kicks the Giant in the crotch! Tazz: Oh, a low blow! Isn't that illegal? Mark: Not in this tournament. Indiana Jones gets to his feet, and grabs a pipe. He swings hard at the wounded giant, and clocks him in the face. And again! Brian: What a battle! On the third swing, Loki reaches up and catches the pipe, kicking Indy against a scrapped car that is sitting on the belt heading for the crusher. Mark: Loki grabs the pipe and turns it easily into a pretzel shape, then, thinking better of it, he twists it into the shape of a ballon animal poodle, and throws it aside. Lucas: The heavy clunk of metal hits the lever controlling the smasher, and suddenly the belt begins to move, and the crusher begins to smash things. Brian: Loki seizes Jones by the throat and starts choking him out, even as the belt they are standing on begins to move. But now Indiana Jones fights back, and kicks Loki in the shin. Loki flinches, and Jones sticks a thumb in his eye. Bobby the Brain: Now, that's a classic move that always works. Lucas: And now Jones is on top of Loki, and punching him in the face! And Loki is reeling! Indy is winning! I think we need some music, John! John Williams: da, d-da, DAAAA...da, d-DAAAAA...DA, d-da, DAAAAA...da, d-DA, DA, DA! (Indiana Jones music, if you can't figure it out) Mark: Indy is getting in rights and lefts, but Loki is getting his feet back. Indy slugs him again in the gut. John Williams: da, d-DA-da, d-DA-da, d-DA-da, d-DA-da, d-dum!! Stan Lee: Ohh! But now Loki with a vicious headbutt into Indy's face, and now Dr. Jones' nose is bleeding. Loki punches him hard in the stomach, winding him, and then knees him in the face. Indy tumbles off the belt. Mark: And Loki takes a breath, wipes the blood off his nose, and suddenly realizes where he is. C-3P0: Oh my! This reminds me of that awful trash compactor my friends were caught in. Curse my metal body! Mark: Loki tries to leap out of the smasher, but his costume is caught on the jagged edges of the scrapped car. He pulls desperately, but... >CRUUUUSSSHHH!!!< Not Santa: Ho, Ho! Looks like Loki has changed his form again--now he's an irregular red stain on the crusher's walls. Lucas: Yes! One of mine wins! Tolkien: I'd call this one of Mr. Spielberg's, actually. Mark: Indy struggles to his feet, and immediately falls down again, breathing heavily. The wind blows his hat onto the ground beside him. He picks it up and puts it on. Brian: And that's it! For the first time in six events, Indiana Jones at last captures the gold medal. The winner of the Rumble: Professor Henry "Indiana" Jones! Henry Jones, Sr: Uh, Henry Jones JUNIOR, that is. Robert Wrote: No, here is what really happened... Robert: Let's go back to the part where Rand balefires Fawkes. (rewinds) Robert Jordan: I think I see what Robert is getting at. Since Rand balefired Fawkes, the thermal detonator would go back to where it was before the phoenix picked it up. Robert: Right. So lets see it again. Bean: That doesn't look good for the commander. The thermal detonator is now in his hand with one second remaining. Robert: Yeah, so Ender's dead. How is that going to affect everything else? Dumbledore: Immense magical energies are being tossed around. It is hard to see what is going on. Voldemort: Hard to see for such a fool as yourself maybe. Robert: Okay, who let them in here? Time out both of you before another fight breaks out. In the mean time, it looks like everyone is dead. Alexander: Not quite everyone. Two are still standing after that magical melee. Sailor Moon and Indiana Jones. Indy was hiding behind a big rock. Rand would have killed everyone, but when he saw Sailor Moon he cried out for Ilyena and collapsed to the ground. In such a prone position, he was easy to finish off. Having emerged victorious over her foes, Sailor Moon starts some bizzare victory dance, until Indiana Jones stands up to confront her. Random anime fanboy: Oh this is so easy. Sailor Moon will clobber him. Robert: Actually, she spent so much time with that odd posing-and-saying-random-words-thingy that Indy pulled out his gun and shot her. Not sporting really, but such is life. Winner: Indiana Jones Joey Wrote: I think Loki would win. But I�m not going to tell the story. Carol Wrote: Those other endings are possibilities. >>Music from the "endings" part of the movie Clue<< Here is what REALLY happened. Mark: a quiet beeping alarm sounds from the watch on Ender's wrist. He nods. All rumble participants are now in play. He whistles to Fawkes. As the Phoenix flies over to him, he pulls a spherical object from his belt. Lucas (poking his head back in): Ah! He must have pocketed that when he was on Hoth. Oh! Poor Hoth! (Lucas ducks back out, crying) Ender: Fawkes, bring this to Neo. He might find it useful. J.K. Rowling: The bird squaks once, and grabs the metal ball. Before he lets go, Ender flips a switch on the ball, and a little pulsing light goes on--why that sneaky little brat! Card: Well, Ender knows there can only be one winner. And that is what he does best: win. Not Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! So, now Fawkes is carrying a little surprise for Neo and Rand, without even knowing it himself. What a clever young man! Ho, Ho, Ho! Mark: The bird comes closer, and squaks something to Neo. Rand looks up and scowls. Whatever that bird is doing, he's sure it's not going to help him. He channels, and a white hot bolt of light strikes Fawkes in the chest. The phoenix is balefired, becoming nothing but motes of dust. Rowling: Darn. Well, I suppose that was the only way to stop a phoenix. Not Santa: But now, the thermal detonator tumbles out of the bird's grasp and lands between Rand and Neo. The clever little contraption is timed to go off a second after being thrown. Rand and Neo don't even notice it until-- KABOOOOM!!! Not Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! That detonator must have been turned up pretty high! Neo and Rand have been reduced to twin mounds of charcoal, suitable for stocking stuffing. How in keeping with the holiday season! Mark: Ender sighs as the fireball erupts over the place where Neo and Rand were moments ago. He hates to kill--especially, to waste the lives of his troops. But sometimes-- Duncan Mac Leod: There CAN be only one! Too bad I'm not in this. Bruce Wayne (take your pick of which one--I am imagining Val Kilmer): Well I must say that I feel that no competition is complete without the appearence of the Dark Knight--the greatest fighter of all time! I might just have to pull Wayne Industries support of this so called Fantastic... All: YOUR SUPPORT? RJ: That's it...your off to TIME OUT until your first battle of the Tournament. Good-bye. (He leaves amid the shouts of cat calls--or would it be bat calls--and cheers.) Jamie: Well at least we can get on with this. Since all the warp doors have been sealed for this finale, the competitors are here to either die or win. Ender has finalluy found some bits of broken glass, twisted metal, and nuts and bolts that could work as ammo--he begins modifying his rifle to allow for the new bullets. R2D2 makes a series of beeps and whistles. C3PO: That is correct. You calculatons are flawed for Master Solo has recently perished. RJ: Oh no. Not this again. Mistaken Identity Syndrom..or MIS..is a hugh problem in these events. It is not Han Solo who has just died, but Indiana Jones. Jamie: Yes. Ender took out I.J. with a bullet from his rifle. Great shot! We are down to only 5, but I think it will be only 4 soon. RJ: Why is that Sweetie? Jamie: Well, in their attack on each other, Loki and Sailor Moon have weakend the structrual integrity of Ender's sniper lookout. Scotty: President Brian, I don't think she'll hold together any longer. Brian: Well, the Rumble is in motion and no outsider can interfere. Ender falls to his death amid a pile of twisted metal--the finale is down to only Shrek, Loki, Sailor Moon, and Pyro. Stan Lee: Enough of that, let's see what's happening with the real champion here. Tolkien & Lucas: There are no 'real' champions left. All of my characters are gone. (They look at each other in surprise) Lee: Whatever, Pyro is holding his own against Loki and Sailor Moon. Brian: Yes, literally 'holding' his own. It seems Loki has tired of playing with Pyro and has bound him with his own hands. Lee: That's not fair! Brian: Anyway, with Pyro somewhat out of the way, Loki is concentrating on Sailor Moon. However, her 'Moon' powers have some sort of canceling effect on his magic, and yet she can't seem to hit him with anything either. Not sure how this might end. Unless one of them get's a lucky shot or . . . Mark: Yes, a lucky shot. Like that one. Shrek has entered the fray, went to the pile of debris that had Ender's body and claimed the modified rifle. He takes aim and... Not Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! I love the smell of brain fluid in the morning! Brian: Where did you come up with this guy anyway? Mark: You don't want to know. Stan Lee: Well, Loki's death seems to have freed Pyro, now we'll see some serious destruction! He sends a blast of fire at Sailor Moon. NOOOOOOO!!!! Brian: It looks like Moon fired a blast of her own at the same time. She falls to the ground wreathed in flame, but Pyro's been disintegrated. Carol: What? A Great Big, Smelly, Ugly, Snotty OGRE won the Rumble? No way! Anyway where is the music? Where are the cheering crowds? This can't be the end! BUT WAIT!! Yes, it seems that Sailor Moon WAS singed but not killed by the mutant fire. Just as Shrek was starting to look triumphant...Hold on my son needs a diaper change. <Please everone hold their noses for 5 min> Brian: what are we all waiting for, anyone can see what's happening. Shrek is trying to aim the rifle at Sailor Moon, but his big fat finger is stuck in the trigger thingee (very technical language we use here). Sailor Moon: I have no desire to hurt you, but for the sake of our world, for peace and harmony... for my FRIENDS! <dramatic upswell of anime music> I will Vanquish you! Moon... Scepter... Elimination!!!!!! Mark: and the funny thing is that Shrek went out with a smile. She did her whole dance, and it was cute. Mr. Statistics: And we have another female winner! Yes, our winner of Rumble 2005(06) is Sailor Moon! Cindy Wrote: Lucas: (sigh) Well, Indy, show your stuff. Nowhere near as great as a Jedi, but it'll have to do... Cindy: I thought you left in a huff. Lucas: Er...I came back. Cindy: Ah. I'm glad you've realized that having your characters killed doesn't have to make you a crybaby. After all, Mark's original characters have all been destroyed, mostly in ridiculous and humiliating ways. Yet he's still here, deus ex uranium notwithstanding. Mark: (gritting his teeth) Yes, and I'm not annoyed in the least. Cindy: Anyway, Indy's heading into the thick of things, which means Ender's gang and Rand. Robert Jordan: And Rand, thinking perhaps that this fedora-clad fellow is a new member of Ender's motley crew, prepares to Weave threads of fire against his new foe. He cries out, "I am the Dragon Reborn! I must not be destroyed, for only I stand between the world and the Dark One at Shayol Gh-" Cindy: And Indy wearily rolls his eyes, draws his gun and shoots Rand dead. Lucas: Ha! And it's all thanks to the fact that Harrison Ford had dysentery the day of the shoot. Cindy: Er -- a little too much information, George. In any case, with Rand dead the group now turns their attention to defeating Indy. Ender, having studied him beforehand, warns the others that his whip is as much a danger as his gun. This information comes just a little late for Fawkes, who is lassoed to the ground and then shot. He emerges as a fledgling from his pile of ashes, but Indy doesn't notice, having set his attentions on the others. By now Ender has organized his team into position, with Shrek and Neo on either side of Indy and Ender himself atop a nearby junk heap, creating make shift ammo from scrap metal. Indy is quick, but Neo is quicker -- but what's this? Neo's hands have turned to bananas once more. Neo: Whoa! It's that Loki dude again! Tolkien: That's right -- the mischievous little god has returned. Lucas: As have you, I notice. Tolkien: Er...ahem. So Loki begins wreaking havoc Cindy: Though Neo tries to bend the Matrix back to his own reality, Loki's powers are simply too chaotic for him to keep track of. Now he's changed Neo's head to a giant spoon. Loki: Heehee! There is no spoon! There is no spoon! Neo: Mmmm! Mhhhmmm!!!! Loki: Eh, I'm bored of you. Cindy: With that, he conjures up a giant bowl of cereal and sends Neo crashing into it. Within minutes, Neo's head is back to normal and the bowl is gone, but alas...he's suffcated. Or drowned...it's hard to say. Loki, meanwhile, prances over to Shrek, pulls a ukulele out of nowhere and begins singing off-key. Shrek covers his ears in agony. Shrek: Stop! Stop, you stupid, irritating - Cindy: A moment later, something strikes Loki in the chest and he explodes. As the smoke clears, Ender's figure is seen atop the junk pile, looking grimly on his handiwork. Ender: I stopped it for you. Sorry that you didn't live to see it. Cindy: For his makeshift ammo was so volatile, it destroyed not only the Norse god but Shrek and Indy as well. The newborn Fawkes narrowly escaped by hopping away beforehand on his tiny feet - his wings aren't quite ready to support him yet. Brooding that he has been a part of such violence, Ender rests his head in his hands and gives himself a moment before seeking more friends or foes. But what of the others? Well, Loki was busy in the other side of junkyard as well. Sailor Moon is now dressed in a shabby burlap sack, running about in a panic. "Where are my pretty clothes?" She screams. "How can I be Sailor Moon without my pretty clothes!?" Pyro's hair is on fire and he can't seem to stop it no matter how he tries. When the magic wears off, he seizes his powers in a fury and tosses fire at Sailor Moon, who is too much in ecstasy over her returned wardrobe to notice. Sailor Moon: AiIee! My hair! My beautiful, beautiful hair! Cindy: For now it is her tresses that are aflame. Too distracted to stop, drop and roll, she is soon suffering from severe third-degree burns and goes into shock. Pryo leaves her writhing form in disgust. And then he finds Ender, who aims his weapon at him but then must duck to avoid the hurtled fireball. It's duck and dodge for some time until, at last, Ender's weapon becomes ignited by a stray flame and he has to toss it away to avoid being blown to smithereens. Pyro laughs triumphantly and readies another fireball. Ender: There's something you ought to know before you kill me. About the last opponent you'll be facing... Pyro: You're lying. We're the only two left! Cindy: So he sends out the fireball, and Ender is left to burn, the words "A phoenix cannot be burned to death" dying on his lips. Now it is just Fawkes and Pyro, and though the phoenix is still a young one, Pyro's skills will prove fairly worthless against it. Tolkien: So fantasy will win out over sci-fi. Lucas: Since my work is also fantasy, I have no argument. Tolkien: Oh. All right. Cindy: Do I take it you're actually agreeing again? Lucas: Just get on with it. Cindy: 'Kay. So, Pyro encounters Fawkes, attempts to crisp him, and instead finds himself looking at another phoenix hatchling. Bewildered, he throws more and more fire, but Fawkes just keeps being reborn. If he had only listened to Ender, he might try something like scattering the ashes before Fawkes can hatch anew, but it's too late, and now he's too angry to do anything but keep the fire growing. Now every flammable item in the junkyard is aflame, and Fawkes just keeps coming, looking sadder every time. At last, the flames rise beyond Pyro's control and consume him. Fawkes is alone, a frail hatchling, singing a woeful phoenix lament. Here's the final finale sum-up RJ: Neo Mark: Indiana Jones Brian: Sailor Moon Carol: Sailor Moon Robert: Indiana Jones Joey: Loki Cindy: Fawkes So with two votes each the winners of the 2005 Rumble are Indiana Jones and Sailor Moon. Neo, Loki and Fawkes also tie for 2nd place with one vote each. Congratulations. |