Gigglebytes
Sample examples
Hazardous materials discovered in Toronto
Apparently, the waiting list for an MRI in Ontario is growing by almost 12,000 patients a year. Meanwhile, provincial government offices in Toronto were evacuated, after a suspicious package was delivered to their mail room. Lab results have just come back: the package was, in fact, lethal to humans. It contained detailed instructions on how to imitate the Canadian health care system.
Ottawa office shutdown
In Ottawa, the entire Federal Immigration building was shut down after a letter containing bacteria was sent to Minister Elinor Caplan. As a result, 2,000 government workers were given the day off. This has caused great damage to the federal budget: since there was absolutely no difference in productivity, no one knows how to justify the budget anymore.
Mulroney to advise Serbian government
Former prime minister Brian Mulroney will be part of an international advisory council to the Serb Republic. Part of his job will be explaining how to restore democracy. Mulroney met with Serbian Prime Minister Zoran Djindjic in Switzerland to impart his political wisdom. He pointed out that, once people get fed up with you, you can leave and let someone else take all the blame for destroying your political party in the next election.
Walkerton residents get foreign aid
Residents in Walkerton are angry about the $2,000 per man, woman and child they've been offered as compensation for last year's E. Coli outbreak, saying it amounts to only $10 a day for all the extra work they did boiling water and going out of town to take showers. They now have a Plan B: They've decided to relocate to Botswana, whose government offered to help after hearing about the quality of Ontario's water supply.
Canadian literary giants support young writer
Michael Ondaatje and Margaret Atwood showed their support for the right to free speech of a teenager accused of uttering death threats, after he wrote a story about how he would like to blow up his school. The fundraiser in Ottawa will pay for creative writing classes. That way, the young boy, who can't be named because of his age, can move on to write about blowing up other things. Apparently, no one thought of using the money to pay for legal fees.
Landry denies calling flag 'piece of red rag'
Deputy Qu�bec Premier Bernard Landry has denied calling the Canadian flag "a piece of red rag". In a radio interview, he said his remarks had been taken out of context and specified that he had "full respect for the Canadian flag", calling it "beautiful". He added that the flag was also just the right size for washing the family car.
(c) 2001 Dominique Millette, All rights reserved
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