| THE OLD ME Hi my name is Eva Maria Johnson and I am a transgendered person.For people who might not know what this means let me explain.I am a genetic male who happens to relate very much to his female side.In fact I relate so well that I have a strong desire to dress,act, and even take on the persona of a woman.I am married and have two children. My wife does know about Eva in fact she gave Eva her name.Like most transgendered people I began dressing at an early age.Also like many transgendered people I found myself binge and purging all my clothes and makeup.I also remember telling myself never again only to find myself dressing to even greater lengths the next time I dressed.Along with this binge & purge came great sence of guilt ,depresion ,and thoughts of suicide.In my youth I could never fit in with others and became very despondent toward society.Some of my guilt stemmed from the fact that I was a Christian and crossdressing was against all that I stood for.Other parts of my guilts stemmed from society,and from the fact I didn't want to hurt my family.Despite the fact that I promised myself many times to quit dressing it continuse to this day.I did move away from it for awhile after I met my wife ,but after two years the need and desire to dress came back stronger than ever.It was at this time that I turned to the vast resources of the internet in search for the answer why I dress,and how to cure myself from it.Unfortunately I found out that nobody knows why exactly some people feel the need to dress,and that nobody has come up with a cure for dressing.There are so theories as to why people dress some include society,others include that the brain may be made up different,and still others blame the delay in the homones that determin sex before you are born.Whatever the reasons I did find a couple a sites that helped me cope with my religious beliefs.Because of this I was finally able to get up the courage to tell my wife. |
| Well as I stated above I finaly acquired enough courage to finally tell my wife.When I broke the news to her she seemed quite shocked to say the least,but after many long conversations ,and much needed prayers we worked through our problems.My wife feels that this is more than just about dressing , and so do I.We both feel that this is a big part of who I realy am.In fact I would have to say that in some aspects she is more open then even me about Eva.My wife more than just offers support she buys me things I need she helps me with who I am,and allows Eva to be her best girl freind. |
| The future holds many things one of which is that me and my wife can grow closer than ever before, and with absolutely no boundaries between us. Another thing the future holds is that Eva can finally have somewhat of a true existence,and be able to share that existence with someone who cares.Among the things the future holds is that my wife and I seem to be able to have fun together while sharring this part of my life together.So in closing let me just say as long as my wife is willing to accept me for who I am the future is looking bright. |
| Life tends to be unexpected at the very least. For me a little thing called transsexual kind of caught me off gaurd. When I came out to my wife I told her that all I was was a crossdresser. All that changed when I did some real soul searching. I now consider myself a transsexual and am starting to come to grips with it all.The following is a little about myself and my journy. More will be added in the future. Also please lend me advice if you have any to give. THANKS EVA |
| I recently did a little self discovery of myself. In this self discovery I realized that i'm not a crossdresser ,but instead i'm a transsexual. I came to this realization by looking back on my life. I remember when I was about five wrapping a towel around my waist and pretending that it was a dress and I was a girl. Latter on in my life I recall dressing up every chance I got. I also remember thinking just how wonderful it would be to be a girl. As I grew up the urge became stronger I remember sitting up all night asking GOD to turn me into a girl,but alas come mourning I was always still a boy. The desire was so strong that I thought about suicide constantly. My thought was if I couldn't be who I wanted to be I was better off dead. I even went as far as to attempt to castrate myself with a knife but I chickened out when I drew blood. I also remember trying hormones .My mom was on them for a time and the doctor took her off them so she through her prescriptions away and I promptly removed them from the garbage.There was about a month supply of them in the bottle and I took them all one a day for a month. That brings me to today. I am happily married. I have two wonderful kids. I should be so happy and content with the way my life has progressed,but lurking in my mind is the desire to be the woman I feel (know) I am. |
| My wife and I have decided to go beyond the dressing and let Eva have her existence. After only a year of coming out to my wife about my little secret we came to the conclusion that the only way to go is forward. We decided that eva is a real person ,and cannot remain hidden forever. Therefore we have decided to rid Eva of her facial hair, as well as start her on hormones.By doing this we hope to help Eva look more like she feels. There is a good side to this my wife says that she is more attracted to me as a woman. I don't know when I will come out to my family , friends ,and work.I do however know that when I do it won't be to far down the road. |
| I have been making many strides in my quest to become more of the woman I feel I am. I am growing my hair out . I now have pierced ears as well. When I pierced my ears I was dressed as Eva . I was so worried about wheather I passed or not but it didn't stop me . Sometime after getting my ears pierced I was cleaning them out when I spilled my cleaning solution. So I sent my wife in to the same place that I got my ears pierced to get some more cleaning solution. The girl behind the counter recognized her from when I got them pierced ,and inquired about her sister meaning me. I also am looking for a electrolysis, therapist, and hormones. |
| Beth and I recently renewed our vows. We both decided to be ourselves. I finaly got a chance to be a bride ! We exchanged the vows , had a Wedding cake ,and had a Wedding dance . Over all we had agreat wedding . We plan to do it again sometime in the future . The next time however we hope to go wedding dress shopping together. |
| I recently started hormones ! That is to say I 've been on them for a month now . Even though I still would like to find a endocrinologist I decided to begin hrt unsupervised . The affects are quite satisfying . I still have not been able to locate a therapist , but hope to find one soon .I was able to locate an electrolysis ,and hope to start removing my facial hair after the new year. If there is anyone out there who knows of a therapist or endocrinologist located in Northern Wisconsin please let me know. |
| STAT'S |
| Age: 34 |
| weight: 165 |
| height: 5'6" |
| measurements: 36b-33 waist-40 hips |
| hair: dark brown |
| eye's: blue |
| started on hormones: 09/06/2004 |
| I'm sorry for not updatting this site. The reason I have not updated is because my Father passed away. So now after several month's of mourning I finally have the energy , and desire to update this site. I have added stats to this page for people who may be interested. The hormones are going well infact I am beginning to look more like a woman every day.I can no longer go arround in just a t-shirt any more. However I may have to stop taking hormones for awhile for fear of lossing my job because of drug testing. It apears that they require a prescription from your doctor if you are taking any medications that require a perscrition . I get my medication over the internet ,because I can't find a doctor in my area that cares for transsexuals. My wife and I are planning to renew our vow's again this comming Christmas. I hope that I can get some good pic's of the Wedding for this site. I am sorry I am not going to be able to take pictures for awhile because I had to cut my hair for the funeral. |
| Feel free to fe-mail me and tell me what you think of the site. |
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| Geocities is closing so we have opened a new site at yahoo. It will be updated more often. The link is as follows eva-bethsjourney.com . |