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| This essay is about how our civil liberties are being eroded by anti-smoking forces. If I was a much fatter Michael Moore, I might tell you that this is a direct result of our government's Orwellian domestic policies since 9/11, and also maybe it has something to do with the Patriot Act, which, for those of you who don't know much about the aptly named Patriot Act, is the law that congress passed that states the New England Patriots must win 3 out of every 4 Super Bowls in order to assure our citizens that Patriots don't just exist in obscure historical texts, such as that one poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Unfortunately for us all, I'm not really all that fat. I'm still young though, so things can change. Maybe check back here in a couple of years... |
| My first attempt at an essay since reemerging as a college student. Kind of dull in my opinion, but who am I to judge? I guess I'm not doing very well at this synopsis of it either. Aren't I supposed to be motivating you to want to read it? Ok, how about this, a man in Fresno read this paper and three days later received a large sum of money from an anonymous source. Meanwhile, A woman in Boston turned down the opportunity to read it and as she was walking away from her computer she was hit by a Fed Ex truck which was inexplicably making a same day delivery from her kitchen to her den. Plus there's a graph at the end of the essay. |
| There's no description for this yet. Check back tomorrow. Or wait! I have a better idea! Why don't you fully intend to check back tomorrow, but then the cable bill comes in the mail and you decide you can't afford to. Or better yet, why don't you tell yourself that renting a home is better in the long run than checking back tomorrow, because if you check back tomorrow something might break, and then you'd be stuck with the bill, whereas if you continue renting your landlord promises you a special place in heaven where you will be waited on hand and foot by scores of beautiful virgins. One final excuse, maybe instead of checking back tomorrow you could spend that time trying to figure out a way to increase your tax bill next year. Yeah, come to think of it, don't even bother checking back tomorrow. It's too much hassle and you've probably already spent your tomorrow anyway. |
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| Not the most uplifting piece on my site, but if you want uplifting, you should really be checking out my short stories, not my essays. I recommend Best Friends. Now THAT'S an uplifting story... |
| A little bit of nonsense on a topic that was difficult for me to come up with something to write about. The assignment was to describe a learning experience that was hard for you, and honestly I don't really remember ever going through anythin like that. I like the title though. |
| This essay was assigned to be an observation of a pattern of behavior, and I was originally going to do it on a coworker of mine, Jack Martin, who apologizes more than any other person I've ever met, but at the last minute my son asked me to write about him, and how could I refuse when he's giving me those cute puppy dog eyes? I'm not exactly sure where he gets them, but he's got a jarful of them in his room. Quite disgusting actually. |
| A pre-fabricated scenario that we were told to expound on, nothing of note whatsoever in this essay, so I will be very disppointed with you if you read it. Do me a favor, spend the time it would take you to read it in some more rewarding fashion, such as washing your hair, or maybe staring at a blank spot on the wall for 10 minutes or so. Thank you much. |