I once thought that the media was full of clueless people who have no opinion and no importance in this world. I now know this to be true. How? Well, I was just hired to write for a newspaper. The following includes articles that I've wrote for this one year job. Some published (most not), but all deserving a closer look.
Money. Everyone wants it, few people have most of it, and the Government is wasting all that they have. Money is the driving force for Americans in the 21st Century. The clink of falling change is one of the most recognized sounds in the world.
Adults use money for the things they need - Food, Heat, Clothes, etc. Teens also use money for things they "need" - Nike Shoes, Stereos, CDs, Dating, etc. I have found a great way to get all the money for the things I need, it's called Dad's wallet.
Unfortunately, that well has run dry, and now I am faced with the reality of getting a real job for the summer, so I can earn my own money.
"But where can I get my job?" I ask myself. A very popular choice with teens is the fast food industry. There are many people who believe that they are too good to work in the fast food industry. I was one of them, until I heard a story about a skinny nerd, whose first job was at a neighborhood fast food eatery. This nerd turned out later in life to be Bill Gates, a man who can now always super-size his fries.
To work in the food industry I must first get a "food handler's permit." Which is a small piece of paper that tells a potential employer, that the potential employee has learned that he/she must always wash his/her hands after going to the bathroom. Sadly, this permit comes with a fee attached, a fee I cannot pay, and so I leave the food industry behind.
I continue to think about my job woes, and I consider going to the largest teen employer in Utah, that's right Lagoon! Lagoon is the local amusement park that is practically run by teens, the park is filled with so many hormones it can make you sick (and you thought it was the rides that made you puke). As I continued to think about this option, I decide not to pursue a job at Lagoon for public safety reasons. Not many of you know me, but believe me when I say I am not the guy you want at the controls of The Rocket ("I wonder how fast I can shoot the car before it jumps the track?").
I may never find the right job for me, but I feel safe knowing that somewhere out there, there must be a job I can do with out causing a reason for "public concern." Until then, I guess I'll just have to fend for myself.
While I'm talking to you, can I borrow a few bucks?
Additional: When I got the job as at TX I had to create a Bio (short biography). This Bio has run with all my article that have been published.
Don Eisenbarth is a senior at Layton High School. The Intermountain Man of Mystery enjoys taking long walks on short piers. He can be reached for questions, comments and cookie recipes at [email protected]. Operators are standing by.
Episode 1- Bias! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Bias! I wrote this on the 25th of July. The day I found out I would be working for the newspaper. This article never was (nor will it ever be) published.
Well, it happend. They someone was insane enough to give me a job, and what a job! See, for the first (and probably the only) time in my life, I get to make a total fool of myself for a living. I am a writer for the local newspaper (the Standard-Examiner). I write in the TX (teen) section. I'm scared for all of you.
Now that I'm writing for a living, I guess I have to raise my writing up to "the next level." You know, a professional, newspaper style of writing. In the newspaper biz, there's a term called "bias" (a latin word meaning: "stuff nobody cares about"). My writing contains enough bias to fill a small country (or Rhode Island, whichever comes first).
To get rid of my "bias" I must first lose all notion that my writing is important (done). Then, I must become a mindless zombie and lose all of my opinions all together. Remember, newspaper writers must be completely objective and tell only the truth...
Now comes the conversion. I have to only write about facts (gasp)... and interview people (gasp)...about the truth (I can't handle the truth)... (long pause).
There...It is completed. I have become a writer of newspaper quality. I have no bias at all, I care about nothing, I know nothing, and I have no opinions at all... Now I can start writing for the paper...
Does anyone have anything I can write about? Back to Top
Episode 2 - Where Did My Summer Go? This article was published on August 26th. I wrote it with another title "Summer is Riding an F-16 This Year" and also with some differences in where paragraphs begin and end. My editor committed this changes. I'm okay with it. I mean that is their job, they are editors, they edit.
There are only 3 certain things in this world: death, taxes, and the fact that I'll have to write a story called "What I Did For My Summer Vacation" in English Class within the first week of school. This year, my English story is going to be rather pathetic.
You see, I woke up at 4 p.m. a couple of days ago and noticed that school is coming faster then you can say: "Why do I need this class anyway? I've never going to use it in real life." I'm worried, because as I remember it, school got out a few weeks ago.
It seems like yesterday that I was able to sleep in on a Monday for the first time. It seems as it was only a few days ago when I got my first sunburn of the year. What was I expecting? It was 117 degrees outside!
Somewhere between the Hollywood Blockbusters, the hundreds of fires, and summer jobs, time got away from me. Now, in the blink of an eye, summer's over, and school's in session again.
One of the more difficult aspects of heading back to school is the fact that I've forgotten everything that I've ever learned. When school ended, I could do complex math, and I knew the difference between an adverb and an adjective, but now that summer's over I can't remember a darn thing. My brain has gone to empty and now has the consistency of Frosted Mini-Wheats that have been left in milk overnight.
What happened to this summer anyway? I went to bed one day, feeling good about the year of school I left behind. Then I woke up one day (or night, depending on how long I slept in) to find out that school is starting in a week. I remember feeling like the end of school would just not come, and now it seems like this summer never happened. I've heard that time flies, but this summer must have taken a supersonic jet. How did it end so fast? Where did my summer go?
Those questions are all unimportant. Now my brain of mush and I have to head back to the hallowed halls of high school (That's called alliteration. Ha! I didn't forget everything from last year!). Gone are the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer. Coming are the days of homework, the days of books, the days of teacher's dirty looks.
Summer is disappearing, just when I started to really enjoy it. I guess I just have to forget about summer, because the school daze has begun. So I'll see you in class, and don't forget to eat your breakfast.
Additional: The first draft of this article had a different title and first paragraph. I changed it because I thought I'd probably get too much bad feedback on the paragraph and the title didn't display the message well enough...
Summer's Last Glow Fades to Darkness
It seems like yesterday that I was signing the yearbooks of people I didn't know. The message I left was always the same, something like "You are the best, let's always keep in touch." Now, in what seems like a few days, summer has ended, and it's time for me to return back to all those people I lied to.
This article was published on December 9th. Meaning, of course, that they must save my works over at the newspaper.
Primetime, just the sound of it makes it seem important. As television goes, there's no time greater than primetime. No wait, there was no time greater than primetime. In the last few years this crown jewel of television has lost its glow, as "must see TV" became "haven't we already seen this TV."
To truly explain what has happened to the gold mines of the TV world, let me compare it to something I know a little about, writing. A writer cannot state that somebody else's work is theirs, that's called plagiarism. If I were to say that I came up with the line "That's no moon, that's a space station" that would be plagiarism. However, a writer can take somebody else's work, change the wording, and then call it their own, that's called paraphrasing. "That space station is no moon" is a paraphrase. Television is becoming very good at paraphrasing, taking a used idea, changing it, and then calling it their own.
For example, a couple years ago there were no game shows on primetime. Then, a show called Who Wants to be a Millionaire came along. Millionaire was a hit, people enjoyed watching other people answer questions for big bucks. Other stations saw the success of Millionaire and decided to create their own big time game shows. In the following weeks such shows as Weakest Link, and Greed were developed. Again these shows had people answer questions for big bucks. There were many other game shows that also came out, the amount of shows led people to become tired of the whole game show genre and now even Millionaire is off the air.
A short time after Millionaire was a hit; a new idea for a television show came. The idea was to send 16 people to a far away place and have them compete with each other for one million dollars. Survivor was born and with it a genre was accepted! "Reality TV." Other stations saw the success of Survivor and decided to create their own big time reality shows. In the following weeks such shows as Fear Factor, Temptation Island, Big Brother, and The Mole were developed. Do I detect a pattern here? It seems to be the policy in television town to take a good idea and run it into the ground.
It actually doesn't end with television either. Remember Spiderman? I think you do, it was the biggest money making motion picture of the summer. Because of the success of Spiderman look in the next few years for practically ever superhero there is to be in the big screen, including the Hulk, Daredevil, the Fantastic Four, and more from Spiderman and the X-men.
The entertainment industry is running out of ideas, and fast. Until the next big thing comes along, we'll just have to be happy with what is on TV. So if you'll excuse me, there's a show with lawyers on tonight right after that one show with the doctors. I can't keep them straight either.
In the course of finding ideas and figuring out exactly what to write, I occationally write some articles for practice. This is one such article. This article was not published.
High school is what you make of it. A very quotable sentence isn't it. Recently I was talking to a very smart friend of mine. My friend shall remain nameless, but for writing purposes I think I'll call him "Flip N. Genius." Flip's a nice guy, with a lot going for him.
Flip and I were talking before school started when Flip told me that he was planning to not have a full schedule. Flip had taken some extra classes in his Sophomore and Junior years and now he only needed to take English and one extra class to graduate, so Flip was planning to take English, another class, and then spend the rest of the day at home. I heard this and got rather exasperated. I think this might be a problem with many students out there so I'll tell you what I told Flip.
High School is cheap education. As far as learning is concerned high school is where you get the most bang for your buck. College is not cheap, by any standards. Your average class will cost you somewhere between $100 - $1500. That's PER CLASS. So if you've got a chance to use high school time to get college credit (i.e. AP classes) go for it, and save yourself a few dollars.
There are many classes offered in high school that can teach you life skills and be useful to you in the "real world." If you have extra classes, don't go home. Take a class where you'll learn something useful. Auto shop, computer classes, writing, business classes, and even cooking are great classes to take if you have extra room in your schedule.
If you still have room in your schedule, then surprise yourself. Take classes that stretch your abilities. Take an extra math class, a person who stops taking math classes is a person who closes the door to opportunity.
Find what out what you really like. Flip is still not sure what he wants to major in, and high school is a great place to learn. Most schools offer some sort of work based study, such as an internship. Find out what you like now so you don't have to switch majors in college (money comes into play again here).
Whatever you choose to do in life, always make sure you have a full schedule and take advantages of every learning opportunity that life gives you. Time spent in school is always more valuable then time at home or work. Now if you'll excuse me, Flip needs some help with his auto shop homework. Back to Top
This wasn't accepted for the Sept. 9th page of the teen page. But I really enjoyed writing this article. I hope you do too. This article was not published.
Near the start of World War II a story came out about a man who picked up a strange woman on his way home from work. The story goes that after the man dropped her off, she read his fortune and stated that "There will be a dead body in your car before you go home, and Hitler will be dead in six months." On the man's way home, a saw a terrible car accident and tried to rush one of the victims to the hospitial in his car but the victim died in route. The rumor spread through America quickly and most American's believed it to be true.
The legend above is called the "helpful stranger" legend. It has appeared in every military conflict from the middle ages on. It's a "modern legend" that gave people hope of a quick end to World War II. Now, half a century later, we have our own stories. Our own legends that bring us hope, and stories that makes it eaiser for us to get through these difficult times.
A few days after the attacks on Sept. 11, a story came out about a man who allegedly curled himself into a ball and "managed to ride parts of the collapsing building down to safety." Another account has the man taking a piece of wood and "surfing" his way down. No such man existed. Another story was about a dog named "Daisy" who saved her owner and 30 other people from the top of the burning tower. Again there was no dog who saved multiple people from the top of the building. These two stories became beacons of hope for the families of people who were on the top floors. That's what some legends do, they give us hope in our darkest hours. (Side note: Two guide dogs did help their blind companions to saftey from the towers.)
This war on terror has brought with it many "warning legends." This legends still show our fraility and fear in these times. One appeared around the beginning of Oct. 2001, when e-mail began circulating about a girl who's Afghan boyfriend sent her a letter on the 10th of Sept. telling her not to go on any airliners on the 11th and not to go to any malls on Halloween. Another story is about a woman who helps an Arab man buy his groceries, the Arab man decides to help her by telling her not to drink soda pop after a certain date. These "warning legends" are a variation of the "helpful stranger" legends written about above. While we believe that the worst is behind us, the treat of another attack leads us to want to be prepared. We hope for pre-knowledge of the next attacks, and so these legends fulfill that want.
No matter what the story is, and what it can teach us about ourselves, legends are a part of humanity. We want to believe that man can always survive, and that we are all inatly good. So we want to believe these stories, and as long as we do believe we have hope. And there's still a chance for us yet.
This article was published on September 30 Somehow, a reader of the TX page got a hold of my phone number. She called me up and yelled at me for being a big idiot, and told me how I didn't know how girls really prepare for school. I began to wonder "How is this person so smart to get my number, but so stupid to not see it's all a joke." Some people, eh?
Here's a real shocker; Guys and Girls are different. Never before was this more apparent to me until this school year started. My sister, a sophomore at Northridge High School, started going to high school this year (that would make a sophomore). When she was going to junior high, I would be leaving as she was waking up, so I never got a chance to see exactly what she does before she goes to school. What an eye-opener it has been now that we get up and have to fight for the bathroom! I decided to investigate so I consulted my friends and ask them how they prepare for school. Now after minutes of study, I have come up with the average guy (who we shall call "Guy") and the average girl (who we shall call "Girl") does before school, minute by minute.
5:00 a.m. Girl - Alarm goes off about 2 and � hours before school start. Girl wakes up and instantly thinks "Eww. I've got morning breath and bed-hair." She then runs for the nearest bathroom and spends the next 15 minutes in the shower. Since it's early, she only sings in the shower at half capacity. It's still enough to wake up half the neighborhood. Guy - Sleeps. If Guy is lucky, he will be in the middle of that reoccurring dream where he is James Bond.
5:15 Girl - Gets out of the shower and spends the next 15 minutes making sure every hair is exactly right. Guy - Still sleeping
5:30 Girl - Sits for five minute to decide which blouse goes best with her blue Jeans. Puts on her shirt. She then realizes that her shirt has moved at least 10 hairs out of order, so she heads to her nearest (but not her only) vanity mirror, and continues to comb her hair. Guy - Still sleeping
5:45 Girl - Puts make-up on Guy - Still sleeping
6:00 Girl - Takes make-up off (made a HUGE mistake and used the Maroon lip-stick rather than the Cardinal Red lip-stick) Guy - The alarm goes off right as James was going to capture Goldfinger. Sharply removed from the dream, Guy throws the alarm against the wall, and falls asleep.
6:15 Girl - Re-applies make-up Guy - Guess what? He's still sleeping
6:30 Girl - Chooses shoes to wear. This can be a long and difficult process. Luckily, it's 55 degrees outside, so that rules out her sandals. Guy - Begins to wake up... then falls asleep.
6:45 Girl - Chooses the mother-of-pearl pumps and heads to have breakfast. Guy - Has a dream where he's sleeping. How ironic.
7:00 Girl - In her silliness, Girl forgot to eat breakfast and then apply her lipstick. She has a piece of toast (declares "I'm full") and then heads back into her bedroom to yet again reapply her make-up. Guy - Wakes up. Grabs the first pair of pants and shirt he can find that doesn't have a ketchup stain on it. And heads up-stairs for breakfast.
7:15 Girl - Her friend drives up, and honks for Girl to know the carpool has arrived. Girl heads out to the carpool, where Girl and 5 of her friends go to school and while on the way, have a stirring conversation on if each other had seen what Sally Simpson wore to Math class yesterday. Guy - Eats cold left-over meatloaf for breakfast. If he feels like it, he might comb his hair (probably not) and then drives himself to school. Real guys don't know the meaning of the word "carpool."
7:20 Girl - Arrives to school, on time. Guy - Arrives to school, the bell ringing as he rushes through the door. He sits in his desk, waits for a second, and then falls asleep.
There you have it, what the average guy and girl does before they go to school. All this writing has made me tired. I think I'll take a nap. Back to Top
Episode 7 - Some Everyday Lessons Prepare Us For Real Life This article was published on Oct. 21. Again, it's not my title, but I guess there's nothing I can do about that anymore.
When I was young, I kept hearing about this thing called "real life." According to all of my parents, teachers, and friends, all of my schooling, kindergarten to senior year, was supposed to get me ready for real life.
How does school prepare us for real life? Preparation doesn't necessarily come from the classroom. Being able to find the square root of a prime number might not affect our well being in the future. The knowledge of the correct way to write a sonnet will probably not be needed in everyday life. (School studies can help you get "careers" in the future, but that's another story.) It's the everyday lessons learned at school that really prepare us for real life. So here are some skills that high school provides you that can help you become ready for real life.
1. The skill of flexibility - This has nothing to do with gym (which, by the way, teaches you nothing about real life). The fact is things are going to happen that you aren't ready for. Or, in other words, you might be ill prepared for an event. Examples include pop quizzes, being asked to a dance, and perhaps leaving all your books at home. You have to able to roll with the punches and take what's coming in stride. Sometimes, things happen that you aren't ready for. (What! The 15-page report was due today! When did this happen?) What's important is the figure out a way to be flexible and still come out on top. Remember that "my dog ate my homework" won't work. (Surprisingly enough, "my printer ran out of ink" will.)
2. The skill of redirecting - At every school, there's some place that always gets crowded between every class periods. It may be in a small hallway, or by a central staircase. There are crowded lunchrooms, and the front door always is packed just after the final bell rings for the day. Wherever is crowed at your school, you quickly learn to avoid that area. You redirect yourself in an alternate route, and you end up getting to your destination quicker. The skill of redirecting will help you in innumerable ways, especially in Utah where (by state law) there must be at least 500 roads closed at all times.
3. The skill of thinking before you speak - This is a skill that many teens (including me) have never even heard of. It's important in the real world to speak your mind. Just not all of your mind, then you might get sued. Take this example, your teacher walks into the room with a bright yellow, green, and brown dress that looks very similar to the "Jello" served at lunch today. Instead of thinking, "You look like a mutated monster threw up on you." First, think and then say, "Your choice of clothing is very inventive today, it looks like a modern artist threw up on you."
Also, make sure that what you say is actually of importance to the people you are talking to. If a girl was to go up to a table with 5 guys sitting around it, and she starting talking about the latest in shoe design, these guys would look at her like a deer caught in a pair of headlights. In the same way, some people do not care about what you had for breakfast or which Backstreet Boy is the cutest. (I think they're all ugly.) So make sure you think about what you're saying before you say it.
When you look around you, you'll notice that school is full of little life, even so many that I can't include then all in this newspaper. These are lessons that can help you become a hard working individual once real life comes around. Until real life actually comes to you and me, just enjoy high school. I'll see you in gym class.
There are only 3 certain things in this world: death, taxes, and the fact that I'll have to write a story called "What I Did For My Summer Vacation" in English Class within the first week of school. This year, my English story is going to be rather pathetic.