some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
Have you ever looked in the mirror and made eye contact with yourself and not been able to hold it? Have you found yourself looking down at your chin or the reflection of the wall behind you, anywhere but your own eyes? Or is it just me that gets uncomfortable when making eye contact with myself? I think in the beginning I did this because I didn't like myself, I didn't like who was looking back at me and so I actually avoided looking in the mirror whenever possible. The first time I had a mirrir in my room was only a few years ago, it was a gift and was just for decoration. No one knew why I didn't have a mirror in my room...'how can you be a girl and not have a mirror?' or some such question came from my mom one day.
Now I have started to like myself and I'm better with mirrors, I can keep eye contact with myself longer than I could before but still I often look away. Why? Perhaps there is something inside of me that I'm not ready to discover yet and which looking in my eyes could give away. But whatever it is I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I know what is in my soul and what is going on behind my eyes that to see it in my eyes would somehow make it seem more real and apparent to others that look in my eyes - if I don't take the time to see it there then maybe I can fool myself into thinking no one else will see whatever it is. Whatever the reason that I can't keep eye contact with myself I still don't really like mirrors, in fact I think they haven't done very much good for society.
Mirrors have emphasized the importance of looks and made people selfconscious about how others see them on the outside. They have suckled generations into becoming caught up in visuals rather than what is really within a person and they have twisted people into creatures of vanity. Without mirrors where would our desire for elective cosmetic surgery stem from if not to make our reflections look good. A nip, tuck and suck may make someone feel better within and give them more confidence, but isn't it just confidence because they now look closer to how the people on the front of magazines look making them think they will be accepted into society because they look like part of the majority.
No one wants to be a part of a minority, to be catagorized and placed outside the norm because there is something about them that is different and groups them with these people instead of those ones. But we need to realize that everyone is part of a minority, and most are probably part of numerous minorities. A majority of the people are this, that, or the other thing, but within those majorities are a number of minorities. It's all the same, the big is made up of the small. Nothing is big without a million small things that make it so. So why should we try to hide behind our reflections? Go a day without looking in the mirror, without glancing at your reflection in the window or in the ripple of water. Don't look at yourself and don't worry about how you look. Pay attention to what you thought and felt in your day of non-reflectiveness, it might help you to see the world more clearly when you don't see yourself...and that comment about how she is so pretty, or he is so hot, don't say it, don't even think it, see into that person instead.