The Beverly Hillbillies:

Jed: "I'd rather be caught betwixt a pair of scrapping bobcats than two women trying to run the same house."

Jed: "Look at that big house - I wonder if any movie stars live there."
Pearl: "Oh, Jethro, drive up the driveway so I can go in and ask for directions!"
Jethro: "Directions to where, Ma?"
Pearl: "Directions to the next corner, who cares!"
Pearl: "You didn't stop!"
Jethro: "Aw, I know how to get to the next corner!"

Jethro: "Hey Ma, wanna race me and Elly to the far end of the pond?"
Pearl: "In the water? And get my swimmin' clothes all wet??"

Pearl: [after their car just crashed into a chicken coop] "Jethro, I thought I told you to get rid of those worn-out brakes!"
Jethro: "I did, Ma! That's how come we ain't got none!"

Granny: [to the theiving monkey] "Come back here you little varmint! You get your paw-paw-pickin' paws off of my pickled paw-paws!"

Elly Mae: "Pa, what's a embrace?"
Jed: "Well, it's when two people kinda wrap their arms around each other."
Elly Mae:: "You mean like wrasslin'?"
Jed "Well...yeah, except they ain't mad."
Elly Mae: "Ooh, you mean like wrasslin' for fun!"
Jed: "I suppose you could put it that way."

Jed: "Jethro! How come there's no ice in California?"
[pause]
Jethro: "Don't look at me, I didn't take it!"

The Cosby Show:

Denise: [explaining her bad grade to her parents] "If you have 60% of a pie, that's still a lot of pie!"

Vanessa: "Denise pushed us out of the bathroom and Rudy doesn't have all of the shampoo rinsed out of her hair. If she goes blind can we get a dog?"

Vanessa: "Rudy, what would you do in life if you only had a fourth grade education?"
Rudy: "Teach third grade."

Theo: [upon being woken up] "Come on, Dad, five more minutes... Four? Three?"
Cliff: "Is this an auction?"

Cliff: [Holding a ridiculous tie he got for Father's Day] "I am sure, somewhere, there is a suit that goes with this tie. Don't get me the suit!"

I Love Lucy: (and the Lucy/Desi comedy hour)

Lucy: "We're going uranium hunting!"
Ethel: "But I thought Ricky put his foot down."
Lucy: "Ricky's put his foot down so many times I feel like I'm married to a Cuban centipede!"

Lucy: "There's more than one way to skin a Cuban cat!"

Fred: "I'll have you know that that baseball was signed by one of the greatest baseball players that ever lived."
Lucy: "Oh yeah, Spaulding!"

Lucy: "It's hard to believe that Fred was ever a little boy growing up on a farm."
Ethel: "It's hard to believe that Fred was ever a little boy."

Fred: "Maybe she's a kleptomaniac."
Ricky: "Naw, I just think she steals a lot."

Fred: "She said my mother looks like a weasel."
Lucy: "Ethel, apologize."
Ethel: "I'm sorry your mother looks like a weasel."

Ricky: "Lucy's actin' crazy."
Fred: "Crazy for Lucy, or crazy for ordinary people?"

Ricky: [during a show] "Hey, Lucy, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater."
Lucy: "What?"
Ricky: "Some tramp comes up to me on the street and says he hadn't had a bite in three days."
Lucy: "What did you do, bite him?"

Ethel: "Gee, this high altitude sure gives me an appetite."
Fred: "What's your excuse at sea level?"

Ethel: "There's lots of things you're good at."
Lucy: "Like what?"
Ethel: "Well, you're awfully good at...uh...you've always been great at..."
Lucy: "Those are the same ones Ricky came up with."

Ricky: "We've got to use our brains."
Lucy: "Well, let's see..."
Ricky: "You stay out of this!"

Superman: "How long have you been married [to Lucy]?"
Ricky: "15 years."
Superman: "And they call ME Superman!"