[ Dwelling Of The Doorknobs ]

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Science has to be the single most fun class in the entire universe *cough cough* so I have devised a scheme to make this dull class actually enjoyable. And you get credited for doing good work! Too good to be true? For you idiots, yes, for [Brittykins] and I, of course not. To do this you simply take a dull question and multiply it by 3 add 2 ,  answer it funnily and voila! Fun.

Example One - Some examples of this great scheme -

When told to imagine you are a biologist going on a field trip and writing up results, this happened:

2/5 - Arrived at some weird mountain place in Canada. Put up tent, tent fell down. Decided to sleep out under the stars. Some bastard* stole my sleeping bag, seems Taita is not so far from here after all.  Some bugs gnawed off my big toe.

3/5 - Heard a goat being attacked by wolves last night. Cried a bit. Went to have some bacon, unfortunatly the bugs had got to it first. Went fishing to catch me some dinner. This fish kept jumping up and eating bugs off the surface of the water...Then it got eaten by a bear. Water was a tad cold, perhaps it is not usual to spear fish in Canada, we're not in Kansas (or New Zealand)  anymore Toto.

4/5 - Had a pet bug, his name was Larry and he was a Pisces. Unfortunately birds here in Canada like the taste of bugs called Larry. Had a funeral for Larry, a moose came to mourn. Then we ate some grass together. It was great. The moose was my new best friend. The bugs at the funeral ate lichen.

5/5 - Me and my moose buddy got eaten by wolves. It was not funny. I wish I could've been round to see if he started singing "Hungry like the Wolf"......

THE END...

And my science teacher wrote "Great work Nicole, you made me laugh - Very well written - Great science ideas..."

See, good comments.

Example Two - When the question in the book (requiring a one sentence answer) asked if an animal can be both a competitor and a consumer of another species.

Yes, suppose there is a bear, he is a Capricorn and an Omnivore. This bear (Bear One to avoid confusion) is walking along and he sees a bird eating some berries. So as the fish in the lake have been poisoned by heavy metal** (safety pins are quite hard to digest) he decides to eat the bird. This bird was rather a large bird (like on Sesame Street but not yellow) as he had been eating lots of berries. After eating the bird Bear One realised that the contents of the birds stomach were rather delectable. So he ate the berries and some rape (a type of bird seed) and lived happily ever after.

The Moral Of the story - Organisms can be consumers and competitors. Woot!

I will add [Brittykins]'s answers soon...

Watch this space!

*Actually said Evil Person in the answer.

** Our teacher had just finished telling us that when fertilizer runs off the ground into the lake the lake can get poisoned by heavy metal (iron etc) which of course we found funny.