humour

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ITS A DOGS LIFE
ROMANTIC FACT
TECHNOLOGICAL WIDOWER
RECESSION IN FANTASY LAND
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HUMOUR

ITS ITS ITS ITS	A A A A
DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS	LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE

The story of this poem stems from my sister.Visiting our house one day I was tidying up my poetry having just invested in a computer.

She turned to her 10 year old son and said,"Your uncle David can write poetry on any subject.(thanks for putting the pressure on me sis!)

Go on she said give him a subject."dogs" he said.After observing our yampy pet 8 year old springer spaniel and getting into his mind(Yuk!)

I came up with this. Bear in mind it's written for a ten year old. Hence no swear words. (Not that that matters these days, but I still have my morals!)ITS A DOGS LIFE

ITS ITS ITS ITS	A A A A
DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS	LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE

Man I love being what I am,I can go and poo where ever I like,

I can pee up a tree, when it suits me and chase a policeman on his bike.

I can sniff around, rub my bum along the ground, and roll around in the dirt,

I can get hair everywhere, without a care and sniff up a ladies skirt.

I can sleep all day, not care what they say,and when they eat I just sit there and stare,

I can scoff myself silly, lick my own willy and do a smelly fart when the vicar is there.

I can do a good trick, called fetching a stick, I can sit up and beg,

I can bark for no reason, chase a bitch thats in season and bite the postmans leg.

I can drink from the bog, fight another dog, but it's always the same in the end,

The human that feeds me, I find always needs me, Man is definately a dogs best friend.

I never have to get wed, can sleep on the master's bed, When he goes to work I can get in with his wife,

I can run around free, now listen to me, It's really great having a dogs life.

D.R.Emery. 22nd Nov.1997.

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ROMANTIC

ROMANTIC

ROMANTIC

ROMANTIC

FACT

FACT

FACT

FACT

This next poem was influenced by my wife(she's been a huge influence on a great many of my poems)We were living on the Isle of wight at the time and in a

rather difficult situation, on the dole, no money, no work, no family over there and a six month old baby to look after. Anyway she took to reading "Mills and Boon

books"(Romantic fiction) to cure her boredem (believe me it is boring on the Isle of Wight in the winter) She was reading all the time, while cooking, cleaning even

on the toilet......ROMANCE?

ROMANTIC

FACT

I've lost my wife to "Mills and Boon"

I hope she finishes that damn book soon.

I can't get no sense out of her, Just a few mumbles and a slur.

She's at it day and at it night, Possessed by what these authors write.

My patients are growing thinner, she even reads it having dinner.

I don't know what I'm going to do, she even reads it in the loo.

Even when we go to bed, she does not complain of a sore head,

when I ask if she's in the mood for breeding, she says "Not now dear,can't you see I'm reading!"

David Robert Emery.

BACK TO POEM TITLES

Again this next poem is inspired by the wife. She started to get into computer games systems.

Most were bought for our son. She wasn't bad at them but she was not very patient.(Computer games

and romantic fiction obsession you may be thinking! No it was just a silly phase she was going through)TECNOLOGICAL

TECHNOLOGICAL

WIDOWER

The son got the system for Christmas, now the wifes got into it

Sitting in his bedroom, the room is dimly lit.

I hear her cry "Yes!" as she completes another screen,

I've come home from work, she did not know I'd been.

At last she's unplugged the Nintendo, My patients was growing thin.

Just when I thought we were going to talk, She's plugged the Mega drive in!

Now she's on the Attari, Scrabble is her game,

Why am I sitting alone,I could be fun just the same.

Now she's got the hand held, tapping buttons pulling her hair,

Squinting her eyes up tight, not noticing that I'm there.

Moans of frustration, cheers of joy she'll shout,

I keep on waiting and praying, hoping for the batteries to run out!

Screaming at us to be quiet, as she gets to a difficult bit.

If it causes so much stress, why does she play with it?

I wish she'd take more notice, and see what I could do.

I wish she'd see and look at me,

'Cause I could be a "Game Boy" too!

D.R.Emery. January 1996.

BACK TO POEM TITLES

During the 1980s unemployment was at an all time high. Many people found themselves

on the scrap heap. Times were really hard. I put this to my son one day when I had to reduce his

pocket money when he was six years old. I said, "Sorry son, but times are hard" "No they're not" he

replied, "two times two are four, three times three are nine........."

Anyway as we were in this dire situation I thought of this poem to bring a little sunshine into a

somewhat bad period.RECESSION

RECESSION

FANTASYLAND

Theres a recession in fantasy land, it's the worst for many years,

Characters with empty pockets, it's causing sorrow and tears,

Mary Mary's growing vegatables now, she's dug up all her flowers,

Little Bo Peeps cut back on her sheep, and Wee Willie Winkles doing extra hours!

Santas got intrest free credit, at "Toys R Us" the big store,

Hes cut down on his elf staff, the rest have basic overtime galore.

Two of his reindeers have taken early retirement, mind they only had four years to go,

but who wants a wrinkly reindeer who has frost bite and corns that are sore?

But I suppose it has its good points, "How?" I hear you shriek,

Well the boogie mans been made redundant, and Jack Frosts on a three day a week!

and the ghost and ghoulies gaffers have put thousands on the scrap heap.

So yes it has its good points, we can all get a good nights sleep.

Humpty dumptys in bits and pieces a very sad state of affairs,

Hes jumped of the wall, he did not fall, 'cause he lost on the stocks and shares.

Now don't worry when you've lost a tooth. Still put it 'neath your pillow please do.

Although the tooth fairys having a hard time, she'll leave you an I.O.U

D.R.Emery. 22nd October 1991.
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HUMOUR

The story of this poem stems from my sister.Visiting our house one day I was tidying up my poetry having just invested in a computer.

She turned to her 10 year old son and said,"Your uncle David can write poetry on any subject.(thanks for putting the pressure on me sis!)

Go on she said give him a subject."dogs" he said.After observing our yampy pet 8 year old springer spaniel and getting into his mind(Yuk!)

I came up with this. Bear in mind it's written for a ten year old. Hence no swear words. (Not that that matters these days, but I still have my morals!)ITS A DOGS LIFE

Man I love being what I am,I can go and poo where ever I like,

Man I love being what I am,I can go and poo where ever I like,

I can pee up a tree, when it suits me and chase a policeman on his bike.

I can sniff around, rub my bum along the ground, and roll around in the dirt,

I can get hair everywhere, without a care and sniff up a ladies skirt.

I can sleep all day, not care what they say,and when they eat I just sit there and stare,

I can scoff myself silly, lick my own willy and do a smelly fart when the vicar is there.

I can do a good trick, called fetching a stick, I can sit up and beg,

I can bark for no reason, chase a bitch thats in season and bite the postmans leg.

I can drink from the bog, fight another dog, but it's always the same in the end,

The human that feeds me, I find always needs me, Man is definately a dogs best friend.

I never have to get wed, can sleep on the master's bed, When he goes to work I can get in with his wife,

I can run around free, now listen to me, It's really great having a dogs life.

Back to poem titles

This next poem was influenced by my wife(she's been a huge influence on a great many of my poems)We were living on the Isle of wight at the time and in a

rather difficult situation, on the dole, no money, no work, no family over there and a six month old baby to look after. Anyway she took to reading "Mills and Boon

books"(Romantic fiction) to cure her boredem (believe me it is boring on the Isle of Wight in the winter) She was reading all the time, while cooking, cleaning even

on the toilet......ROMANCE?

I've lost my wife to "Mills and Boon"

I hope she finishes that damn book soon.

I can't get no sense out of her, Just a few mumbles and a slur.

She's at it day and at it night, Possessed by what these authors write.

My patients are growing thinner, she even reads it having dinner.

I don't know what I'm going to do, she even reads it in the loo.

Even when we go to bed, she does not complain of a sore head,

when I ask if she's in the mood for breeding, she says "Not now dear,can't you see I'm reading!"

David Robert Emery.

Again this next poem is inspired by the wife. She started to get into computer games systems.

Most were bought for our son. She wasn't bad at them but she was not very patient.(Computer games

and romantic fiction obsession you may be thinking! No it was just a silly phase she was going through)TECNOLOGICAL

The son got the system for Christmas, now the wifes got into it

Sitting in his bedroom, the room is dimly lit.

I hear her cry "Yes!" as she completes another screen,

I've come home from work, she did not know I'd been.

At last she's unplugged the Nintendo, My patients was growing thin.

Just when I thought we were going to talk, She's plugged the Mega drive in!

Now she's on the Attari, Scrabble is her game,

Why am I sitting alone,I could be fun just the same.

Now she's got the hand held, tapping buttons pulling her hair,

Squinting her eyes up tight, not noticing that I'm there.

Moans of frustration, cheers of joy she'll shout,

I keep on waiting and praying, hoping for the batteries to run out!

Screaming at us to be quiet, as she gets to a difficult bit.

If it causes so much stress, why does she play with it?

I wish she'd take more notice, and see what I could do.

I wish she'd see and look at me,

'Cause I could be a "Game Boy" too!

D.R.Emery. January 1996.

During the 1980s unemployment was at an all time high. Many people found themselves

on the scrap heap. Times were really hard. I put this to my son one day when I had to reduce his

pocket money when he was six years old. I said, "Sorry son, but times are hard" "No they're not" he

replied, "two times two are four, three times three are nine........."

Anyway as we were in this dire situation I thought of this poem to bring a little sunshine into a

somewhat bad period.RECESSION

Theres a recession in fantasy land, it's the worst for many years,

Characters with empty pockets, it's causing sorrow and tears,

Mary Mary's growing vegatables now, she's dug up all her flowers,

Little Bo Peeps cut back on her sheep, and Wee Willie Winkles doing extra hours!

Santas got intrest free credit, at "Toys R Us" the big store,

Hes cut down on his elf staff, the rest have basic overtime galore.

Two of his reindeers have taken early retirement, mind they only had four years to go,

but who wants a wrinkly reindeer who has frost bite and corns that are sore?

But I suppose it has its good points, "How?" I hear you shriek,

Well the boogie mans been made redundant, and Jack Frosts on a three day a week!

and the ghost and ghoulies gaffers have put thousands on the scrap heap.

So yes it has its good points, we can all get a good nights sleep.

Humpty dumptys in bits and pieces a very sad state of affairs,

Hes jumped of the wall, he did not fall, 'cause he lost on the stocks and shares.

Now don't worry when you've lost a tooth. Still put it 'neath your pillow please do.

Although the tooth fairys having a hard time, she'll leave you an I.O.U

Poetry Categories