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As 10th Crusade begins, hopes are high
A recent portrait of President Bush hanging in the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House.
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YOUR E-MAIL ALERTS(CHRISTOFFUS) -- Another Crusade to free the Holy Land, but is the Holy Land ready to be liberated? Today was the official start of the tenth crusade. As hopes for freeing the Holy Land are high, skeptics feel it will be another failure. “There is going to be another Indiana Jones figure to ruin our crusade,” stated Jeffrey Debater, Head Master at Handerson University . “It is all on Nazi films. Indiana Jones rode in on a horse, took one Nazi doctor for himself and ruined the ninth crusade.” Though this information did not seem credible at first we were shown a copy of the film and stand corrected. Since the early Middle Ages countries have been sending Crusades into the Middle East trying to free Jerusalem from the heathens. “We are not heathens,” claimed Shapogaffa Ali, a shopkeeper in New Jersey . “Besides it's our land. We were born there.” Shapogaffa went on to say that it was a “finders keepers, losers weepers world” and that “no infidel can push us off our land.” In the early 1990s the President George H. W. Bush failed to secure a foothold in the Middle East from which to launch a crusade. “I tried and tried but I couldn't get my foot in the door.” Upon hearing the News of his father's failure current President George W. Bush made it his personal goal to find a way into the Holy Land . “He set his sights on Iraq ,” explains Laura Bush, the first lady. “We just kept reminding him that the sand castles would be much better if it were made of Middle East sand.” Though most liberal news stations suggest this is all about oil the White House holds that it was about freedom - religious freedom. In top secret documents from the oval office we noted some interesting phrases. “ Iraq : not holy; humiliated Dad. Iran : not holy; funny hats. Palestine : not holy; fireworks. Jerusalem : holy; want it.” President Bush still maintains that this is a grocery list
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