sitting there in your blackdress
i found you so attractive
in a lonely sort of way
you seemed so angrysad
made me go to you
victims before we
were even born
self-medication never lasts
but it's all we have
brought you down to put you up
we were supposed to be married
when i get published
supposed to be happyglad and together
I'm hating you for my mistakes
easier than saying i failed you
easier than saying i made you leave
easier than saying you're better off
easier than letting go
easier than loving you
than loving you
nuerotic asnd depressed
sitting with you
I didn't need it to make me happy
i had you
but it wasn't enough for me
why?
paleskinsofteyeswarmlipsandsoul
alliwannarememberisyoureyes
allmyfuckingfaultyouleftme
you'rebetteroff
(allmyfuckingfault)
open empty room filled with
darkened saddened shadows
interspace the void between
my mind and me and the only way
to cross the distance.... a yellow rowboat
with Ivory oars
Play the violin for me
play a different tune because i'm sick and tired
of not knowing where i'm going to
Beat the tamborine for me
tattoo it in my mind trace paths of reason
in your silent misery
loving knowing ever growing deeper in your mind
in the shallow part lies the greater chance of
drowning
ground your flotsam on the shores underneath in time
open the box and put all your jewels on
close the door and turn the key and hide out in the rain
don't take your clothes off in this shower
your curtains keep in all the light and simply beat a tune
of wishing hoping never coping nothing matters anymore
Play the violin for me play a different tune because i'm sick and tired
of not knowing where i'm going to
Beat the tamborine for me
tattoo it in my mind trace paths of reason
in your silent misery
All you want from me
is constant pain
I know you don't care
I'm tired of this rain
Your claws are in my blood
I've felt this before
Poison seeping throught my veins
Nothing but a whore
I don't care while you sleep
In my valley, so deep
Unable to decide
Remove it from my hide
You don't wish to go
Immutably true
I feel the way you do
Henceforth I doth hate you
In my land of fantasy
Where the wounds run deep
The battle hasn't stopped
Soldier's blood, I weep
There's no one there to lay down next to
so you lay down by yourself
And I don't know how you feel
I don't think I ever want to
There's no one there to talk to
so you're talking to yourself
There's no one there to cry to
so you're crying by yourself
Soft, slow, silent rain
falling down on you
And if you don't want to talk about it,
I'll pretend to understand
You lay down there beside me
so I get up to leave
These lonely empty hearts
could never see the same
There's no one to be a part of
so you be alone not knowing yourself
And there's no one to hear you crying
so what's the use of crying at all
Thunderheads
Rolling in, crushing
darkness so like a maze
A Dead Garden of Eden
With a pillar of light in the middle
It shines so bright
With a life of it's own
Forever changing, yet still the same
It has changed everything
Possibly forever, or just for now
And in the garden grows a rose
The only other living thing in the garden
When I come to visit, as often as I can
I see the rose, I see the light
So beautiful, and they grow weak
The bond is falling away
Like an old rope, stretched too far
the light fades, leaving
And the rose, left in the dark
Drops it's deep red petals
On my way to the place that you live
to the place that I hate to the one that I love
Wanna make you happy even if i'm not
Say you love me whether you mean it or not
I love you I hope you....
please tell me
I can see that you're worried
let me near I'll hold you and I'll kiss you and tell you it's all
gonna be okay
Just let me hold you
Just let me be near
So I can hold you and kiss you and whisper in your ear
If we can live through this
If we can wait longer
If we can deal with this
Saying nothing
We are just seen as something to
Use for now
Saying little
Leaving low
(undertow takes us now)
Still we say too little
Watch me kill you
Watch me kill you
Again again,never again
Again again, never again
What the hell is in there
What the hell is in there
Saying by myself
Saying by myself
Saying not to you
Saying not to you
And we have come too far
from the place we lived like gods
And we have gone too long
from the place we laughed like children
and we and we and we
Saying not to you
saying not to you
You hurt so bad and we
You hurt so bad and we
Let it fade
Let it fade
Let it fade
It won't fucking fade away
It won't fucking fade away
It won't fucking fade away
It won't It won't
One drink, empty the glass
pour another it follows
getting drunk is so much fun
leaves me empty and hollow
One more drink and I break the glass
her mind shattering perfume
all that's left of what I was
sometimes I wish I could feel it
Why can't I just runaway
without my mind behind me
showing me things I don't want
to think to smell to see
'don't you dare be thinking boy'
'learn how to live it'
i think I've forgotten
Don't overlook the cliff....hit
run and hide from the demon dreams
you can never get away
never never never never
'you have no future'
We walked
her left in my right
between mist
For.... time
Days... weeks.... months
I fell sick
slower.... struggle
never a sick day
'til now
She continued
I... pulled
left behind
Wait, stop...
she kept moving
not stopping
never turning
not looking back
taking the rest
Between
Mist i take it
and so it goes
I am far too into you
And it scares me
When you are not around,
I find myself thinking of you,
Even wishing that you are here
The last time it happened
The last time I felt this way
I got hurt so bad
That I can still feel it
I don't want it again
I want you gone from me
I have to get away
I don't know what to do
I don't want to hurt you
I don't want you to hurt me
I am falling in love with you
my living demons
incessant turn to black
looking at my life on the otherside
looking for a way back
can find the reasons
for the way i hate
won't take on tabula rasa
clean my slate
the need it comes
the need it goes
where it comes from
i don't know
why can't i find my way
hidden back in life's
cobweb corners
hides the face of a
forgotten stoner
open its cover
turn the page
words from a time lost
from a forgotten sage
the need it comes
the need it goes
where it comes from
i don't know
why can't i find my way
screaming tired
screaming loud
put over a dark
and heavy shroud
cut me off
close me in
leave me with thoughts
of forgotten sin
the need it comes
the need it goes
where it comes from
i don't know
why can't i find my way
paranoia
black as smoke
envelopes me
i start to choke
could it be here
to take away
all my pain
what do i pay
the need it comes
the need it goes
where it comes from
i don't know
why can't i find my way
darkest night
thick and slow
longing with my
heart down low
opened to a
rusted key
hidden in ruins
impossible to see
the need it comes
the need it goes
where it comes from
i don't know
why can't i find my way
tired and old
pain like a thorn
i'm left to my
well-earned scorn
don't scream out loud
you gotta keep it in
salted wounds
caused by... him
I am confused
I am insane
Don't know what I'm doing
Just dreaming through the pain
Help me Rape me
Save me Kill me
Fuer Grissa ost Drauka
The Bringer of Death
Haunts my resting places
I can't sleep, I die in sleep
Help me Rape me
Save me Kill me
Gossamer light
beckons to me, join me join me,
in senseless oblivion
escape your mind
Help me Rape me
Save me Kill me
Nothing I do
matters much to
anyone, no one really gives a damn
so stop pretending
Help me Rape me
Save me Kill me
It's all my goddamn
Fucking fault so
Just leave me alone let me lone
let me lone
let me lone
lone....lone....lone
Help me Rape me
Save me Kill me
You leeches that try to
use my talent and rape my mind
kill my soul will die
Wake up in the morning
I never fell asleep
sitting in my room
waiting for death
yes it's true
I fell in love with you
far too deep and far too soon
I can't stop thinking
that it's all my fault
I cause the pain she always feels
I've been here before
Stand inside the door
waiting for the ceiling to fall
waiting for the dark
i'm afraid of you
afraid of hurting you of hurting me
yes it's true
I fell in love with you
far too deep and far too soon
i know it's all my fault
i'm hurting you
you're hurting me
i'm sick of this poetic plea
i'm not dead yet
waiting for you to end
my life and my love
but i just don't know why
yes it's true
I fell in love with you
far too deep and far too soon
i don't know yet
my shirt is soaking wet
rain is falling and soothing
down, cleansing me
i don't have any answers
i just want you back
i can't hold onto this
ledge for too long
I gave myself
my heart and my health
I wish that I never met you
yes it's true
I fell in love with you
far too deep and far too soon
i can't fucking think right
i'm losing my mind
i owe it all to you
you're killing me softly
like a fly's breath
i make the noise i just
can't hold it in
my fingers choke
around my own throat
smother and slowly die
I'm still searching for the place
in my mind
The place that you cannot
find
The place that you cannot
destroy
The place you cannot
make your toy
Do you wanna die?
would anybody cry?
Stand with me
Watch as I twist the world into shapes
Do you wanna die?
Do you wanna live?
I can teach you how
Early in the morning
sliver light gives warning
of the coming day
it won't go my way
if you hope to curse my earth
kill lest you give birth
I am insane
It's in my brain
Fucked up and losing all control
Slowly run down the hall
I fear the sleep
I dream of you
We're back together you're happy
Slowly run down the hall
I'm waking up
just a dream
Start to cry wish it was true
Slowly run down the hall
Afraid of sleep
Demented rest
Don't want to dream of you my dear
Slowly run down the hall
I lock myself
inside the house
just want to feel sorry for myself
Slowly run down the hall
Life is a cancer
leaching strength from
my bones
my will
I am a killer
leaching love from
your heart
your soul
I will take your blame
kill my soul with shame
I will take my life
give me back my knife
Kill me once
Kill me again
She wondered why standing
on the shore of mine ocean
{how blue it is, she said. look at the fish, I whispered)
Look into their eyes
For that self-worth you are
Craving
All that matters is their
Approval
Nothing matters about you
Except what they need to see
And nothing you belive
Matters
To them, to you anymore
And I grow weary of the games
That you play with
Yourself
So I leave you now
And go find refuge from the fire
In deeper waters
Stop twisting me
Into how you want to see me
because
You won't take the time to listen
You stand there
and watch me
I fall down
but you just stand there
I'm all right
I'll pick myself up,
brush my knees off
and carry my bruised dignity away
I don't need your help.
But it still would have been kind to offer.
Can you feel it when I cry?
Do you know I want to die
My body so weak I can barely
hold this pen
you are so dear to me
Please, don't forsake me
I fear the private moments
there's no one there to lie for
no one to see my mask,
and even my mask has worn thin
I can hardly function anymore
I need you with me
Why am I so weak?
Why am I so weak?
Why am I so weak?
I want to be strong
I want to be strong
I want to be strong
I'm tired of fighting
this lost cause has blinded me
I just want to sleep
and end these demon dreams
Suddenly....
There Was
A boy,
afraid of the world
thought the people hated him
but they never noticed
He thinks something is wrong,
bad, in him, that they
would hate him
but they never noticed
So young,
he can only see things
from his eyes
he can't understand
why mommy don't love him
Suddenly,
There Was Not
A boy,
Afraid of the world
thought the people hated him
but they never noticed
Suddenly, I turn around
and I am here alone
If only I could find the way
the way to get back home
As raindrops fall upon my head
I think of how life would be
if I could travel back in time
and change the past for you and me
If I had listened to you,
I wouldn't be here alone.
If I had only listened
When you called me on the phone.
I don't know how I ended up here
I can see my life fading away
And I'm not quite sure if my pain will go away
Why I'm here, I am not sure
I wish I only knew
Every time I call you on the phone
all we would do is argue
I think about you all the time
it's a nightmare yes it seems.
If only I could just forget it
I wish it was a dream
Now I'm lying down to sleep
I'll think of you tomorrow
I'll think of you everyday
and all the pain and sorrow
Suddenly you turn around and everything has changed
It makes you wonder
Will it ever be the same?
Once you've lost someone you care for, no memory of
them is the same
From the times you've spent together to thinking their
name
People say you should talk about it but,
Will anyone understand?
All that can really help is the touch of that special
person's hand
Sometimes you sit you cry you wonder why
Why did someone I love have to die?
Every day questions fill you mind
Questions with answers impossible to find.
Last time you saw them all you said was 'hey'.
Now you know you could have said more if you knew it
would end this way
Then you realize you took for granted, that special
person standing by your side.
Now it's for that one special moment you sit and cry
Every day thoughts of death run through your mind.
And you want to go.
You are pinned.
Take your soul
keep it cold
and in control
Save it from the pain
or it will go insane
Take it off
keep it in
Stay pissed off
Keep your brain
in your head with the pain
of cold, creeping death
Are you there
are you ready
to go to war
with yourself?
Well too bad
'Cause you're here
Don't get too sad
if you kill a man
You just did what you're told
