thoughts31

September 10th, 2001,

Ok. yes.. I finally went out and did it. I got the cat.

Well, you don't have to just sit there stare gape-mouthed at me. I mean.. it is ONLY a cat, it's not like I went out and grabbed someone's baby to raise as my own. hehe.. speaking of.. do you remember that film "Raising Arizona"? lol.. that thing was hilarious. I think it was one of Nicolas Cage's earlier ones.. although, i don't know HOW early, it was earlier than his sudden movie-star quality.

Oh.. back to the cat.

It's not orange.
It's tiger striped
I didn't name it Lambert.
I named it Leo.
It's a he.
He's awfully rambucious (which I'm loving).
I call him turd,
and he's POTTY TRAINED!! HALLELEJUAH!! THERE IS A GOD!!
He also likes salmon.
And tuna.
As does my mother.
They should get along great.
Except for them both liking salmon.

I went out and bought all this equipment for having a cat. I forgot how much crap that goes into a cat.

Crap Tray
Bag for Crap Tray
Clay for Crap Tray
Shampoo for the ferret smell from the pet shop.
Titanium Suit for the subsequent BATH.
brush, because I don't HAVE cathair.
leash (yes, I intend on using a LEASH for a CAT..)
and collar (Oooo.. the colors match)
Chewy treats so he'll LIKE me.
food/water dish.
placemat (cause he eats like a heina)
Trashcan for used crap bag.
POOPER SCOOPER

ok..
I think that's all I bought.
oh..

Toys.

lol.. ok, he's totally IGNORED the little brightly color spinners I bought for him, but I'm having fun with them. They're like minuture tops.. but they aren't.. anyway. I like 'em.

Finished FF9 this weekend. *sigh* love stories are da BOMB.. especially when it includes BIG explosions, fear and intrigue, and monsters. Oh.. and animation and fight sequences. I really was surprised at how fast it ended though. I think the game was easier this time, with a whole lot more story. Geared towards a younger generation, methinks. Anyway. I loved it. And NOW.. JESSE... I FINISHED FINAL FANTASY FINALLY!! Took me a bit of Saturday and all day Sunday to finish it. I knew I was at the end, I just.... well. I dunno. I din't want it to end. But.. everything's gotta end, and the memories keep ya goin'. lol.. sounds like I pulled it right out of the script of that damn game too. lol. *shrug* nuts to ya, I understand what I'm thinking.

I picked up my coronet again after.. god.. 5 or 6.. hell it's be SEVEN years since I played my coronet. I gave up my coronet to play trumpet.. and then I stopped playing trumpet for the melaphone, and then the melaphone for the french horn, and then I stopped playing completely in my junior year for this business. God.. I'd forgotten the smell of oil on your hand, and the click of that case. My lip is bruised though, I think I overextended it. It's just that.. I remember that I used to be so GOOD at it, and after not touching it for a few years, I dunno.. I just wanted it to come back immediately, and right now..I can't even sustain a high C without it cracking or straining like a fiend. Though.. I dunno, with age comes maturity, and with maturity comes a certain understanding. *sigh* Everything is falling back in to place for me. lol. Feels like I'm picking up pieces of me I've discarded and just now found again. Which, that's ridiculous. But.. it's not really. I guess I did discard parts of me. No wonder I've been lonely and crap, I went and chunked my best friend in the trash (my best friend being ME, of course). OK.. enough PUBLIC soul discoveries.. I'm gonna go bust a lip on my 10-1/2C.

I'm OUT
Dezy.

September 13th, 2001,

Lyrics of the Day

There's a Face : Eve 6

There's a face I know too well
I see it every time I look in the mirror
No I don't kiss and tell
I'll tell you after I betrayed you
Supersonic boy sweating sin
The pillar that I'm melting on
will prove you wrong
Keep your lips sealed this just in
You're speeding up the ticker of a walking time bomb

Time's up
stand up
face the Muzac
Smile wide
step outside
face the Muzac

Click your sticks and cast spell
that'll suck my saliva like water from a well
I try to do what's right
what's right ain't right enough for you tonight
I see you're displeased
a middle finger response
I'll try to appease
I'm sorry don't be mad but
ask me what I'm sorry for and I won't have an answer

Time's up
stand up
face the Muzac
Smile wide
step outside
face the Muzac

Look me in the eye
and let 'em flow again
Lies on the rocks
with a twist of desperation
etc...

I dunno.. this song just really clicked with me this morning. You ever feel as if you're in a dream and the dreams you have are your real life? Sometimes I feel that way. But.. not always, there's still this... unreal quality to both realities.. as if I live between the two of them, navigating slowly between the both. Sometimes, my dreams are so vivid.. real-like.. or should I say my life is so dream like... so hazy.. I dunno. I don't want to distract from what I'm saying though. My dreams are just sooooooo.. real.. like.. I have de ja vu dreams, and I'll come down and tell my coworkers (family) and ... it comes true like.. a month or a year or a day later.. it's really scary. I mean.. I always wished I could see the future, ya know? Ever since I was little. And you know.. It leads me to wonder if most people really can't. We all surmise about the future, wonder about it, what could be.. what would happen.. blah blah blah. But what if there's this unseen mental connection of all the people conscious and only in our unconscious could this connection be freed and open up. What if, eh? Twins communicate without words sometimes, I've done it with people I'm really close to. When someone in my family gets in trouble, the rest of us are effected on it.. but we only notice it when we look back at our unusual reactions to normal circumstances. Maybe if we paid a little closer attention to our own minds.. I wonder if anything would come of it? Could we begin to read minds? I mean.. here lately I can just tell you what people are thinking, and I study people, and what they want out of a certain reaction and then do the opposite. I wonder..

Do you know how much a smile actually effects your day? Try smiling ... forcing yourself to, you'll be amazed at how fast your mood improves. I feel really sad about New York, and god.. I just can't think about it anymore and keep my head about me. I bawled last night like ... well.. like I hadn't since my heart was broken. But ... seriously.. I don't feel any better about it. the background of everything I do is so false anymore.. I mean.. is it anything compared to what my life could do to others? I could be used as a weapon against my fellow man without my consent.. without... without ANYTHING of MY doing! isn't that sick? And .. god.. what could those people be thinking? I mean.. before they died.. and while they were being torched to death or smashed or smuthered.. *closes eyes* I can't handle that thought.. God. maybe.. maybe .. god.. I dunno anymore. Maybe this will help the american people unite again and quit squabbling over bullshit.. maybe break that apathetic blanket that 8 yrs of the Clinton tucked us in with. It's like a slap up against the head when you fall asleep in class. Wake up call? We aren't invincible.. we are touchable.. and oh god how scary that is. Makes you want to get to know your neighbor a little closer though... just to see whether or not they're plotting your death. God.. how scary is that? I'm preaching fucking.. fatalistic thoughts. There's a seething anger in my body right now. I could actually kill someone over this.. of course, I'm like that about stupid things.. so that's not saying much. But.. *shakes head* I don't want to feel that way.. this is the land of the free.. the land of justice.. rights.. blah blah blah.. we can't just kill these people.. we need to be civil. We can't allow ourselves, not only to be cowed or whatever else everyone is preaching, we can't allow ourselves to forget what makes AMERICA, AMERICA!! If we just.. go off hotheaded, we're gonna turn into the white devils.. the infidel.. and just play right into their plans. OF course, we can't just sit there and take it either.. God.. it's so .. terrible. Words can't describe it, so I'm not gonna try. But ..

What's wrong with America? Where is our spunk? If you knew you were gonna die on a plane, by no choice of your own, wouldn't you do your damndest to kill those that were trying to kill you... before they did anything after you were dead? I mean.. c'mon.. there were 90 some people on one of those planes.. you don't THINK that 90 people... all scared and hyped up on adrenaline COULDN'T take down three guys with box knives? I'll tell ya different.. I woulda fucking took 'em on. I wouldn't have cared if I was gonna die.. at least I died trying and not sitting there taking it like a cow. Believe me, I've been cut by a box knife, ya barely feel it. God.. I still couldn't imagine it, though.. I mean.. on one hand.. I say I would have, but most prolly were paralyzed with fear.. cause.. this just WASN'T supposed to happen.. Our American egos... we're untouchable... Just don't do anything rash people, we still live in america.. don't screw it up because some people decided we WERE touchable.. don't turn us into a policed nation. Please. We are America, We will come back, stronger... more ready. Just.. don't screw it up.. Anyway.. I'm gonna wrap up my thoughts.

Take Care and I'm out.
Dezy.