Sandbagging the Desert
A random look at life in general.
- Sandbagging the Desert
- We Had Fun
- Crazy and Stupid
- The Bug
- Random Limericks
- The Grand Allusion
- A and I - A disscussion on words
- Read Between the Lines
- International Love Letter
Sandbagging the Desert
As time goes on, I determine that I am a fluke. I really don't matter and that I am a smeg head for thinking that I do. I stop everything, grow old, and then I die a sad and lonely death. I go to heaven (or as atheist call it "nowhere") and meet God (or as atheist say "no one") and tell him about by life (or as atheist call it "that sad existence that has no meaning"). God looks down at me and with a smile says, "Don, you need another chance, so I want you to go down there again and find a way to express yourself."
"Why?" I ask.
Because," God says. "You have something to say. It may not be very meaningful. It may not even be very good, but it's yours, so say it!" With that, God gives me a nice shove and I find myself back in my bed, at my house. I landed back on my 17th birthday.
I look up at my clock and see that it is close to 4-o'clock in the morning, so I go back to sleep. I look up to find myself in the glaring heat of the desert. I stand up to see that there is nothing around but me, an old guy, miles and miles of sand, and a large pile of burlap bags. I walk over to the man and see he has a shovel in his hand.
"Excuse me?" I ask. "What are you doing."
The old guy turns to me and starts laughing in a crackly old manner. "What am I doing!" he says in a Hispanic accent, "I am doing my thing! What are you doing?" He says as he pokes me in the stomach... I hate it when people do that.
"Your thing? What is that?" I continue.
"Heh heh." He chuckles. "I am filling sandbags."
"What for?"
"THE FLOOD." He yells in a happy manner. "What else do you sandbag for?"
"The Flood! FLOOD? You're in a desert! This place doesn't see a drop of rain a year... and your preparing for a Flood!" My voice grows meaner as it grows louder. "What are you THINKING! DON'T YOU CARE what people with think? Don't you know HOW YOU'LL LOOK and WHAT YOU COULD LOSE by doing a crazy thing like this?"
The old man flinches a bit. He stares at me a while. There's a scary calm floating over us; I begin to wonder if I hurt the old man's feelings. After a long time he finally breaks the silence. "I thought it would be funny."
I leave, I can't stand what he's doing, looking like the insane old coot, that he really is. I start to think to myself, "FUNNY! What a crazy old man thinking it would be funny to fill sandbags in the desert, where no one can see... and where only he can... glory in his... insanity..." I turn around back to the old man, and run towards him, as a get closer I speak, "Where you planing on building a wall?"
"A gigantic wall!" The old man exclaims.
"A flood wall, with windows?" A large smile comes over our faces.
"Sure!" the old man said, "Anything goes." We both started laughing. I didn't stop laughing for hours, and all the while I failed to notice the other shovel being placed in my hand, and that I had started to dig.
Well, I helped him. We made a huge floodwall (with windows) in the desert. I woke up and I finally understood what God meant. I do have something to say, something pointless and insane. Hopefully, I can find what that is. Then, I can share it with you... and we can all have joy in insanity. So, today, I begin, to sandbag the desert.
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We Had Fun
(Foi Muito Legualli)
One time I was driving aroung with my friend on a deserted desert road when suddenly we heard a noise like an F-16 that broke the sound barrier directly above me. After my ears stopped ringing i pulled over off the road and stopped the car. "What in all that is good and holy in the middle of a twinkie was that?" my friend asked. "I don't know," I said with a smirk. "Maybe it was a space alien landsing and now he wants us to take him to our leader." My friend turned to me and said wirely "Don, You're a dork!"
We then decided to get out of the car. As we looked around we saw smoke and dust everywhere. Trees were uprooted all around. The crispy crackle of a crushed chrome sign filled the air. As I turned to my friend I said "WOW!" and he nodded to agree with my statement. As we looked down the road, we saw a giant metal orb. It looked like a giant, gray M&M (peanut mind you not regular).
My friend and I ran towards the orb like two cats that had their fur on fire. The orb lied dead at the end of the road. As we ran towards the orb we felt a sense of dread. Suddenly, the door of the orb opened up like the moat to an ancient castle. The door was a lion roaring to announce the magnificent thing that was on the other side. The door opened to reveal a man who looked like you and me... except he had two heads. "Oh!Oh! Look." said one head to another. "Locals!" "We must be nice to locals," the second head said
My mind exploded, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. "Hello!" the first head said. "We are travelers from the planet Zorblat, and we want to meet your leader." The second head said. "Please," the first head said, "come on board."
We walked onto the grey orb. ZIP! The door closed behind us. The aliens wanted to meet our leader, but I thought the President might be too busy, so I convinced him to go to Disneyland instead.
At Disneyland, we rode all the rides all day. It was actually really fun because we used the alien's gun to vaporize the people ahead of us, so there were practically no lines. The aliens really liked Star Tours, but said it was all to fake. "If space was that exciting we'd never land." The first head said. Later that day, we met some girls who said that they would love to have a "cosmic experience," so the aliens took them and left my friend and I stranded at Disneyland.
We started to walk home, and we made it all the way to the Western Nevada desert when suddenly cowboys attacked us. They tied us up and took us to their hideaway in the desert. Well, to make a long story short, we found some pudding, a paper clip, and some rocks and used them to escape and blow up the cowboy's hideaway.
As we finally approached home I noticed that we had been gone for over 3 months. I bet my family was worried. As I walked into the house I expected a warm welcoming, but no one even noticed I was gone...
When anyone asks my friend or me where we were we just say, "we had fun." What we really mean is that we had a lot of fun.
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Crazy and Stupid
Two Words and Their Meanings
CRAZY
CRAZY is not living in a normal way, like everyone else.
CRAZY is running barefoot in the snow.
CRAZY is e-mailing a friend 700 1-word messages, instead of 1 700-word message(Please don't try that with me)
CRAZY is how everyone has to be, sometimes.
CRAZY sounds like 30 minutes of laughter, for no reason.
CRAZY sounds like the plop of you jumping off your roof, again for no reason.
Another word for CRAZY is Wack-o.
One thing about CRAZY is that it brings you the best moments in your life.
STUPID
STUPID is not smart, or at least that's what the dictionary says.
STUPID is forgetting to turn in your 50-page report.
STUPID is slacking off, just because your too lazy.
STUPID is running into brick walls.
STUPID sounds like a continuous string of vulgar words.
STUPID sounds like a car radio with the bass up so loud the car bounces as it goes down the road.
Another word for STUPID is Bonehead.
One thing about STUPID is that it never goes away, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it.
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The Bug
The bug is in the air,
High off the ground.
While the bug is there.
Does it make a sound?
I look at it up in the air.
I watch it fly to here and there!
And then I think, oh me, oh my,
if I could spread my winds and fly!
And so I jump with a leap and a bound,
I cannot fly, I hit the ground.
I get mad; I start to pout;
and then I punch the bug's guts out.
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Random Limericks
I think I'll plant a flower,
And water it every hour.
I'll give it some care,
food and fresh air,
and the fruit on it will not grow sour.
There's a bug lying there in the grass,
I see it as I walk pass.
It heads for the sky,
towards me it fly,
and then it stung me in my... finger
I think I'll live in a tree,
Up high, where no one'll see me.
I'll live all alone,
the sky as my home,
then I'll finally be free.
A bug tried to go for a drink,
by a pond that really did stink.
The pond was my cup,
and when it looked up,
the bug found itself in my sink.
I tried to go to a bar.
I ran, I tried to run far.
Then it came to me,
I'm blind, I can't see,
and I ran into a parked car
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The Grand Allusion
Allusion: reference to other pieces of writing, art, media, etc.
If you�d be my Juliet,
I�d be your Romeo.
Just tell me somehow, someway,
because I�d like to know.
And if you were Big Bird,
I would find no fuss.
I still would be your best friend,
Your Snuffleupagus
And you could be the Jeckel
To my Mr. Hyde,
If you tell me someday
What you did decide.
For if I could only hold you
Guess how things could be,
You could be the White Stuff
In the Oreo that�s me.
Because you�re such a Goddess
Living here on Earth
And I could be your mortal,
For whatever that is worth
You could be my Wilma
And I could be your Fred
And someday we�d have Pebbles
Of course, after we are wed.
If you were Mona Lisa,
For just a little while.
I�d never try to change you.
You know, I love your smile.
Do you know of any Grand Allusions? If so, send them to me and I�ll be sure to add them to this site.
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A and I
A letter has no meaning, except for "a" or "I", but do those actually have meanings. What is the meaning of "a". Does "a" have any purpose? What does "a" work like a mean? Let's examine the word "a". In the sentence "A rhino is standing on a car." What does "a" mean? Does it mean anything at all? If the word "a" meant nothing at all, I could easily take it out of the sentence and the sentence would still make sence, but it doesn't. "Rhino is standing on car..." sounds like a freaking third grader wrote that. Therefore we can conclude that the word "a" does have a meaning. But what does it mean? I looked it up in the dictionary and it said that "a" is the "first letter of the alphabet." That doesn't help me much..."The first letter of the alphabeta rhino is standing on the first letter of the alphabet car..." Now I'm really confused.
The word "I" is even more confusing. Great thinkers have spent years trying to figure out what "I" really is. I know what I am... I am me... or at least I think I am me. Thinking is interesting too, am I thinking or is Don thinking. Am I Don? Or is "I" more than that. Obviously the word "I" has an entirely different meaning for every single person. But can a word have a different meaning for everyone, and if so, how can that word be used in common usage. Is your "I" and my "I" the same thing? Logic suggests that your "I" is you. Therefore, your I has an entirely different meaning than my I. Yet they are both the same word... I. Are you and I the same? Because to you, "I" is you and "you" is me. Therefore, we are the same. Confusing...
If we were to look at the word "I" as a math problem it would look like this.
I = you
you = I
Therefore, I = I
Doesn't make sence... and yet it does. I am I, and you am I, and I am you, and we are all people, the same in everyway.
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Read Between the Lines
To whom it may concern:
Happily you wander on
Internal Loathing, lost and found
Sit still and let life come in.
People wander
On and on
Eternal Questions
Missed Oppertunities
It is time to
Start and begin your change.
Downtroden people,
Universal Sadness,
Maybe we should
Be better to our fellow man.
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International Love Letter
I am sorry for any mistranslations.
Ihre Augen sind also reizend, sind Sie Haar also weich,
liebe ich, nahe Ihnen zu sein und betrachte Sie h�ufig.
Deseo que usted sab�a lo que usted signific� a m�,
solamente entiendo que nos no significan para ser.
Desidero eliminarlo, la mia principessa bella,
a dovunque desideriate, che cosa pu� essere indovinato soltanto.
Vous avez vol� mon coeur il est pour toujours avec vous,
et maintenant je dois toujours, �tre avec vous aussi.
Maio o fogo que eu v em sua alma, em seus olhos,
seja a primeira coisa eu v cada dia em que eu me levanto.
It doesn't matter in which language I say,
The point is I want to be with you each day.
Ich liebe dich
Je t'aime
Eu te amo
Ti amo
Te amo
I love you
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Last Updated: Dec. 07, 2003