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Ministry of Truth Exclusive
ROBERT BARNARD, former Project Manager
NOV.24-Last week, Channel 10 news in Miami ran a story called "Dealing with Depression". In this story, it was revealed to the public that Robert Barnard (pronounced "Barnyard" -- see photo above) has the lives of mentally and emotionally disturbed Miami residents, who are genuinely seeking help, in his hands. "This is an outrage! The man is totally unqualified!" yelled Dr. D Hoffman of Arkham Asylum. "This man helps the depressed? God help us all." "I fainted," stated Tony D., a former coworker of Barnard. "I mean, you go through so much in this complicated life we live ... and then to see that ... as soon as I recovered, I called Dr. Hoffman immediately." Other former coworkers weighed in with their opinions -- "He used to call me 'Hey, stud', and pat me on the back," said BB. "He couldn't even keep his shirt tucked in. He was a total loser." "I almost walked off the job because of him. He [Barnard] came on our shift, ordering us around ... and he had no right! If it wasn't for my supervisor, I would've quit that instant," stated D.L., former night shift team leader. Even current employees had something to say. "I couldn't believe he was on T.V. last night. I just saw him counting magazines at Winn Dixie, not six months ago in Pompano Beach! Well, I guess anyone can make it, these days." The appearance of Robert Barnard on T.V. seems to prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are currently living, as The Realtor puts it, in Earth Zero (see Realtor declaration). "For once, The Realtor is right," stated Dr. Hoffman, "We are truly in the Earth Zero timeline, now. With Barnyard on TV, there can be no doubt of this." Robert Barnard could not be reached for comment at this time. |
