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Salleh's Place
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Catherine Zeta Jones's star is definitely rising.
This Welsh beauty has starred in a number of hit movies and is now a much
sought after actress. She is currently dating actor Micheal Douglas.
Lucky wee lass.
The interview took place at an open air coffeeshop in downtown Beverly
Hills.
Def : Ms Jones, thank you for allowing me to interview
you on this fine day.
Cathy : LLyondroch y gurerwyn fflych twych, Def.
Def : Uh..what was that?
Cathy : Chlwch illwych amser prysgyll?
Def : Ahhh! I see! You're speaking welsh!
Cathy : Yea!! bytwll cychwp chwmu, Def!
Def : Hold on while I find a translator.
(C-3P0 comes in)
C-3P0 : Hello, I am C-3P0, Human-cyborg
relations. My services are at your..
Def : Yeah yeah 3P0, we know who you are. Can
you speak Welsh?
C-3P0 : But of course I can, sir. Please remember
that I am fluent in six million forms of communication and..
Def : Okay okay. Now can you translate what this
welsh git is saying?
C-3P0 : Yes, sir. That is, after all, why I am
here. It is my primary function...
Def : Alright, shut up. Now Cathy, from our communication
diffuculty, it seems that you can't speak English. How is it that you speak
good English in the movies.
Cathy : Pryfysgol cymru caerdydd toiledau myllwch gaerych
golgogoch.
C-3P0 : (silence)
Def : Uh 3P0.. care to translate?
C-3P0 :
Def : 3P0, why the hell are you so quiet all of
a sudden?
C-3P0 : Well sir, you did tell me to shut up so
that's what I am doing.
Def : (slaps his forehead). You really are an
idiot, aren't you? Now just translate what she says.
C-3P0 : Oh very well, sir. Mistress Jones says
that when she is shooting a movie, she actually speaks her lines in Welsh.
English dialogue was added in later during post production.
Def : Ahh.. No wonder she always sounds good in
movies. She sounds like a dog with throat cancer in real life. So Cathy,
what will your next role be?
Cathy : Aelwn gryngrych llanfilwllwth twp grugerwthh thoth 'action-movie'
cymru chrwlwch thwm argos superstore.
C-3P0 : She will play the lead actress in an action
movie starring the telletubbies fighting an evil plot by a cybernetically
enhanced Barney the Purple Dinosaur to take over the world and enslave
all the children to fulfill the sexual desires of a mutated Micheal Jackson
clone.
Def : Ah right. An intellectual drama. Now on
to another question. Would you care to elaborate on your relationship with
Micheal Douglas?
Cathy : Llyanfyawgryngogh ffynongarw illych sheep
cymru aentahwffahwffa.
C-3P0 : She says that she only dates ugly sods
and losers. That is why she dated the singer from simply red. And that
is why she's going out with Micheal Douglas. People like that are easier
to manipulate.
Def : Ahh right. And that is why you don't gofor guys like me?
Cathy : Yes.
C-3P0 : Yes.
Def : One final question. Are you related to Tom
Jones?
Cathy : Prychhwchthot yog-sosoth baelzebub Cymru.
Mythgwl swthili nyehaha Jones, Williams, am Llewelyn.
C-3P0 : Nope. We just have a lot of common first
names in Wales. Everyone is either a Jones, Williams or Llewelyn. I think
she is implying that they are all inbred abominations.
Def : We all know that. Anyway.. I have to go.
Listening to you speak welsh is interesting but i have so much of your
phlegm in my hair, it looks like a plate of Cantonese fried mee (wet style-
RM 3.80 a plate at the Big Pineapple, Subang Jaya). I need to shampoo my
hair. It will take a week to get rid of your throaty mucous.
Cathy : Dyolch
C-3P0 : Thank you.
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