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| March 4th, 2001, Alright. I gotta lot to say today, and a lot of time to talk. Hello again everyone. First, I would like to address how rotten I'm feeling, then I'd like to address bar flies and shy people, then I'd like to address shy people who don't dance but go out with their cousins to a bar and meets new people but then doesn't talk to them and wonders why she's bored out of her everloving mind just to come home and wonder why she was so shy in the first place, after all that I'd like to address an envelope. oooooohhh kay. Awful. I feel awful. I rented a PS2 Friday from Hastings (A local VideoStore/bookstore/thingie) with 2 video games, Tekken Tag & Offroad Fury. Now, normally I play RPG's but this year.. I don't know, my new's years resolution was: I WILL NOT BE IGNORED Ok.. soo, uhm.. I've got to work on that part. and uhmmm.. I thought a change in attitude and normal activities was in the stars, so anyway... I get the damn thing home and it has no power supply, so we go back, get the power supply, put it BACK together, and pooof.. Tekken Tag doesn't work.. dammit, go exchange the game, come back, the new one doesn't work either, DAMMIT.. go back and get a totally new game, which by the way was DOA2. Man.. and are my THUMBS SORE!! I'm barely able to type here. AUGH.. I played ALL DAY LONG... I'm talking, from 8 am to midnight. Nothing but sitting on the couch flipping keys. I got pretty damn good though, so I guess it wasn't a total waste. Ok.. some people are going to say that me sitting in front of a TV and PS2 all day with no interaction with other individuals that carry on a healthy and happy existence with happy and healthy friends and family would be pathetic, and I'll tend to agree with you, but I'm not exactly the most popular person on the planet. And when you're not the most popular you don't get many visitors, and I'm SOOO happy about that because I'm -----SELFISH----- Yes, Me.. Selfish. Very. I don't play well with others, I'm bossy, I'm a pain in the ass, I whine too much. Dammit.. I'm just me *blinking innocently* Ain't I just the cutest? So.. anyway. My thumbs hurt, my fingers are flying faster that normal though.. that's a good thing. Sometimes though.. the whole selfish thing kinda puts a crimp in your style. Especially when you want to have someone around. Oh.. and speaking of - Miss ya, Jes. - Ha.. he still doesn't read this thing. I don't think he'd care to know about it anyway. I woke up this morning and I felt great, then I wandered into the living room and nothing. Everything was exactly where I left in the night before. The shower hadn't been used, the sink was dry, only my diry clothes were there to greet me. *sigh* Sometimes I'd just like to wake up to find someone had flipped on the radio and was humming while brushing their teeth. I wonder if I can make a clone of myself? That'd be cool. I would never be bored and I'd never be alone. Anyway. That's why I feel horrible. ON to the next subject. SHY PEOPLE AND BAR FLIES Ok, being that I don't get much social interaction unless I'm at work, which is a TOTAL different thing, I'm put in the shy people category. I get the hibby-jibbies if put into a group of people I don't know. But apparently, bar flies are NOT shy whatsoever. Lucky dogs. I went to the Electric Cowboy as previously mentioned, and I saw so many people there having a great time... I was jealous. Jealous of these people who could just get out there on the dance floor and shake it like there was no tomorrow, laugh until they were sick and have a generally good time. I don't know whether it was the alcohol flowing through their systems, but I know they'd feel awful about what they were doing out on the dance floor in the morning. Anyway.. I don't have much else to say. NOW.. about shy people who don't dance but go out with their cousins to a bar and meets new people but then doesn't talk to them and wonders why she's bored out of her everloving mind just to come home and wonder why she was so shy in the first place. Uhmm.. by the way, that's me. So.. first off, I'd like to apologize to all the people I'll ever meet or ever HAVE met. First time I meet you, don't expect me to talk to you. I don't. I listen to what you say to make sure that we'll get along, because there is NO USE talking to a person I know I won't like. Sorry. I'm nothing if not efficient, in certain things. So.. anyway. I got introduced to all these people, and I had a silent panic attack. Oh god.. they're not gonna like me, I've got nothing in common with these people.. oh god.. blah blah blah, Dezy's a ball of nerves. It was ok when it was one other person, but when you spring 5 or 6 on me, I go nuts. So.. I did the only self preservation technique I've learned well, and that's Freeze Out. Oh yeah. The Definition of FREEZE OUT To ignore until they lose interest or consider you a bitch and thus STILL move on. Using short phrases and monosyllables when you speak. When you smile, make sure it looks like it's about to crack your face, don't make eye contact until you're insulting their intelligence. Act like you're so much better than they are. While conversing, make sure something else attracts your attention and your speech trails off mid-sentence. They will eventually move on. If you're eating or drinking, stare into the cup or plate and make sure you speak with your mouth full or chewing on ice staring off into space that is not near the face of the person you're talking to. And move on they do, never to come back unless it's to call you some sort of bad word. *sheepish grin* Not my best trait, but it's better than being hurt or made a fool of. I learned that technique rather early. When I was in school, everyone made fun of me. I'm talking EVERYONE, even the teachers and my best friend. So, I learned to either laugh it off, which I do rather well too, or freeze out. Freeze out when you're scared, laugh it off when you're pissed. So.. this is an explanation if anyone cares. Just because I can recognize my faults, doesn't mean I can change them though, so don't be expecting me to become all lovey-dovey any time soon. I'm gruff and tuff, and you can blow my igloo away with one warm and sincere compliment. *shrug* It doesn't happen often, so when it does, it's really.... uhmm.. I get really vulnerable, and I don't get over that easily. OK Enough is ENOUGH.. Later ya'll, I'm gonna go play DOA2 again.. see if I can work out this soreness in my thumbs (pfffft.. whatever). *tips Dr Pepper in the air* Cheers! *takes a big gulp* EW... Petewy.. YUCK.. this was yesterday's!! |