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| September 17th, 2001, "Coke Barbie and Mickey Watches for $1" Ok.. you can't TELL me that doesn't sound bad... that's some ad I got in my email today. lol. I giggled. Barbie's on DRUGS!! lol. Welp.. I'm just sitting here.. listening to final fantasy songs.. feeling kinda bummed... nothing else really going through my head. wondering about my webcomic, and if my characters will ever develop their own personalities.. i think they have.. maybe I just haven't noticed too much. also.. I'm kinda wondering what's gonna happen in the next few years.. I mean.. it's all pretty blurring, now that I think about it. I have one defined path though.. I will be working at big vinyl works.. but.. well.. I dunno.. that might not necessarily be the truth either.. I might have sold the business and started another one, or .. I dunno. *sigh* I'm not really bummed, just.. sorta below my level of happiness... brooding.. that's what I'm doing. And I'm looking for a video game to occupy my time with, but none are holding my attention.. and Unreal .. god.. I'm getting my ass whooped. HI EM!!! *sigh* this past week was hella harsh on me. I dunno.. everything just came crashing down, and I was extremely.. I dunno.. stretched to my limit? nahh.. I wasn't stretched to the limit.. but.. I could have done with a little less mental anguish. song o' the day You're Gone : Diamond Rio I said hello I think I'm broken And though I was only jokin' It took me by surprise when you agreed I was tryin' to be clever For the life of me I never Would have guessed how far the simple truth would lead You knew all my lines You knew all my tricks You knew how to heal that pain No medicine can fix And I bless the day I met you And I thank God that He let you Lay beside me for a moment that lives on And the good news is I'm better For the time we spent together And the bad news is you're gone Lookin' back it's still surprisin' I was sinking you were rising With a look you caught me in mid-air Now I know God has His reasons But sometimes it's hard to see them When I awake and find that you're not there You found hope in hopeless Your made crazy sane You became the missing link That helped me break my chains And I bless the day I met you And I thank God that He let you Lay beside me for a moment that lives on And the good news is I'm better For the time we spent together And the bad news is you're gone The bad news is you're gone I wanna say hi to Jes. I sent him this email sending him to this www.ninjai.com site.. omg.. that is a great little animation. Ya'll might wanna check it out too. It leaves you on a cliff hanger.. soo.. that's a big bummer, but it's pretty cool. I got my lip back on the trumpet.. god.. I so forgot how much I enjoyed playing. Makes me feel free.. and in control. My lips look all red and swollen after I play, but.. god.. that feeling of hitting all the right notes at the right time and that last note ringing in your ears. That's the reason I played. Football season has started at the local high school.. lol.. the stadium is like.. three blocks from my house? and I can hear it.. it's sooooooo thrilling. I used to have such a great time out there in the night, instruments screaming.. cold fingers, wet clothes, lost music.. lol.. hot cocoa and a united purpose. *sigh* lol.. most times it was horrible though.. too cold, too wet, too boring, blah blah balh.. but those times that were exciting, and the scores were close, THOSE were the games. I suppose if I didn't start this business I would have continued in band throughout college also. That would have been awesome. *shrug* Have you ever seen the bugle and drum corps? OMG.. they're great.. some of them anyway.. but.. wow.. i used to watch them and just drool. I need more time in my days to complete everything I want to do. Maybe I'm just packing too much into them.. or maybe.. they're just too compact on the things I want to do most.. I'm pretty happy though, I reckon. I don't feel like anything is really missing, but.. I dunno.. anyway.. enough rambling, I guess I'd better wrap this up. Stay safe... I'm out. Dezy. |
| September 18th, 2001, You know, I've noticed a certain duplicity in myself. And I think it's a bad thing.. something I hate in other people, but in myself I tolerate because I can't seem to get both halves of me to comprimise. It really pisses me off. And I don't understand it at all. Hurmph.. uhm.. that's about it. Come on na na na na..... Every other time I said lets talk about it as she walked out on me and slammed the door but I just laugh about it cuz she's always playing those games deep down I know she loves me but she's got a funny way of showing me how she cares (she cares) last night she did a donut on my lawn and drove off with her finger in the air oh yeah Sometimes its black, sometimes its white sometimes she's wrong, sometimes I'm right sometimes we'd talk about it or we'd figure it out but then she'd just change her mind sometimes she's hot, sometimes I'm cold sometimes my head wants to explode but when I think about it I'm so in love with her every other time Na na na na... Yeah every other time Sometimes we'd sit around just the two of us on the park bench sometimes we'd swim around like two dolphins in the ocean of our hearts but then I think about the time that we broke up before the prom and you told everyone that I was gay ok Sometimes I walk around the town for hours just to settle down would I take you back and you kicked me down cuz that's the way uh huh uh huh I like it Sometimes its black, sometimes its white sometimes she's wrong, sometimes I'm right sometimes we'd talk about it or we'd figure it out but then she'd just change her mind sometimes she's hot, sometimes I'm cold sometimes my head wants to explode but when I think about it I'm so in love with her every other time Na na na na... Yeah every other time Keep it up homegirl don't you quit you know the way you scream is the ultimate and when I walk away just watch the clock I bet I don't even get around the block I said lets talk about it and she walked out on me and slammed the door one day we'll laugh about it cuz we're always playing those games sometimes its black, sometimes its white sometimes she's wrong, sometimes I'm right sometimes we'd talk about it and we'd figure it out but then she'd just change her mind sometimes she's hot, sometimes I'm cold sometimes my head wants to explode but when I think about it I'm so in love with her every other time Na na na na... Yeah every other time x2 Keep it up homegirl don't you quit you know the way you scream is the ultimate and when I walk away just watch the clock I bet I don't even get around the block Na na na na... yeah every other time.... Latah, I'm out. Dezy. |
| September 19th, 2001, Did you know.. as an aquarius, I'm supposed to wear outrageous clothing? Oops.. maybe I'm just hiding my Aquarian talents. I need to speak about the American's policy regarding the Bin Laden case.. and all that goes with it. Yes.. The Twin Tower's terrorist act was inhumane, insane, unprovoked and all that good stuff, however, I don't believe we should be finding a scape goat, like we did Timothy McVeigh, and using it to satisfy the American's bloodlust. It's wrong, and I believe we're deluding ourselves if we think that this will solve the problem. And I bet, after we bomb whoever we want to bomb, America will suddenly lose interest in the "War On Terrorism" just like we have the "War on Drugs" the "War on Homelessness" and all those good "Wars" we've put out there on a street just so that the authority figures in this country can justify terrible treatment of people who have done "wrong" under those rules of war. The reason we are suddenly picking Bin Laden as a scape goat, is because we have an underlying agenda to where this is leading. We want to get rid of Bin Laden so we will become heros and such. We've wanted to all along, but suddenly, now this fat juicy excuse to kill him and his people has landed, like a piece of hot scrapnel, in our laps, we're gonna use it and be heros in using it. We're gonna prop that excuse up and parade it through all the streets of the town and hang in it town square so that EVERYONE knows our cause... And the american people are using it.. buying into it.. Buying flags and making slogans and lighting candles and sacrificing their last born 20 yo's and all their young people to a cause to kill the ragheads.. to kill the muslims.. bomb afghanastan and anyone that stands in our way. <gasp> Do you UNDERSTAND!!! Tell me one person that understands this. Wait.. don't tell me.. I don't want to hear it. Oh wait.. is that their opinion I'm speaking now? the public doesn't care to understand that maybe, just maybe, this bin laden is innocent of THIS crime. He may not be innocent of other crimes, or of training those individuals.. or even of applauding the ingenuity of killing our people with our own commercialism.. but he may just be innocent of this crime. Is the American people forgetting our Constitution? Just because he is not of our land.. doesn't understand or care to understand our laws or way of life.. this doesn't mean that we can forget our own ties to "every man is created equal" and "deserves a trial of his peers". And just because Bin Laden MAY HAVE trained these individuals to kill.. doesn't mean he led them to war.. that would be like saying someone who showed Mozart the piano should be the one taking the credit for his many accomplishments. It's ridiculous. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS, PEOPLE!! wake up AMERICA!! Don't you understand anymore? are you so cow-like.. that suddenly someone crying wolf makes you jump up and herd yourselves in one direction.. no matter if that direction is over a cliff and to your deaths or not. Their religion.. the one that makes us the white devils, the infidels... also tells them that we are evil and deserve to die. and they will die trying to kill us. Are you ready for this? This will have to be genocide if we begin to kill them. I don't think our own country, based in christian roots, will allow our collective consciences to kill off a race/religion of people. *shakes head* We aren't taking the time to understand. We aren't taking the long view.. the long road to peace.. to the end of terrorism. And because of that it WILL be our downfall.. Do you understand this? DO YOU UNDERSTAND!! Take a looooooooooooooooooooooooong breath.. remember all the good things in your life, now that our country seems to be at peace. Do you want to start a war, do you want to find yourself in someone else's country killing every woman, man, and child of a certain race because if you don't they'll kill you and yours? Do you WANT that to happen? Of course not.. your morals are probabaly screaming NO.. I won't do that.. But what if I tell you that that is exactly what that religion views as the only way to get rid of the infidels. If we retaliate in a way that says we aren't thinking on this action.. it will only be deepening their resolve to kill the infidels.. the white devils, and that.. is their purpose from Allah. God.. I don't think we understand. why won't you listen? Why won't we listen? Is it because we want to delude ourselves with this "God Bless America" bit? Do we really believe we are the "church on the hill" that we came over on the 3 ships originally to make? God.. that's utopia, people, and you can't build utopia.. Utopia was the garden of eden.. and you know what happened there. Is it that we've been apathetic SO long that suddenly, someone finally blows our eyes wide open.. killing 6,000 people and we're ready to wake up? Did it TAKE THAT?!? My GOD, people.. we aren't the blessed few.. we aren't the CHOSEN people. We're humans that each in our own way need to make the world a better place, and making other's the enemy doesn't help our TRACK TO HEAVEN. I mean, politics have NOTHING to do with religion. Believe me, when God came up with the phrase "Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's, and Give me what is mine" I don't think he stuttered. For those of your HARD HEADS.. Caesar was another way of saying the Government.. or further.. politics.. society... blah blah blah. Understanding.. love.. THAT'S what God preached through Jesus. People.. have we FORGOTTEN THAT MESSAGE?! Only be angry when HATRED and JEALOUSY and other EVIL emotions aren't involved. What about that part? Did we forget that also? God din't CHOOSE america.. WE chose God as our banner to wave, he has no use for a nation.. for a political affiliation. I mean.. i'm not a religious person, but if you're gonna drag God's words into this kicking and screaming, you better fucking well understand the original message or you're gonna look like a fool covered in paper that suddenly doesn't say exactly what you thought it did. (I used to have that dream in high school about english). I understand the need for bloodlust, and if you think my rant has totally been wrong, then FINE, I'm not surprised. I've tried to think this through, there is no REAL answer to this ... But.. if we retaliate with force? There's no way to find the real answer. I want to kill whosoever did this too, don't get me wrong, I feel the flap of the star spangled banner in my chest, and my eyes fill with tears and pride as the anthem is sung... I love America and all it stands for. I breath the constitution with every word. BUT. America is not thinking.. is not following it's own words, it's own rules, it's own FOREFATHERS.. you remember them, right? We're so wrapped up in our fresh hurt and outrage that we are falling back on our base emotions. We are a CIVILIZED country, people.. Act it. If you want to be a caveman.. or someone who uses religion for a reason to get back at people, you're in the wrong country. We ARE Americans. We ARE democratic. We ARE fair. We will be strong, we will stand long, we will be triumphant. However, none of that will happen if we don't first and foremost STAY America and keep it proud. I think politics has gotten too wrapped up in our media and yellow journalism has been running rampant too long in this nation. I wish that people would begin to report on real things and full stories, and not just things that will get the most ratings and misleading an already too ignorant and bigotted public. Granted, journalism is a difficult thing.. and they can't read everyone's mind.. But.. I dunno.. I've gotten to the point where, the news is so much bullshit, I'd just rather not listen than to listen to lies and miscommunications.. and people's "take" on things. I don't want their opinion, I want the fucking UNTAINTED news. Last points of the day: Terrorism cannot be wiped out with bombs and bullets. It can't be wiped out with threats and shaking fists. It can't be fought out over rugged terrain between two struggling figures. Terrorism.. first has to be wiped out with understanding, and with understanding comes peace. These Colors Don't Run. Dezy. |
| September 20th, 2001, "You didn't kiss me... how can I fall asleep?" Song o' da day. Tim McGraw : Grown Men Don't Cry I pulled into the shopping center And saw a little boy wrapped around the legs of his mother Like ice cream melting they embraced<*> Years of bad decisions running down her face All morning I'd been thinking my life's so hard And they wore everything they owned living in a car I wanted to tell 'em it would be OK But I just got in my suburban and I drove away I don't know why they say grown men don't cry I don't know why they say grown men don't cry I keep having this dream about my old man I'm 10 years old and he's holding my hand We're talking on the front porch watching the sun go down But it was just a dream he was a slave to his job And he couldn't be around So many things I wanna say to him But I just placed a rose on his grave and I talked to the wind I don't know why they say grown men don't cry I don't know why they say grown men don't cry I'm sitting here with my kids and my wife And everything that I hold dear in my life We say grace and thank the Lord Got so much to be thankful for Then it's up the stairs and off to bed and my little girl Says I haven't had my story yet Everything weighing on my mind disappears just like that When she lifts her head off her pillow and says I love you Dad I don't know why they say grown men don't cry I don't know why they say grown men don't cry <*> Lord loves a country and western song's analogy. bless them, Lord, they know not what they do. I dunno.. that was just a song that touched me today. *ponders* *sighs* I'm sick of having heavy thoughts for the last couple of weeks.. I need some distraction. UNREAL TOURNAMENT!!! LAN PARTY, BITCH!!! I shall conquer!! hmm.. my cousin got his driver's license, I don't think I ever congratulated him. congrats you FOOL!! hehe.. YAY!! George is my Hero! YAY! <ahem> <George's only clean pubescent dream will now end> *whistles innocently* On another subject, I received my Skyline Publication's magazine thingie in the mail today. HEHEHEH.. I'm in PRINT!! YAY!! <ahem> Yet another alltooclean pubescent dream will end. *farts* *blushes* oh parDON me!! hehe.. OMG..I think I'm sick.. my nose has been running for two days straight, I have a fever (I'm actually room temperature for once) and my throat feels like I'm swallowing a huge wad of gum rolled in glass and sand and other hard sharp edged things. Maybe I'm just gnome infested. I hear gnome infestations are going around this season. <gasp> Hide your pinkie toes folks!! later ya'll. I'm out.. of my mind. "but JOHN!!! .... you know I'm crazy..." I think that just may be my theme song... hmm... Dezy. |
| September 21st, 2001, Song o' day Cowboy Mouth : Girl Cryin' Over Here Geneva says don't talk to me like I am deaf and dumb we've broken down and broken up so much that I am numb Talk about, don't shout about, the people we've become. There's a little girl who's cryin' over here Micheal says don't shout at me like I was born a fool You speak of love and scream of love now dare to treat me cruel Nothing's fair in love and war, so please let's make some rules. there's a little boy who's cryin' over here Did your mother know me I swear that I have tried Did your mother need me I feel like I just died Did you mother want me I swear that I have tried How do you tell someone you don't love them How do you tell someone you don't care anymore How do you tell someone you don't love them anymore Geneva says the pictures that we took are put away inside a box of memories for cold and rainy days One's in pencil writing with the things you'd never say. There's a little girl who's cryin' over here. Michael's old engagement picture's in a wooden box. His wooden heart is tough as nails and solid as a rock. He keeps himself protected with a combination lock There's a little boy who's cryin' over here. Did your mother know me I swear that I have tried Did your mother need me I feel like I just died Did you mother want me I swear that I have tried How do you tell someone you don't love them How do you tell someone you don't care anymore How do you tell someone you don't love them anymore Fighting makes me tired In my life Lieing makes me tired there's a spot Hurting makes me tired hold me tight Lieing makes me tired Geneva says I wish that I've never seen you smile your name is written on my soul in alphabetic file All I've got it is my dignity so I will leave in style there's a million of us cryin' over here Did your mother know me I swear that I have tried Did your mother need me I feel like I just died Did you mother want me I swear I swear How do you tell someone you don't love them How do you tell someone you don't care anymore How do you tell someone you don't love them anymore How do you tell someone you don't love them How do you tell someone you don't care anymore How do you tell someone you don't love them anymore anymore anymore anymore anymore everytime I talk to you there's no one listenin' everytime I reach for you there's no one there everywhere I look for you you're no where to be found. Good song, me likes it lots. I was reading my extensive webcomic list today and ran across this gem on Sinfest. "We the People on Earth, We of every Nation, Race, and Religion-- Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, and heathen--in Order to form a more perfect World, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Vigil all across the Globe. We, therefore, solemnly publish and declare our Solidarity with All Peace-loving Citizens of The World. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor. Peace, -T." All I have to say to that is : Word. That's an email I received today.. THIS is what I hate about spam.. here I thought she was going to SHOWER me with appreciation of my perfect writings skills.. and instead <sigh> It's a fricking advert. Drat it all. "I ran across your posting on a poetry site on the Internet today and thought I�d share some information with you. I own a small travel ezine dedicated to the state of Texas (http://www.travelTexas-Online.com) I am also a published poet and freelance writer and just recently I published my first romance/mystery novel �In A Pumpkin Shell� by Sandy Buckalew. I had my 1st book signing at our local Hastings store for Sept. 8, 2001. I used �InstantPublisher� to publish my work and am very happy with the end result. So much so that I have become an affiliate and linked them to my ezine. Please feel free to visit the site and �customer library� where you�ll find my book listed. *They have a very strong affiliate program that might work for you as well http://www.instantpublisher.com/default.asp?afcc=1005 There are many reasons why I choose self-publishing, but many more why I used InstantPublisher. Literally for as little as 97.50* you can publish your book, ANY book! And receive your order within 7 days! (*Perfect bound, sixty pages, 25 copies) ANYONE can be a published writer! If you have been writing long you already know how valuable the word �published� is in the business world. But, on a more personal note think what a wonderful gift your book of poetry would make for friends and family, the people you love. Please visit the site for complete information and all publishing options. They offer a great affiliation program that might work wonders for your site. Finally you can get any work published! InstantPublisher will even help you market your book for FREE. They can order your ISBN # at a discounted price too. This is great for poets, novelists, family cookbooks & genealogy too, but so affordable it�s ideal for ANY professional or personal project you have in mind. Regardless of your decision I wish you all the best with your writing. I�ll be happy to answer any questions you might have as well. Sincerely, Sandy Buckalew" And this.. this is what I don't like about freedom of speech.. but love in it's own creative and wonderfully weird way... www.huntandpunish.com *sigh* I listened to President Bush last night.. he's alright.. at least he's finally thinking (or his cabinet is thinking for him, I don't care, either way he's not flapping about like a scalded chicken anymore).. but.. I'm still not sold on this whole war thing. anyway.. I don't wanna think about that part, I just want to say, I think Bush isn't acting on his own, I can almost see his parents actions in the background.. But that wasn't my point either. I think we may very well be on our way to world gov't. And to think, I always figured it would have to be an alien invasion to bring the world eye to eye. I knew it would take a common enemy, but who'dathunk it would be goofy ole Bush to start it rolling.. or should we give that credit to the terrorist? *raises an eyebrow* I'm out. Dezy. |