The
History of Western Art
(Abridged)
The chicken he tells me that the internet is not only to entertain, it is also to inform. I think that many of the pornographic pages that I look to visit give me much information, but I do not wish to argue with the my poultry-pal. So I decide to put up something to inform. And here is therefore my History of Western Art.
Botticelli (1445-1510)
: The Birth of Venus
Aha! A picture with a naked woman!
So art can also be an inspiration. This gives me an inspiration
in my trousers! This was not so good when I was in the art
gallery, as I was thrown out. But I think they were able to
remove the stains.
Botticelli was a unique artist in the 15th century because he did
not later become a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Leonardo da
Vinci (1452-1519) : Mona Lisa
So now I am able to print on the
internet a picture of a lady fondling my cock! Words almost fail
me! This is a very famous and expensive painting, even though the
lady has left on all of her clothes.
The painter of this picture, Leonardo da Vinci was in one of my
favourite films, Hudson Hawk. He thought that he could turn shit
into gold. The film showed that this was not possible.
Tintoretto (1519-1594)
: The Last Supper
I don't know why this picture is
called The Last Supper. It was painted over 400 years ago and I
am sure that there have been many more suppers since then. Infact
I had a fish supper last night. I think that maybe it is
supposing to be a party, but there are no strippers or dirty
films.
Tintoretto painted this painting as an advert for Harvester
Restaurants.
Frans Hals (1582-1666)
; The Laughing Cavalier
This picture is in the art gallery
in London. My site presents you with the world exclusive of the original
painting; on the one in the gallery in London they have
painted on instead the face of the famous English actor Martin
Clunes. It now looks very silly.
Mr Hals, the painter, was well known as a transvestite. The man
in this picture is wearing some of his clothes.
Canaletto (1697-1768)
: The Grand Canal, Venice
The chicken and myself have also
been to Venice. Maybe soon we will be putting on this site our
photographs from there. I like this picture very much, but I
think that the Rochdale Canal is better, but I do not think that
Mr Canaletto has ever painted the Rochdale Canal.
Canaletto was the inventor of pasta.
John Constable (1776-1837) :
The Haywain
I do not know what is a haywane so
this picture makes no sense to me. But the chicken likes this
painting very much because it reminds him of the country. I do
not think it is very realistic as there are no sheeps in this
picture.
John Constable was the youngest of three brothers. His older
brothers were also painters called Sargeant and Detective-Inspector.
They are not so famous.
Edvard Munch
(1863-1944) : The Scream
What an ugly bastard!! I once knew
a man who had a tie with this picture on it. That obvliously
meant he was a stylish, witty, and intelligent person, and was no
doubt was a superb lover. You can tell much from a person by
their ties.
Edvard Munch never made much money from his painting, but he died
a rich man after inventing the famous chocolates, Munchies.
L.S. Lowry (1887-1976)
: The Canal Bridge
I like the chimneys in this picture,
they remind me of something and make me feel strange. This
picture is of the North of England. It still looks like this.
Mr Lowry, the painter, was very poor and couldn't afford many
colour paints. He often had to work as a rent-boy.
I am hoping that you have
enjoyed my history of art, and have learned many new things. I
hope that now the chicken will get off my back (and instead I can
get on his....). Soon I will also be presenting my history of
history. Keep watching my page.
If you have any questions about any of the artists or paintings here, please e-mail the chicken. Thankyou.
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