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| Faith, Hope and Trick Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too couple-y around Buffy. Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog? Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what? Kakistos: The Slayer. I'm going to rip her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart and suck the marrow from her bones. Trick: Now I'm hungry. Buffy: So let me get this straight. I'm really back in school because the school board *overruled* you. Wow. That's like having your whole ability to do this job called into question, when you think about it. Joyce: I think what my daughter's trying to say is... Nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah. Willow: Mm, sage. I love that smell. And marnox root. You know, a smidge of this mixed with a virgin's saliva.... Does something I know nothing about. Faith: I'm Faith. Oz: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a new Slayer in town. Faith: God, I could eat a horse. Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you hungry and horny? Buffy: Well... Sometimes I-I crave a nonfat yogurt afterwards. Willow: Oz is a werewolf. Buffy: It's a long story. Oz: I got bit. Buffy: Apparently not that long. Faith: Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me or humpin' my leg, we're five-by-five, you know? Buffy: Um, maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is *Giles*. Faith: I see him. If I'd've known they came *that* young and cute, I would've requested a transfer. Buffy: Raise your hand if 'ew'. Xander: And they say young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but, um, I've learned to be afraid. Faith: You guys are a hoot and a half. If I'd had friends like you in high school, I... probably still would've dropped out. But I might've been sad about it, you know? Cordelia: What is it with you and Slayers? Maybe I should dress up as one and put a stake to your throat. Xander: Please, God, don't let that be sarcasm. Buffy: ( about Faith) She's very personable. She gets along with my friends, my Watcher, my mom. Look, now she's getting along with my fries. Joyce: Does anybody else think Faith is creepy? Buffy: No, but I'm the one getting single-white-femaled here. Joyce: It's probably good you were an only child. Faith: What are you getting so strung out for, B? Buffy: Why are your lips still moving, F? Buffy: Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns. Giles: Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously. Buffy: Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right? Giles: As far as I know, yes. Beauty and the Beasts Oz: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... Scary. Scott: Oh, well, we're not up to flowers. Are we? Up to flowers? Did I miss flowers? Buffy: No. We're pre-posy. Definitely. Giles: Right. It's good to see you. Um, no need to panic. Oz: Just a thought: poker: not your game. Homecoming Cordelia: What's going on here? Did Scott not ask her to the Homecoming Dance yet? Buffy: Thanks, Cordelia. Humiliation's really good for my colour. Xander: Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all *sweaty*. Cordelia: They're training. Xander: I stand by my phrase. Faith: Come on. We'll find a couple studs, we'll use 'em and... discard 'em. That's always fun. Buffy: Okay, I'm in. Not the stud-using part, though. Or... probably not. Buffy: Sorry, Cordy, but you have no idea who you're messing with. Cordelia: What? The Slayer? Buffy: I'm not talking about the Slayer. I'm talking about Buffy. You've awakened the Prom Queen within. And that crown is going to be mine. Xander: So, uh... you and Oz. How do I put this? Are we on first, second, or, uh... ye gods? Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll, uh, regret later... Cordelia: (to Buffy) You crazy freak! Buffy: Vapid whore! Xander: ...like that! Buffy: I'm not making a big deal. You wanted the orchid, you got the orchid. Cordelia: It goes with my complexion better. Buffy: It does have that sallow tint. Giles: We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened. (Willow and Xander look at him,unimpressed!) Giles: Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare. Faith: Scott? There you are, honey! Hey, good news. The doctor says that the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, but we gotta keep using the ointment. Giles: I suspect the, uh, finger food contains... actual fingers. Buffy: You really love Xander? Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet. Buffy: Besides...(pumping the gun) I look cute in a tiara. Buffy: Cor, the gun! Buffy: Ooh! (Cordelia fires the gun and hits a bottle) Buffy: Cordelia, the spatula. Cordelia: Those animals! Hunting us down like poor defenseless... well, animals. Lyle: I'm gonna kill both you Slayers for this! You hear me? Cordelia: I hear you, you redneck moron. You got a dress that goes with that hat? Willow: They're gonna announce the Queen. Where are they? What's keeping them? (Cordy and Buffy arrive, looking the worse for wear!) Oz: I'm gonna go with mud wrestling. Xander: Oh, God! What did you two do to each other? Buffy: Long story. Cordelia: Got hunted. Buffy: Apparently not that long. Cordelia: After all that we've been through tonight, this whole who- gets-to-be-queen capade seems pretty... Buffy: Damn important. Cordelia: Oh, yeah. |
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