if you wanna cut the chase and not read the story (typical deception story) here are the links that will let you jump right in:
aberrant doctrine
cult
reading for adventists
more reading for adventists

            The summer of my junior year in college I was crushed - completely.  I had applied for a missions trip to Kenya: a medical missions trip for students, and was declined.  I had also applied for a travel award for creative writing, I had hoped to go visit the Isle of Capri where Pablo Neruda was exiled to from Argentina.  I was also rejected from that avenue also.  I remember sobbing alone in my room.  Disappointed by all my vain plans, I couldn't understand what God possibly had in store for me.

            Returning home, I realized that it was the perfect time for me to take my MCAT, I had the summer to prepare and I enrolled in a prep course, not trusting my own skills to prepare for the test.  That same day I entered class and looked looked around.  Talking to a newfound friend I whispered to her, "Some people in this class are *old.*"  Old construed of one thirty year old man, one actual nineteen year old that just looked old because of facial hair, and one twenty four year old.

            I became acqainted quickly with two of the "old" people in the class.  I still remember meeting him, the twenty four year old.  Why?  Because he became my boyfriend, my first love.  His name was Andy, and he was, in short my golden boy.  I don't know why I ascribe this term to various guys in my life.  One of my good guy friends from my freshman year I privately called a golden boy also.  Anyhow.  When he smiled, his eyes would get all crinkly.  Of course, this could also stem from the fact that he was old :).  We caught each other's eye in class whenever a funny remark was made and somehow would turn that laugh into something shared.

            I went home that day and told my mom and sister a guy in my class thought I was cute.  It didn't take long for Andy and I to casually lag behind or fortuitously place ourselves in each others way to talk more during break or after class. Once we sat on the trunk of his big old car because we enjoyed talking so much that we didn't want to leave.  The day of the first diagnostic I didn't see him.  My neck cranned around the room trying to capture of glimpse of him.  Later he told me that he had gone to Riverside to take the diagnostic on Sunday because he went to church on Saturday.  That same week, as we were leaving class, walking out to the parking lot and this shiny red eclipse pulls up to the curb with a young woman in it and suddenly Andy said, "That's my ride, bye!"

            Standing there, a bit bemused, I went home that day, threw myself on the bed and cried.  I still ascribe some of that grief to the initial practice score I had gotten on a diagnostic test, however, I just cried and cried not really understanding why I was so disappointed.  The next day, however, due to some of my practicing of being "receptive" I mentioned in Andy's vicinity that I had no one to study with, that no one wanted to spend long hours studying in the summer except for MCAT people.  Andy immediately jumped to the opportunity, "I'll study with you."  "Great." I thought that everything was falling in with the plan.

            We went to the cafe because I thought it would be a good place for us to study.  Andy, Arash, and I went and over cool drinks we talked more about why we were studying for medicine.  I'm sure that Arash suddenly felt left out because the moment that Andy said that he was studying medicine to become a medical missionary, I thought something was    cosmically clicking because as I said aloud that day that I wanted to become a medical missionary too.

            After studying the next day together, Andy invited himself to the movie I was watching the next day.  Then, that Saturday, he invited himself to my church also, on Sunday.  I was displeased.  I knew if I took him to church that everyone would know about him and remember him.  I didn't want to take him unless I knew he was going to have a semi permanent position in my life.  Anyhow, coerced into it, I invited him.

            That Sunday, I could not believe how wonderful it felt to have him at church worshipping with me.  From then on I knew exactly why I choose to not date nonChristians because I would be missing out on that.  We went to lunch, and studied the next day, chatting often on the computer.  It was during this time my interest in Seventh Day Adventism peaked. So, I took to the internet and read up on everything on Adventism that I could find.  To my interest, I had typed in Ellen G. White and came up with one of the anti-Ellen G. White pages by accident.  Wanting to know all positions on this church, I read those pages and came up with some disturbing conclusions.

            Andy had directed me to the 27 fundamental beliefs, and immediately I had concerns.  I e-mailed him several questions about Sabbath, Ellen G. White, state of the dead, Jesus' sinful? nature, the belief that Jesus is Michael the Archangel His reply to me was sketchy.  We talked on the computer about some of the things like Sabbath, and Ellen G. White (whether he thought she was a prophet or not), and I thought we had resolved things because I saw that the contrary doctrines the SDA church held were from EGW's writings and Andy had told me that he and his brother were the "biggest critics" of Ellen G. White, and that yes he did believe that worshipping God was about the heart and not about what day you go on.  He also continued going to church with me on Sundays and started to take the diagnostics on Saturdays.  I thought that he didn't believe in those different doctrines because he himself was criticizing Ellen G. White, and Ellen G. White was the author of those beliefs.

            So, we blissfully continued falling in love.  I had read some things on the internet that said that Adventism was not a cult, but rather a heterodoxical christian denomination.  That settled things for me, Christian was Christian.  I was so happy I found someone that loved God.  Andy later told me that he felt like that summer was the happiest time of his life. I felt similarly, however I did feel weighed down by anxiety about the MCAT.  Soon into the relationship I wanted to make things clear to Andy.  I told him that I was never planning on becoming an Adventist, and that I didn't want to raise my children Adventist.  I knew that it sounded like I was jumping the gun, but I wanted to make things clear because if he had a problem with these things then we should break up.  He was angry he told me that he didn't say that he wouldn't raise his children Baptist.  I told him I had no problem with that because I was hoping to raise my children nondenominational because I felt that denominations are very divisive in very shallow ways at times.

        Other than that, we were also dealing with figuring whether we would stay together after the summer since I was returning to college out on the East Coast and he was headed to China for a year as a student missionary.  I continually grew uneasy about Adventism, especially after learning that every single member of this family on both sides were Seventh Day Adventists.   I had several moments of discomfort meeting his family.  First of all, we went to lunch at a sandwich place, and everyone ordered the same sandwich without turkey.  I ordered it with turkey, and although no one said anything, the way I   stuck out was quite obvious.  Increasingly I became aware of how much his family would prefer him to date an Adventist.  My family was content with my explanation that yes he was a Christian and that no, he didn't believe in the contrary stuff.  My mom has always prayed for me that I'd end up with a godly man, a real spiritual leader.

        Despite my uneasiness about the situation, it was easy not to discuss it because our relationship turned into long distance after the summer.  During winter break, I visited him in China and we went to his church on Saturday.  We spent the afternoon reading quietly at the Seventh Day Adventist hospital.  Little did I know that I was observing Sabbath the way Adventists define observing the Sabbath.  Everyone was really nice, I enjoyed meeting the several staff there including a medical missionary couple, and a nurse and several others.  Going to China seemed to cement our relationship even more.

        It was an extremely painful parting at the end of my vacation, and we were back again waiting through the time we had to be apart until when we would be together again.  I think we both went into the long distance part of our relationship expecting to come back together at the end of it for a relationship that would take place in the same state.  At the end of the summer Andy asked me if he should schedule his plane ticket back into L.A.  He's from the Pacific Northwest, and well, it honestly sounded like a commitment.  When we were saying goodbye he asked me if I was worried that we wouldn't make it through the year of long distance.  I told him I wasn't sad because I thought we wouldn't make it, I was sad that we would have to be apart.

        Winter came and went, I went to a dynamic presenation by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s daughter and she talked about the agape table about reaching across the difference to love each other.  I was struck, and I went home and I asked Andy if he wanted us to promise that we wouldn't break up over our religious differences.  We both promised solemnly, and it was like a burden was lifted off our relationship.  After China, Andy told me he didn't want us to ever be so far apart ever again.  Specifically, he said to me that he didn't want us farther than fifteen minutes apart, as opposed to the farthest apart a long distance relationship could get with him in China and me on the East Coast.  My heart sommersaulted.  We then began planning to live near each other the next year with him in medical school at Loma Linda, and me getting a job somewhere around there.  He even offered to have me live in the same apartment complex that his family was planning on purchasing.

        Everyone at school saw how happy I was about the relationship.  At the end, he came back from China and stayed with me for two weeks before he went back to his home.  We were happy, but strained, very strained.  Finally the subject had come up of how we would find a church.  We had never explicitly addressed why going to an Adventist church was so important to Andy other than observing the Sabbath.  I didn't want to attend an Adventist church, from reading about it there were several things that I was unhappy with.  The sabbath issue was key, I knew that to God the most important thing was the heart.  That's why He chose David, wasn't it?  Also, I was uncomfortable with the different doctrine that Ellen G. White espoused, and while I thought Andy didn't believe in them (turns out he believes in all of them), I wasn't sure what exactly the Adventist church would preach.

        A week short of our one year anniversary, he broke up with me on the phone.  It wasn't unexpected.  During the time he came to California we fought one night.  I don't know how, but we ended up talking about the education of our future children.  I had been through both public school and private school.  Andy however, had only attended Adventist schools from when he was very little to graduate school.  He said that he definitely wanted his children to have the same education as he did.  I couldn't understand.  I graduated from one of the finest institutions of education and I was still spiritually sound.  In fact I thought it was great because I had a variety of friends: Christian and nonChristian.  I explained to him that I felt that going solely through the Adventist system of education didn't provide a wide world view and offered only one perspective.

        I rehashed the conversation we had the last summer.  "I told you that I wasn't going to become Adventist, and that I wasn't going to raise my children Adventist."  I told him it was pretty clear that was the only way he could see things for his children.  "Why are you still with me?" I asked painfully.  He said he couldn't see a way for us to work out, and I thought we were then.  I cried that night heart wrenchingly, thinking we were completely over.  However, he still held me, and when we said goodbye that night we both said we wanted us to work out.

        Once he returned to his home, he was increasingly distant.  I grew uneasy, so with that free time I had instead of talking to Andy, I spent it reading up on Adventism more.  I built my case against the need to observe the Sabbath still, and Andy grew increasingly angry that I needed to dispute the matter.  Meanwhile, he was telling me about an Adventist family that his family was spending more time with.  He told me they had three girls and that they were pretty cool.  Still assured of his love, I didn't think anything of it.  Retrospect is always clearer.  It was one of those three girls, that a week after our break up that he disclosed to me that he was talking to about her moving down to California to be with him.  And then later again, he disclosed to me that she was still in a five year relationship with her boyfriend when they started talking about being together.

        Heartbroken, I read more about Adventism than I had ever done during the relationship.  I kept sending Andy e-mails about how Adventism's theology clashed against mainstream Christianity's theology.  I wrote and read and studied every single day trying to keep the heartache at bay.  Maybe because it felt like I had some semblance of control.  I was so confused and bewildered.  I knew that Christians should be able to fellowship together, to worship God together.  I couldn't understand why things weren't workable.  Christians were Christians right?  Unity in the church.  I just couldn't understand.

        The more I read about Adventism and the more I asked Andy about his beliefs, the more it became apparent to me that he did believe in all the things Ellen G. White had written about, and that he could never marry anyone who wasn't   Adventist because no other Christians had the same set of theological beliefs as rigidly as the Seventh Day Adventist church.  When I asked him about his remark about being a critic he said, "I didn't mean a negative critic."  Then, when I asked him about when I had told him I wouldn't raise my children Adventist, I asked, "What, then you didn't know for certain that you wanted to raise your children Adventist and you know now?"  Of course nothing had changed.  He told me he didn't tell me because he knew we wouldn't be able to have a relationship.  He told me that he thought that all of our differences would disappear because he thought once I heard about the things in Adventism that I would become Adventist.

        My disbelief was extreme.  I couldn't believe that he went into the relationship planning to "convert" me from Christian to Adventist.  I went back to read our conversations and he kept emphasizing that the doctrinal beliefs we had were only slightly different.  When we found out the extreme differences between our faiths, I was upset.  He said that he knew the entire time the difference between our faiths that I just didn't know.  I railed at him, "How could you keep this from me when your faith is so important to you and you didn't tell me?"

        Finally, he returned to California and we talked in person.  I made an outline asking what he believed on Ellen G. White, hell, soul sleep, Jesus is Michael the Archangel, Investigative Judgement,Sabbath etc.  He told me that breaking the Sabbath was a sin.  I was upset, I asked, "you mean when you came to church with me on Sundays and you took diagnostic tests on Saturdays you were sinning?  I was leading you into sin?"  The more we talked, the more it became apparent of how angry he got about discussing these issues when I would use the bible and outline what I believe on this issues that were contrary to Adventist beliefs.  He in turn would try to refute my cases, or not acknowledge my points about the issues, with the chain verse method.  The method where you take one verse out of context and then take another verse out of context.  I saw it in his bible myself.  Right under the verse would be penned in another reference, not a cross reference, but something he thought proved his case.

        "What do you think of Adventism now?" asked Joel, a friend who had formerly predicted the doom of our relationship. I hesitated.  More and more in my mind I was finding Adventism aberrant.  I still hesitated to say anything. We went to a talk by Desmond Ford about his 999 page dissertaion on how Investigative Judgement is not in the Bible.  That the Adventist church preaches something entirely unbiblical.  Andy didn't seem too fazed by the talk.  I was particularly pleased because I had come across Desmond Ford's website on how unbased in Scripture Investigative Judgement and the Day of Atonement is.  Still, the Adventist church does not brook any criticism and disfellowshipped (kicking people out of the church) Desmond Ford after a massive General Conference.

        To me this is representative of how the Adventist church deals with criticism of its doctrine and Ellen G. White.  One thing I kept asking Andy was if Adventism was so ok, then why were there so many bitter former adventists?  Why did so many people feel deceived about Adventism?  Why are there "Former Adventist" at all? Andy always brushed off those cases with, "Oh they're from other churches, just some backwards Adventist churches."

        I didn't understand why Andy *had* to go to an Adventist church.  I was a Christian, I could go to a Presbyterian, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Baptist, etc church and it would be fine.  I could be with someone who had different views on certain issues of doctrine, but I was in no way insistent that I had to go to one certain church, or that my children had to go solely through one route of education.  My family couldn't afford private school when we were growing up.  It didn't do us any damage.  We all are still following God.

        Finally, two months later, I began to understand.  It was like scales were falling from my eyes.  The reason why talking to Andy about spiritual things was so difficult was because he always felt like he was being attacked.  I couldn't understand that at all.  I've talked to plenty of people about how I believe in Creationism and never thought people were attacking me for wanting to discuss it.  When Andy and I ended up talking about hell he said in no way he could ever be with anyone who ever thought that hell was eternal.  Taken aback by that statement, I couldn't understand why that would be such a pivotal point for him.  He did end up saying he did think Ellen G. White was a prophet.  That was a far leap from what he had said originally.  All for the sake of the relationship I guess.  I felt so deceived.

        Reeling from the discussion we had I laid it down for awhile.  I started reading posts on the former Adventist forum, maybe they could help me understand.  A few people on the site had stated outright that they felt that Adventism was a cult but I always shied away from defining Adventism that way.  They were, after all, Christian, weren't they? I ended up asking Andy about his personal testimony.  He didn't have one.  He told me that he constantly made the decision to follow God, and that he probably made a commitment to be a Christian around six or seven, and that he had been baptised.  I was puzzled because that's not Biblical at all.  In every instance someone was saved in the Bible it was a particular point in time when the angels rejoiced. I asked him earnestly, "when for you did the angels rejoice in heaven over your salvation?"  I couldn't believe that I hadn't know he didn't have a personal testimony.  For two people that claimed to love God so much, how could I have overlooked that part?

        I started reading stuff on restrictive religious groups.  From what I had learned about Adventism, it seemed like a lot of do not's.  Do not break the Sabbath, do not eat meat, do not wear jewelry, do not date nonAdventists, do not go to nonAdventist churches, do not go to nonAdventist schools.  That in turn lead me to pages on cults.  Cults to me were like Mormonism with clearly aberrant doctrine, and the Jehovah's Witnesses.  But Seventh Day Adventism a cult?  I read the following bellow

Identification Marks of a cult:

(a) The group will have an ELITIST view of itself in relation to others, and a UNIQUE CAUSE. e.i. THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES RIGHT - everyone else is wrong. THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES DOING GOD’S WILL - everyone else is in apostasy.

1. Their leader/s may claim a special, exclusive ministry, revelation or position of authority given by God.

2. They believe they are the only true church and take a critical stance regarding the Christian church while at the same time praising and exalting their own group, leader/s and work.

3. They use intimidation or psychological manipulation to keep members loyal to their ranks. This could be in the form of threats of dire calamity sent by God if they leave; certain death at Armageddon; being shunned by their family and friends etc. This is a vital part of the mind control process.

4. Members will be expected to give substantial financial support to the group. This could be compulsory tithing (which is checked); signing over all their property on entering the group; coercive methods of instilling guilt on those who have not contributed; selling magazines, flowers or other goods for the group as part of their “ministry”.

At the same time bible-based cults may ridicule churches that take up free-will offerings by passing collection plates and/or sell literature and tapes. They usually brag that they don’t do this. This gives outsiders the intimation that they are not interested in money.

5. There will be great emphasis on loyalty to the group and its teachings. The lives of members will be totally absorbed into the group’s activities. They will have little or no time to think for themselves because of physical and emotional exhaustion. This is also a vital part of the mind control process.

6. There will be total control over almost all aspects of the private lives of members. This control can be direct through communal living, or constant and repetitious teaching on “how to be a true Christian” or “being obedient to leadership”. Members will look to their leaders for guidance in everything they do.

7. Any dissent or questioning of the group’s teachings is discouraged. Criticism in any form is seen as rebellion. There will be an emphasis on authority, unquestioning obedience and submission. This is vigilantly maintained.

8. Members are required to demonstrate their loyalty to the group in some way. This could be in the form of “dobbing” on fellow members (including family) under the guise of looking out for their “spiritual welfare”. They may be required to deliberately lie (heavenly deception) or give up their lives by refusing some form of medical treatment.

9. Attempts to leave or reveal embarrassing facts about the group may be met with threats. Some may have taken oaths of loyalty that involve their lives or have signed a “covenant” and feel threatened by this.

Refugees of the group are usually faced with confrontations by other members with coercion to get them to return to the group.

Paranoid - We Are Being Persecuted

Any time you say anything negative about the group, whether justified or no, it is regarded as “persecution”. Any criticism of the individual is also seen as persecution only because they are the “true Christian” or “enlightened” one - not because they, as an individual, have done the wrong thing. However, at the same time they will feel free to criticise whatever you believe, say and do because they are “the only ones who are right”.

They are made to feel guilty of everything they did before entering the group and are to strive to be “good” and “worthy” for “eternal life”. Misdemeanors are made into “mountains” so that members are in a constant state of guilt for infringing even the most minor rules. Guilt comes because they aren’t doing enough; entertaining doubts or questions; even thinking rationally for oneself.

This guilt is piled upon pile with new rules constantly being laid down about what is sinful and what is not. Illness may be seen as lack of faith - more guilt. Emotional illness may be seen as proof of sin in your life - more guilt.
 

1. Ellen G. White
2. sabbath, special truths, "remnant church"
3. losing salvation if you don't keep the sabbath? this is an iffy one. leaving the church is apostasy.
4. heavy emphasis on giving
5. adventists are nothing but loyal
6. adventist education system is a good example of this
7. can you say "disfellowshipped?"
9. visits by the pastor after trying to leave? pleadings by the family members

        A light dawned in me.  The article on cults was saying that cults aren't brainwashing places, just places that offer an alternative world view.  That cults closeness functioned more on the an elitist club attitude.  That they had special truths therefore they were better Christians than everyone else.  That they were given special truths and need to tell other people about it.

        I understood completely then.  I understood why it was so difficult to even broach the subject about what church to choose because I never had a problem with going to church on a different day than Sunday.  It says in the New Testament  let no man judge you according to which day you observe.  It was difficult for Andy because Sabbath is one of the "special truths" that makes Adventist special.  You can't give that part up because that would be criticizing the church, and according to cultic thinking that is wrong and bad and you're not supposed to do that.  I thought that Andy's attitude was characterized by fear because leaving Adventism would be leaving everything he has ever known.  His parents, his siblings, his education, his future profession.  I couldn't figure out why there was such a prominent separate social system that operated solely on Adventism.  But now I see why because Adventism is a cult.

        There, I have finally said it.  It all makes sense now.  When I realized it was a blindness that Andy possessed when it came to discussing doctrine, because within the scope of the message of the bible, which is salvation, the things he believed in were not consistent with a proper understanding of salvation.  However he could not see it even when I could explain to him in the context of the bible, historically, and in the Greek and Hebrew.  He couldn't even contemplate that he espoused false doctrine.  Every time I would ask him about another facet of his faith, he would delve into scripture to gain a greater "understanding" of the doctrine.

        A disclaimer at this point in time.  I do not define Adventism as a cult in the destructive sense of the word that they can't be Christians.  To the contrary I do believe that some Adventists are Christian.  But I define Adventism in the sense of a cult in the way they deal with criticism, the way they hold their special truths, the way that they see the world as "Adventist/NonAdventist."  No other Christian group is so exclusionary.  Of course Andy could never marry me because I wasn't an Adventist.  It makes SENSE.  That is why all those former Adventists felt so deceived and so hurt and were alienated from their friends and family.  In one instance a wife was divorcing her husband because he no longer was Adventist, he was still Christian, but he wasn't Adventist!

        You see, I was a Christian and I could marry a Christian that makes sense, right?  But Andy could only marry an
    Adventist.  Because I didn't believe in "Adventist truths", (that then must certainly be of a higher understanding known only to Adventists) we must not be equally yoked.  The saddest part is he told me a story about his mother dating a non Christian and how his mother didn't marry him and what a relief.  The sad part is that he meant that I would be like the non Christian in our relationship.  I didn't realize it at the time, but a Christian who is not Adventist is as bad as a nonChristian!  Even worse!   The ironic part is that he is probably more like the non Christian than I am.  Because I understand God's love. God's love isn't divisive, it's unifying.  And if there's anything that the Adventist church is, it is divisive: by its Sabbath observance, by its health message, by its own private school education system, by its communities.

        At the end of our talks, Andy asked me if there was a Sunday Law would I convert to Adventism.  For those that don't know about Adventism, Ellen G. White, their prophet, predicted that they would abolish worshipping on Saturday and those that worshipped on Sunday would be marked with the mark of the beast.  This sounds far out to any Christian, except for Adventists.  This is only one example of many of the Scriptural Twisting methods cults use.

        Lastly, Andy told me he broke up with me because I couldn't accept him as a mainstream Christian.  That was my breaking point.  I said that he was *not* a mainstream Christian.  All he had to do was see what a chasm there was between our doctrines and that is why he was not a mainstream Christian.  I wanted him to try telling everyone from the onset that he thought Jesus was Michael the Archangel (a belief also held by Jehovah's Witnesses), and that he thought that there was going to be a National Sunday Law.  How many Christians would feel that he was a mainstream Christian then?

        The truth is, that Adventism will never be a mainstream Christian denomination as long as it holds on to its different doctrine.  But it's not even the clinging to the doctrine that makes Adventism a cult, it is the entire attitude fostered within the community.  And it's just too bad because Adventists are really nice people but how many times have you heard of people drawn into cults because of the really nice people that were loving and accepting in a way they never felt before.

    Perhaps the members of the Adventist church to realize that the love is conditional because the moment anyone leaves the Adventist church people pray for those people that leave the Adventist church as if they have lost something.  I'll tell you contrary to that, they have gained much, they have gained freedom. Although Adventism hasn't been so foolish to say that if you leave Adventism you aren't a Christian (which is a clear sign of a cult) but they make you think you're not a very good Christian if you leave it. This is a way they tell disillusioned Adventists to "not throw out the baby with the bathwater." but if you are in the Adventist church, for the love of God, GET OUT!
 
        It's been two months since Andy and I broke up.  Now it seems like an eternity.  I know so much more than I did then and I'm grateful.  Within the community of former adventists I've been greeted with things like, "you are so lucky you found out now." and I am lucky.  If Andy had seen fit to keep mum about his actual beliefs we would have went forward, deeper into a spiritually dissonant relationship.

        A moment of embarrassment passed over me.  I was supposed to a spiritually mature Christian.   How could I have not known earlier?  The simple truth is that Adventism is deceptive.  Not only was I deceived about its nature, so was Andy.

    He thought naturally that Adventism was the right way and that it could be proved through the bible.  I proved that it wasn't naturally proven in the Bible.  I wonder what Andy thinks of that.  He probably thinks that I'm the blind one.  If the Adventist church would only open up to other theologians and other scholars of the Bible they would find themselves scrutinizing their doctrines much more closely than they do now, with much less narrow mindedness, and limited perspective. But with the way the SDA church deals with dissonant voices it leaves no room for other opinions.  When they asked scholars who knew Hebrew to prove that Investigative Judgement came from Daniel, they couldn't.  They honestly couldn't say that it came from the Bible.  But did they speak out?  No.  Because the Adventist environment isn't such that an honest criticism can be promulgated without severe retribution.

        Does this sound like a church filled with the Holy Spirit?  I don't think so.  I pray for all of the people I know that are in the Adventist church daily.  Especially for Andy.  Many Adventists, including my ex, and others have criticised my research of Adventism because I read anti-Adventism pages along with Adventism pages.  However, as a diligent student it is necessary to view all angles of the matter, pro and con.  My personal opinion is that they do not like my research including pages against Adventism because they themselves are afraid to read them.  Also, the cult factor, being unable to react to criticism without hostility or fear.

        Thanks for listening to my story.   Feel free also to check out former adventist forum where I've found great enlightenment and wonderful people.  Other links to read.

reactions common among former Adventists and also other cult members:

It Hurts when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question - were “pulling the wool over your eyes” albeit unwittingly.

It Hurts when you learn that those you were taught were your “enemies” were telling the truth after all - but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.

It Hurts when you know your faith in God hasn’t changed - only your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker, a “Judas”. It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.

It Hurts to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?

It Hurts to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those you love - to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren’t there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon you as demonised and teaches your children to hate you.

It Hurts to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.

It Hurts when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don’t know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.

It Hurts when you feel as thought you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are “floating” and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.

It Hurts when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.

It Hurts when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their “I told you so” whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.

It Hurts when you realize you gave up everything for the cult - your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?

It Hurts because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time ... at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.

The Pain Of Grief

Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.

There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer.

Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn’t - It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.