"Talk to the Animals"
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Things You Should Know About Cats
* Cats have the simplest of taste- only the best will suffice.
* Cats know all the sunny places.
* An Aquarium is interactive television for cats.
* You don't own your cat. The cat owns you. And the cat owns the house. You just pay the mortgage.
* A cats favorite game is " Hah! Made you look!"
* Traits we can' stand in people, we love and adore in cats.
* Cats are good for dusting high places.
* A cats worst enemy is a closed door.
All I need to Know About Life I Learned From My Kat
The confuscius of the cat world offers ten "kattitudes" on the philosphosy of life:
*Life is hard, then you nap.
*Curiosity never killed anything except a few hours.
* Variety is the spice of life: one day ignore people, the next day annoy them.
*Climb your way to the top; that's why drapes are there.
*Never sleep alone when you can sleep on someone's face.
*Find your place in the sun, especially if it happens to be on that nice pile of warm, clean laundry.
*Make your mark on the world, or at least spray in each corner.
*When eating out, think nothing of sending back your meal twenty or thirty times.
*If you're not receiving enough attention, try knocking over several expensive antique lamps.
*Always give generously; a small bird or rodent left on the bed tells them "I care".
~author unknown~
Cat Commandments
Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem
Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem
Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
Thou shall not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy human' face.
Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy humans genital region.
Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is siting down.
Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping humans bladder at 4 A.M.
Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
Thou shall not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.
Thou shall remember that thou are a carnivore and that house plants are not meat.
Thou shall show remorse when being scolded.
Cat Thoughts
1.
DOORS:
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened,
stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is
not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside"
door-opened, stand halfway in and out and think abou several things.
This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or
mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
2.
CHAIRS & RUGS:
If you have to throw up get to chair quickly. If you
cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no oriental
rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back
up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
3.
BATHROOMS:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do anything, just sit and stare.
4.
HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity
and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping",
otherwise known as "hampering". The following are the rules for "hampering":
A.) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.
You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on
and then picked up and comforted.
B.) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,
unless you can lie across the book itself.
C.) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most
appropriate manner so as to obscure much of the work, or at least the most
important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the
pencil or knitting needles. The worker may ty to distract you; ignore it.
Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery projects make great hammocks
in spite of what humans may tell you.
D.) For people paying bills ( monthly activity), or working on income taxes
or Christmas cards ( annual activity), keep in mind the aim--to hamper!
First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from
the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the
papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed
for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table one at
a time.
E.) When human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her,, be sure to
jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.
5.
WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in
front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their
arms, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their
co-ordination skills.
6.
BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
Where would you like to go next?
~The Aviary~
~The Dawg House~
~The Katty Shack~
~Animal Rights & Welfare~
~Rainbow Bridge~
~Rainbow Bridge Links~
~Rainbow Bridge Poems~
~Rainbow Bridge Tributes~
~Animal Quotes~
~Critterz Club Main Page~
~Sign Guestbook~
~View Guestbook~
~E-Mail Us~
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