Monday, January 14, 2002
Happy New Year! I my first apologize for not updating my site in the last few months. I go through periods where I�m really into working on the site and then I won�t be for a while. With that out of the way, I actually have some things to report. I am now taking Valgancyclovir (Valcyte) 450mg tablets, two twice daily. That means I�m taking 900mg in the morning and 900mg in the evening. I have noticed a slight change in my health, although not what I had been hoping for at this point in my treatment. If there is one thing I have learned about myself through this, it�s that if there is a maximum amount of time given for something to work, that�s what it will take for me. I am now at 7 months post antiviral treatment. I must confess I had seriously hoped I�d be able to begin some kind of structured rehabilitation by with the new year, but that seems to be a little way down the road. I do have some exciting news. I got accepted to Northwestern University! I am very excited about going to Evanston in the fall-which is when I anticipate beginning college (I will go whether or not I�m ready-I want this so badly). With that excitement, though, I have been feeling very frustrated as of late. I really want to finally be better, but it is taking so long. I yearn to just be a �normal� person again. My 20th birthday is coming up in March, which will also mark the 3-year anniversary of my illness. I can�t believe I�ve spent the last three years stuck at home. Since I really haven�t improved like I had wanted, I have decided that I�m going to start mixing up my daily routine-which has gotten quite mundane. Dr. Lerner did give me the go ahead to start walking a little bit to begin building my stamina (and rebuilding my muscles since they�ve practically disintegrated into nothing), so I am going to try to walk and shower everyday without taking a nap. This is a big trial for me, and I�m not sure I�m going to pass it-BUT I just have to know where I stand physically. Either I�ll discover that I�m not as sick as I think or I�ll be reaffirmed that I really do have to take it as slow as I have been. It has been hard for me not to have control of my life, and maybe this is a result of that need for me to have control. I am expecting not to feel the greatest while I�m trying to do this, but I just have to try. I am sure those of you out there that are going through similar things know what I�m talking about. I have always been an �all or nothing� kind of person, I just don�t know how not to be that way. I�m scared that I�ll overdo it or that someone (mainly members of my family) will look at me trying to do these things and think that I am feeling tons better, which isn�t the case. I am going to push myself a bit and see what happens-who knows, maybe it�s the shove my body needs. |
