A Simple Act of Faith Chapter 9

Angel sighed when he entered the karoke bar.  He knew the voice as soon as he walked it.

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years.*

Angel looked to the stage.  Darla was sitting on the stool and singing.  He always loved her voice.  It was one of the reasons Angelus stayed with her even after she betrayed him several times.

Even now, despite his having a soul, sometimes he missed her.  He missed feeling the security of having her near.

Darla finished her song to cheers.  She saw him and smiled, then got off stage and made her way over to him.  When she did, the host took the stage.

“Wasn’t she fabulous?  Let’s call her the vampire who always has a plan.  Now let’s give it up to Alluck, the destroyer of all things holy.”

“Hello, Angelus,” Darla said and smiled.

“Darla.”

“It’s been a while.”

“Not long enough,” Angel retorted.

Darla chuckled.  “You know you can’t touch me here.  That’s what the green guy said.  No violence, no weapons.”

“I’m aware of that,” Angel said.  “I don’t plan to stake you here.”

“I only came here to sing.  Contrary to popular belief, I did not come here for you.  I’ve been in Los Angeles for a while and I still had no desire to see you.”

“Because you knew I would stake you again.”

“There’s no cheerleader here for you do that for.”

“No, but there are other people to protect.”

“She doesn’t want you.  Even I know that.  That’s why you’re here and she’s still in Sunnydale. I’m sure the celibracy isn’t good for the relationship.” Darla smiled.  “If you’re with me, I won’t make that judgment.”

“Nope, you’d just make me kill babies.”

“Times have changed Angelus,” she replied and smiled.  “There’s apparently a study that says that the longer a woman waits, the less likely she’ll find a man.  I’m not as choosy now that the master is dead and I just spent several thousand years in hell.”

“Darla, get with the program,” Angel said and chuckled.  “That was just anti-feminist rhetoric.  It was made up.”

“I love feminists, all that strength, makes their blood so much sweeter.  Too bad you missed their sweet blood or did you have a little when you got to be Angelus?”

“I didn’t miss it.  I wasn’t dead like you and I don’t mean dead as in hell, I mean dead as in having no soul.”

“But you were in hell for a bit—too bad we didn’t run in to each other.”

Angel did not reply.  He very vague memories of his time in hell.  Most of it came in short nightmares.

“So you came here to sing?  I find that funny,” she said and chuckled slightly.  “I remember when you sang in a tavern once.  You had to kill everyone there because they booed you.”

“You can be terrible here,” he explained.  “They can boo you, but that’s not the point of coming here.”

Darla touched the side of Angel’s face.  “Forget about guidance.  I can make it all better.  I knew exactly how to make it better.  If only I had known that in 1901.  We can have a quick one or something all night long.  It does not matter to me.”

“No thanks.”

Darla smiled.  “I’ll keep in touch anyway.”

“And I look forward to staking you.”

Darla smiled again.  Angel watched her leave the bar.

“Yum—“ the host said, from behind him.  “It must have been difficult staking her.”

“Not really,” Angel replied.

“Here to sing us a song?”

“Yeah—but do I have to get up there and sing.  I’m not looking for any more humiliation tonight.”

“Alright,” the host said and smiled.  “Sing a few bars.”

Angel looked around. He sang really fast and low.

Living on Sponge cake
Watching the Song bake—“**

“Good enough!” the host said, and cringed. “Trust me, I don’t think you need to finish. Especially since I have very simple advice too.  You’re on the right track, pilgrim.  The people you are trying to please, they got their own issues to get through and believe or not, it has little to do with you.  Angelus may be the instigator, but it’s their own problems that are keeping them from forgiving you.”

“That’s it.”

“Be wary of them.  Some of them are off their path and it may make them do things they really shouldn’t do.  Unlike you, they’re desperate.”
 

Faith went to Alex’s office instead of home.  She was feeling a little despondent over Spike and Dru winning.  She wanted to be with Lindsey.

His apartment was dark, pitch black.  Faith turned the light on in the living room.  It had not changed.  It was still filled with Cordelia’s things.

Lindsey must be sleeping.  She wanted to crawl into bed with him, so she would feel comforted.  Despite their recent problems, she still felt comfort around him.

She moved to the bedroom.  The streetlights gave her enough illumination to see that Lindsey wasn’t in the room.

She turned on the light.

Just like the living room, Cordelia’s presence dominated the room.  All of her things were here.  Faith opened the closet.  All of her clothes were still hanging there.  All of her pictures were on the wall.  Her dresser was covered with her hairbrush and make up.

She knew it, but she hadn’t wanted to admit it.  Lindsey was not getting any better.  He was absolutely refusing to let go of Cordelia.
 

Angel sighed for the third time this evening. He had come back home to find someone waiting for him.

It was Lindsey who was sitting on his couch.  Doyle and Angel did not move for a minute.

“Lindsey—“ Doyle said, stunned.  He walked over to his friend.  “Lad, you look absolutely frazzled.”
Lindsey smelled strongly of booze.

Lindsey got off from the couch.

“I got something to say to him,” Lindsey said, staring straight at Angel.

“You’ve been drinking, lad,” Doyle said, grabbing Lindsey’s shoulder. “You talk to him while you’re sober.”

“Drunk, sober,” Lindsey said, pulling away from Doyle.  “It’s the same thing I want to say.”

Angel got a little mad, but he kept it in.  He kept telling himself it was okay for Lindsey to be mad at him.  He just didn’t like the martyr behavior.

“Alright Lindsey, speak your peace.”

“I hate you.”

“Okay,” Angel said.  “I got that picture when we met in the karaoke bar a few weeks ago.”

“I wanted you to know that I will never forgive you murdering Cordelia.  Never, do you understand that?”

Angel nodded.

“You’re a vicious killer and you deserve to be dead, not her.  You don’t even deserve to help other people.“

“Are you finished?” Angel said, with annoyance in his voice.

“Not even close,” Lindsey spit. He held back his tears, he was more angry at Angel’s lack of sympathy.  He did not want Angel to see his tears.  He did not want him to be Angelus, he just wanted him dead.

“Well, before you go on, let me give you some friendly advice.”

“Well, I don’t want it!” Lindsey yelled.

“You come here, you insult me in my home, I deserve a chance to reply.”

“You deserve nothing,” he said.  “You heard what I said.  Stay away from me—stay away from Faith, stay the fuck away from people.  They don’t want your help.  It’s better for everyone if you crawled in a hole and died.”

“Faith is my advice!” Angel yelled back as Lindsey was leaving.  “You keep going like this, you’re going to lose her.  She’s a good girl, Lindsey.  And unlike you she’s trying!”

Lindsey stopped for a moment at the door and took a deep breath.

“Lad, he’s right.  You’re on the path of destruction if you don’t accept Cordy’s death,” Doyle said, “you gotta let her go.”

“Stay away from us,” Lindsey said and quickly left.

Angel sat on the couch when the door swung shut.

“Don’t worry,” Doyle said.  “He’s just angry.  You’re gonna help a lot of people.”

Angel shook his head.  “Darla is right.  I can’t make any good of this.  It was better when I was Angelus.  Things were so much simpler.”

“You really think things are better with her?”

Angel shook his head, but he wasn’t sure he believed it.  Just one moment and then everything would become easier again.

“Come on,” Doyle said.  “You don’t believe it?”

“I never told you about the conversation I had with Buffy before we headed out here.”

“You say that you want to work things out.”

“She said that she never wanted to see me again.  She wanted nothing to do with me.  She told me I wasn’t a man, that Riley—he was a man who didn’t have secrets.  That he wasn’t selfish.”

“She’s just upset.  What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“Was it?” Angel said.  “It was the curse.  There had to be some way to break it.  I should have learned everything about it.  Protected myself from it. I should have known I could never have happiness.  I should stay away from all people or at least arm’s length. I should have never fallen for Buffy.”

“No, Angel.  You have to help people, not stay away from them,” Doyle said. “That’s why the powers saved you.”

“I knew.  Somehow after a 100 years of turning my back on humanity even when I did have a soul, I knew.  I wasn’t slated for happiness.  Even before I was turned.”

“Angel,” Doyle said.  “You are important.  Perhaps happiness will come later on, when you’ve paid for what you’ve done.”

“How?” he demanded, his voice depressed.  “You saw what happened with Lindsey and with Gunn.”

“People need time before they will accept help from someone they don’t like.”

“No one wants my help,” he retorted.

“I do,” said a female voice from the door.

Angel and Doyle looked up.  Faith was standing by the door.  She seemed unsure where she wanted to move.

“What?  You here to insult me too?”

Faith shook her head.  She did not know what to say.

“What is it lass?” Doyle asked, sensing Faith’s distress.

“I need your help,” she admitted.

“With what?” he said, he still felt anger from before.  He hated that Lindsey brought up terrible emotions.

“Spike and Drusilla,” she admitted.  “I can’t handle them.”

“Well, what about your other friends.  The ones you can trust?” Angel asked, with a little bit of sarcasm in his voice.

“Angel,” Doyle said to try to get rid of the tension.  “Don’t be mean.  You know very well what’s going on in Faith’s life.  And you should also know that she’s been cutting you the most slack.  Give her a break.”

“I just got a visit from your boyfriend,” Angel said. “He told me to go to hell and that he wanted to send me there.”

“He’s pissed,” she explained, quietly.

“Don’t make excuses for him.  He’s heading for a downfall of epic proportions.”

“He’s right,” Doyle said, more gentle.  “He looked terrible when I saw him.”

“Will you help me stop Spike and Drusilla?  Lindsey’s my problem.  I’ll take care of him.”

“Yes,” Angel said.  “I’ll help you stop Spike and Dru.”
 

“You’re here early,” Holland said, entering Gavin Park’s office.  “Or late.”  Holland noticed that there was someone standing by the window.  By the thin frame, Holland could tell it was Darla.  He thought that she had gone home.

“Hello, Darla,” Holland said.

“Darla and I were just hashing out living arrangements,” Park explained.  “She wants something with a view.”

“Give her anything she wants.”

Darla spun around.  “Hello Holland.”

“I thought you’d be home by now.  The sun will be up soon.”

“I was wondering what you had in store for that boy,” Darla said.  “You aren’t really going to bring his wife back?”

“We couldn’t even if we wanted to, but we don’t.  The spell we will be doing is a very special one which we need a souled human for.”

“You can always use Angelus.”

“It would be to crowded. Mr. McDonald is about to play host to something quite horrible that will kill the slayer and many many more people.”

“And what of Angelus?  What if he fails to drive him to me?”

“That’s your department,” Holland explained.  “But judging by how you finagled  Lindsey, I’m pretty sure you could do it.”
 

Faith arrived home later than she usually did from patrols.  She wasn’t surprised to find Lilith waiting for her.  Faith usually came home around dawn or earlier.  This time it was closer to 10.

“Faith?” Lilith asked.  There wasn’t anger in her voice.  It sounded more like concern.

“Hey—“ she replied.  “I had a long night.”

“I was worried.  Usually when Slayers don’t come home by dawn it means—“

“I know what it means,” she said, brushing off her concern.  “Listen, I’m okay.  I’m just beat.  There were a lot of vamps tonight and then I was starved afterwards.  Didn’t notice the time.  Can we train later tonight?”

“Oh course.”

Faith nodded and began heading towards her room.

“Faith?”

Faith turned back around.

“What?”

“I’ve spoken to the council.  They can make plans for you to move to New York as soon as you are ready.”

“I appreciate it,” she replied, looking down.  “But I got a new problem I have to take care of here.”

“What?”

“Spike and Drusilla.  Every night they’ve been massacring more and more people.”

“Can’t—Can’t he handle it?  After all they are his offspring.”

“Not these two.  They’re trouble and they have something in store for him and I have to make sure they don’t undo all we sacrificed in the past year.”

“Faith—There are to many hardships here.  You need a fresh start.”

“I don’t run away from my problems—Listen—I’m exhausted.  Can we talk about this later.  Right now I’m staying in LA until I get rid of Spike and Drusilla.”

“Oh,” Lilith said.  “All right.”
 

Faith got to her bedroom and shut the door.  Instead of going to sleep, she picked up the telephone.  When she heard the dial tone, she dialed Lindsey at home.  The phone rang until the machine picked up playing Cordelia’s cheery voice.  Faith hung up the phone deciding she did want to leave a message.  She picked up the phone again.  She dialed Alex’s office.  Alex picked up on the first ring.

“Taylor Investigations,” she said.

“Hey, Alex, it’s me Faith.”

“Hey,” she replied.  “What’s up?”

“I’m calling to tell you I probably won’t be in.  I had a late night.”

“That’s no problem,” Alex replied with no enthusiasm in her voice.

Faith paused.  “Say Alex.  Is Lindsey there?”

“Lindsey, no—he’s late.  He’s usually here around 9.”

“I was there last night.  I don’t think he ever came home.”

“I don’t think he did either.  Do you think he’s in trouble?”

Faith knew that Alex must be thinking about what happened to Wesley.  He never got home either, but she knew Lindsey’s state of mind and that he wasn’t the chief target of Wolfram and Hart anymore, she and Angel were.  She knew he had gone out for a drink or to the Karoke bar.

“Yes—but it’s not what you think.  I’m worried about him.  He’s seems to be getting worse every day.”

“I noticed.”

“Look I’m bushed.  Call me when Lindsey comes in, but don’t tell him I’m looking for him.”

“Okay.  I promise.”

“Goodnight, Alex.”

Alex laughed, but it had no soul.
 

Gunn also got back late from the hospital.  Veronica had stablized and they had  kicked him out.  He planned to get a few hours of sleep and then head back the next morning..

“Yo, Gunn!” one of his friends yelled when he entered one of the buildings they called home.  “White bread is here to see you.”

“What?”

Gunn followed his friend to another room where Lindsey stood waiting for him.

“You live better here than when I was growing up,” Lindsey said, staring at the dirty floor.

“We try,” Gunn said.  He noticed that Lindsey smelled strongly of booze, but seemed to be acting sober. “So what do you want?”

“You start on him yet?”

Gunn paused.  Veronica would be okay thanks to Doyle and Angel.  He knew that, yet he could not help but think of Alonna.

“He was following me last night,” he explained.  “Said it was from a vision.  Told me he was doing to this to help me.  That he wanted to make up for things.  He—He and Doyle saved me from some vamps.”

“Gunn—It shouldn’t matter what he does.  Token gestures aren’t going to bring Alonna or Cordelia back.”

“I know—I sent him packing,” Gunn said.  He got a little annoyed.  Saving him was not a token gesture.  In fact if he didn’t despise Angel, Gunn would have owed him.  “What about you?”

“I was waiting for him when he got home.  I ripped him a new asshole,” he said and laughed.

Gunn looked at him strangely.  “I didn’t know this involved breaking and entering.  We were just supposed to tell him to leave LA when we crossed paths.”

“He needed to know he’s never forgiven,” Lindsey said.

Gunn sighed.  There was something about Lindsey’s behavior he didn’t like.  He was like his behavior last May when he seemed suicidal.  He suspected that Lindsey had more in mind for Angel than driving out of town.
 

Chapter 10

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