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Spider-Man (2002) starring Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, Willem Dafoe, etc.
Being a life-long Spider-man fan and having heard about the making of this as far back as 1995, it was with GREAT anticipation that I awaited to see this when the release date was finally announced. I waited in a mile-long line-up just after midnight upon its opening and I must say it was worth every second of it. You really have to be a loyal fan (of which there are many, unsurprisingly) to have loved it this much, because I tell ya, I nearly wept it was

that good. Oh sure, it had a few corny parts I could've done without like the obligatory save-the-stunned-kid-from-falling-object(s) shot and that bit with the cable car full of people throwing stuff at the Green Goblin shouting drolleries like, "You mess wit' Spidey, you mess wit' New Yawk! You mess wit' all a' us!". Regardless, this is a movie about a comic book superhero, so realistically some disbelief is required suspended. Probably the best superhero flick ever made (and no 'Daredevil' isn't even close). I didn't even mind the natural spinnerets they gave him instead of the mechanical ones from the comic. This is something EVERY Spider-man fan should see. 'Nuff said.

"What, NO ALPO?! I''ll moider
ya's, ya stingy bastich!"

Dog Soldiers (2002) starring Sean Pertwee,
Kevin McKidd, Liam Cunningham, Emma Cleasby, etc.
This is a British film about a company of soldiers holing up in a farmhouse somewhere in a remote countryside that's being attacked by werewolves. The script is so-so, but the acting's decent enough, as were the FX. Perhaps not the best werewolf flick I've seen, but worth checking into all the same. Rent or buy this today if you're a fan of guys who salivate and get all warm and fuzzy over seeing a full moon.

The Breed (2001) starring Adrian Paul, Bokeem Woodbine, Bai Ling, etc.
At first glance, I thought this might suck 'cuz I really can't stand Adrian Paul (from the ultra-crappy 'Highlander' TV series). The story: An American FBI agent (Woodbine) is sent on assignment to a small Eastern European city where he is to assist in a touchy murder investigation. It seems the local vampire populace has come out and let themselves be known and to be able to mix into mortal society, they agree to feed off a synthetic blood substitute instead of the locals. Only thing is, some vampires don't wanna get with the program and now the agent must team up with a vampire cop (Adrian Paul) to bring them to justice. To complicate things, Woodbine's character becomes involved with a

seductive vampiress (Bai Ling, the Asian chick from 'The Crow') whom he later suspects to be involved in a conspiracy hatched by the bad vampires. A lot of great locations and sets, but they're wasted on this sorry excuse for a vampire movie because of its bad-comic-book-like story and the atrocious over-acting of Bokeem Woodbine. This had the potential to be a great flick but fell flat on its face because of a poor script and poorer casting choices. Peeeyew!

Almost as 'cheese-poopsian' as "Dracula 2000". A close second.

C.H.U.D. (1984) starring John Heard, Daniel Stern and Christopher Curry, etc.
This little B-grade gem brings back many a memory of horror flicks I enjoyed (well, the better ones anyway) back in the glorious '80's (#$%*, I feel old!). The story of vagrants living in the subways and sewers of New York who are becoming hideous creatures with a craving for human flesh. John Heard (Cat People) plays a photographer who, alongside a soup-kitchen cook played by Daniel Stern (one of the 'Wet-Bandits' from "Home Alone") , discover that the state Nuclear regulations people have been storing their waste under the city for years. What ensues are scenes of our heroes running their arses off trying to escape the clutches of what the Nuclear regulations people call "C.H.U.D.s" (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers). Far superior to its inconceivably awful sequel. Hey! Speaking of which......

"I knew I should'a taken that left turn at Albuquerque!"

C.H.U.D. 2 (1988) starring Robert Vaughn, Brian Robbins, Gerrit Graham, Jack Riley, Trisha Leigh Fisher, etc.
Y'know, I've seen Robert Vaughn in some fairly good movies, so its beyond me why he'd consent to appear in something this utterly idiotic. Here we have a prime example of why sequels should not be made, especially when its clear that their producers are only interested in making money, not art. How doth this movie blow chunks? Let me count the ways...For beginners, far from being a Horror movie, "C.H.U.D. 2: Bud The Chud" is a brainless teen-buddy comedy with a heavy sprinkling of some newer kind of CHUD: A grey-skinned zombie with bad teeth and a more human, almost friendlier side to them. Excuse me whilst I groan in complete exasperation...AAARGH! Gack! What the #@$%?!? What money-grubbing, uber-moronic pooftah dreamed this fecal matter up? Throughout the film, we're treated to scenes of two teenage doofuses running around trying to hide their "pal", Bud the Chud, from their parents while a high-ranking military officer (Robert Vaughn) is trying to capture Bud so he can use him to create a super-army of C.H.U.D.s...Trust me, it gets worse! When Bud gives his chums the slip, he wanders all over town creating new C.H.U.D.s who greet each other with whip-smart comments like, "Tastes great! Less filling! ( a play on the old 'Bud-Lite' commercial)". Oh please, stop. My sides are aching from all this tomfoolery. Ha-Ha. Ha-Ha. Why there's even a lame "credit rock" band playing their own personal ode to Bud. SWELL! Seriously, if this utter waste of brain cells was any worse, it'd be criminal. It gets the Lady Jane "Cheese Poopsy" film-of-the-year award. STINK-AYYY!

And the winner of the absolutely CRAPPIEST movie ever made goes to...(drum roll)...

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Ed Gein (2001) starring Steve Railsback, Carrie Snodgrass, Carol Mansell, Steve Blackwood, Craig Zimmerman, etc.
This film is based on the true-life account of the exploits of one Ed Gein; bizarre killer, grave-robber, necrophile and collector of nifty doo-dads like people's skins and sex organs back in 1957. I say based because there're a few creative liberties taken, but for the most part is accurate from what I've read about him. Steve Railsback does a pretty killer job portraying the awkwardly shy and creepy handyman with an extreme Oedipal complex. This is the guy who inspired such films as "Psycho", "Deranged", "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Silence of The Lambs". I really liked this. I found it to be one of the better serial killer films I've seen. Worth picking up.

The Legend of Hell House (1973) starring Roddy McDowall, Pamela Franklin, Clive Revill and Gayle Hunnicut
There's nothing I like better than a good ghost story and this one's a classic! The story deals with a group of would-be ghost hunters who decide to investigate and possibly get rid of an evil, malevolent spirit haunting a spooky old mansion called "Hell House". After having a number of frightening incidents take place, scientist and lead skeptic (Clive Revill), decides to utilize a souped-up machine to dissipate what he dismisses as a mere "anomalous energy field" and ends up just pissing said spirit off. Numerous creepy moments, decent acting and an interesting story with a twist ending made this a thoroughly enjoyable film to watch. Great to watch late at night with all the lights off. Good stuff!

Alien: Resurrection (1997) starring Sigourney Weaver, Winona Ryder, Ron Perlman, Brad Dourif, etc.
Although this movie had some great ideas and was shot in the same slick Sci-fi style as the other three previous "Alien" movies, the dopey script and less-than-subtle political correctness of it truly sucked. Winona was annoying as the pushy android, but not nearly so much as the token dread-locked guy and an even more baffling crippled guy in a mechanized wheelchair who by rights should've been killed several times throughout

the film but somehow miraculously survived to the very end. Uh-Huh. Riiiight. When anyone else got sprayed with molecular acid, they died horribly or were at least horribly disfigured, but when some of it lands on the cripple, he gets to go Rambo and start blasting away at the alien above him and not even once appears to be burned by what should've been a deadly spray of the stuff? PUH-LEASE! This film had its moments (I liked the creepy alien/human hybrid near the end), but they really should've stopped at the third film. GO TIMMY! YIMMAY-YAW-YAW!

"In space noone can hear you groan..."

The Lord of The Rings - The Two Towers (2002) starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Liv Tyler, Christopher Lee, etc.
I f#%$'n loved the first movie, "The Fellowship of The Ring" and this one was every bit as good, if not better in terms of action. To truly appreciate these films, you have to read the entire LOTR trilogy which I did while I impatiently waited for this to be released and I'm happy to report that Peter Jackson has remained blissfully faithful to Tolkein's original vision

with only the odd one or two changes made. It would take me waaaay too long to go into even a brief overview of the story, let alone watch (3 arse-numbing hours), but having read the book let me just say that one really has to admire Peter Jackson's dedicated attention to detail. I really loved this flick! If I were to complain about anything, it'd be A) All the whoop-te-doo about Gollum. I'm probably alone in thinking so, but I've been spoiled by the animated version. Sure, the CGI was great and all but I still liked the other Gollum's voice. Whatever...oh yeah! And B) The omission of the entrance to Cirith Ungol in Mordor. Oh well, I guess they're saving that for "The Return of The King". I CAN'T WAIT! The agony of impatience!

Signs (2002) starring Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix and Rory Culkin.
I was immediately intrigued when I first heard about this movie. Having a great deal of respect for Mel Gibson's work (especially after witnessing the spectacular and exceptionally bloody 'Braveheart'), I was curious about this particular Sci-fi flick. "Signs" turned out to be an interesting Sci-fi invasion story using the crop-circle phenomenon as its base. At first Gibson, playing an ex-reverend who'd recently denounced his faith after the accidental death of his wife, thinks the circles are hoaxes performed by local farm-boys seeking publicity (which in reality are exactly what they are--those goofy farm-boys! Hyuk! Hyuk!). However, later on as Graham Hess (Gibson)

and his brother Merrill, played by Joaquin Phoenix (the evil emperor from 'Gladiator') sit glued in front of their TV, it becomes frighteningly apparent that the circles are for real as dozens of them pop up simultaneously all the globe. Next as Merrill sits there watching the news, a glimpse of one of the aliens is caught on video and broadcasted worldwide. Up until this point, Graham is determined to deny the validity of it all; that is, until he encounters one of the creatures trapped in the pantry of the man that killed his wife. Finally convinced, he and Merrill board up the house and spend a terrifying evening holed up in their cellar with the Rev's two small children, while the aliens smash their way into the house and try to get at them. I won't spoil the ending for you, but I will say its a climactic one. An enthralling film to say the least. Buy or rent it today.

Cabin Fever - (2003) Starring Jordan Ladd, Rider Strong, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent, Joey Kern, Arie Verveen, Joe Adams.
A harkening back to the glory days of late 70's/early 80's Horror is what you can expect from Eli Roth's Cabin Fever. This reminded me a lot of Friday The 13th, only with heavy doses of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre thrown in. The only difference being that instead of a disgruntled slasher getting pissed off 'cuz he's not gettin' any, we get a horrible virus that's a deadly mix of ebola and the flesh-eating bacteria. When a bunch of beer-swilling, horny teenage party animals venture into the woods to party hearty at a secluded

cabin, one of them stumbles upon a diseased bum oozing blood and pus out of every pore. Scared for his life, the dopey jock-dude shoots the guy in a panic and leavcs him for dead. That night, while they kick back in front of a bonfire, the very infected and slightly pissed off bum shows up uninvited and tries to steal the teens' truck to find help, only to get blasted by gunfire and set aflame. Next we see the diseased homeless flambe' shrieking off into the forest, who with his last breath, manages to fall into the local town reservoir. Later we see Karen (Jordan Ladd) drinking some infected water and in no time the fun begins. Slowly, one-by-one, the group gets infected with the voracious, disfiguring disease. Women get eaten by an insane dog, rednecks seek bloodthirsty revenge, people get blown to bloody Swiss cheese. All great stuff until the absolutely DOPEY ending featuring the rustic, crusty shopkeep at the general store. This was the only thing that kinda killed it for me. Otherwise, not too bad. Certainly one of the better Horror films to come out in recent years. It just might be worth a peek...